Husband giving too much money to parents...am i over reacting?

Dear Sagarika,

try to invest your salary in some property or garaunteed chit business (govt or ngo run) then you will not have any money left in your account and your DH will be left with no choice but send less money to his parents as he needs to take care of his home too. tell your DH you are doing this for your kid.

 

Hello Rajini24 - whats your problem about the word "DEAR" ?
you says that women use the word "dear" , but not being guy..? ROFL
seems you have a problem with guys or may be you may have some other issues disturbing your mind about guys.
i do' t know what are those but whatever it may be try to over come those silly thoughts.
get well soon my dear friend. take care.

 

Sagarika,

I think u tell ur husband to send all his salary to his parents and tell him I will manage all our expenses. Don't give him ur account details/debit card or anything. Let him beg for money from u for his small small expenses ask him details of his expenses whenever he will ask him for money,irritate him like a hell to get money from u and if he will argue don't shout at him but coolly, calmly and confidently tell him that since ur unable to handle our kids responsibility financially though u r their father at least I can not ignore it because I am their mother and ask him to share the half rent or loan if u guys owe. I think this will make him to change will send less money and will not ask for ur money.

 

OP, it does not matter whether HIS money goes to his parents and YOUR money goes towards expenses. It is all OUR money (here I mean yours and H's together). Your DH is cleverly using his salary to send money to folks and coming to you to household expenses etc. by which way you cannot question him about sending money as he will say that he only sent his money and not yours.

As a couple you have to plan your finances together.
Expenses, savings, investment, remittances etc. have to be planned from joint funds unless you have explicitly decided to save/send 1 person's salary fully.

Imagine this situation: If you were sending all of your salary to your parents and DH's salary had to be used for daycare/household expenses, would he be fine with that? Would he not complain that despite both working and having to leave kids in a daycare we do not have savings because you are sending such a big amount to your parents?

He cannot shut you off from financial decisions like this. Talk to him with concrete numbers on a sheet without complaining about his parents' expenses etc. Show projections at the current rate and tell him that going at this rate, you will only have minimal/no savings say after 2-3 years.

First step is, in your situation you would do well to set aside X dollars away as soon as you get your salary. Do not touch that for whatever reason and keep adding to it every month. You have to do this without telling H if he is not being reasonable about the whole thing. Anyway try discussing first. Next step is to make a big ticket investment like a house in your names so that you will have your own investment and H will have to learn to not entertain unreasonable demands from his folks.

Make sure you are calm and objective while discussing. Do not complain about his sending money to his family. Emphasize on your kids' future, your savings etc.

GL!

 

Hi,
Do u have a house in the usa? If no, then start looking for one..
My idea is as the house costs a lot, u will have to take loans etc. So the loan amount would be cut from ur salary account and u will have less amount of money in ur hand to spend.

Your house is your investment. If u have a house in USA, buy a property for investment in India or somewhere else. U have kids and u will need money etc for their future. So this will work as an investment. Try putting money in some fixed deposits etc.

The logic is here.. Dont keep too much money in the bank.. Invest it somewhere for ur family's future.

 

Last post, I dont want to derail this thread. Open a separate thread on 'General discussions' section and ask how many married women in IL are ok with being addressed as "Hi dear" by an unknown stranger male. Lets see.
Reality check.

 

OP,
It's not a new problem and there is not much you can do or you will be labelled as a bad DIL.
My suggestion in this matter is
1. Take control of your expenses in a prudent way. Best way to do that is start 529 plans for both ur child (you can start it for unborn child as well). This is for your children's education and no one will say no.

2. If your company has 401k with matching then sign up for it on the next cycle and if not then talk to hubby about starting an IRA or mutual fund investment in ur name. If he asks why ,just say for u r peace of mind. With 2nd pregnancy all mothers are apprehensive of future.

3. Divert $500 per month in a separate savings account. Again tell hubby this is for ur own retirement and buying jewellry for your children,etc.... If he gets cranky drop it and bring it up sometime later.

Don't do all this at once but in span of 6 months. Inspite of this if he has money left over to give then no issues...let him. You have ur savings,investment and children's future secure so you will not feel apprehensive if he spends on your in laws.
Take Care.
FL.

 

My take on this situation if this happened with me as follows. Your husband spends all he earns on his family and takes charge of home & essential expenses form you.
Best way would be to get invested somewhere. If he can make a financial decision, so can you. Buy a property or find another mode of investment that keeps your money tied up. That means you dont have a free hand/money on spending on home essentials. He will have to find a way to cut on what he is sending to his parents/family and pitch in wioth other expenses. Otherwise let there be credit and don't bother about paying it. Let him handle that pressure and he will get back to the road.
Finally the setup should be that you save yours and he can do what he want except both have to spend equally on general expenses. Although dividing the expenses won't work in my home, it has successfully worked in some close friends home.
For a while, they had setup when loans were being paid that personal loans and savings from one's and the expenses from others.

Or the take of my mom, she has an account, no access to my dad. Its being saved completely unless big emergency arises. Other than that all home expenses or anything that he wants to spend on should be from his account. Even though my dad earns more, my mom is building up quite some savings. He is the man, let him take charge of the house. If it results in a fight, let it be. Fight to get your point across.

Trust me you are getting to a point where since your hubby so easily sends money over your in-laws, with mot much fault on their end they think you have too much and have no problem in spending it on them. So expect more demands in future. You have to communicate to them as well that its not surplus that you are sending, its your savings.