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Husband Favors Wife Or Mom

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Feb 19, 2022.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Hello

    In my family when my uncle ( moms brother ) got married he completely forgot my mom ( his sister ). He would use her to select jewelry for his wife and say hey sis u can go home now. My work with u is done in a joky way. My mom used to cry cause she loved her brother after coming home when he behaved this way. In a way I used to feel bad for my mom but used to think once I got married I would have the same luxury.
    I saw several incidents and cases where once the man got married he would forget and ignore his mom and sister.

    To my disappointment it is the other way around once I got married. My husband brings his mom here. The day I got discharged from hospital with a c section he and his mom attack me that I did not respect her by putting tv for her. I fell asleep come on ! And even when I was putting the tv the father in law says u go and take care of the baby so I left. When I woke up and my husband came back home they all start attacking me

    I’m home with a newborn baby and my husband is pampering his mom with fruit juices and food while I am all on the bed all alone. He did not even give me food or water or even a glass of water while I was on the c section bed in hospital or even after coming home. In the hospital I was at the mercy of the nurses like an orphan alone while my husband happily spent time with his mom at home.


    I can go on and on.

    This makes me wonder why do some men favor they’re mom over their wife and why do some men favor their wife over their mom ?? Do I need to make myself more beautiful or what ??
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2022
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  2. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel it’s all about mens ego! They will favor anyone who makes them feel the hero! So it’s got nothing with mom sister daughter or anyone else! Wherever they feel comfortable they will make them feel more important! Bc they are in-secured! So that’s their mentality!
     
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @EagerForInfo,

    Frankly, you are not at fault. The way you present yourself shows you are genuine in asking the question here. I don't think you need to change your appearance or anything for that matter. There are other factors that might be influencing why a man chooses mother over wife or vice-versa.

    1) He might have been guilt-wrapped right from his child, it is a sin to change in favor of wife ditching the mother who raised him. What a child learns when he or she is young gets embedded so strongly and it takes a lot of effort to alter it.

    2) His mom would have complained all her life that how badly she was treated by her MIL and how her husband listened to her mother and treated her badly. That sympathy would have created a strong impact in his mind resulting in him beging extra contributing to look after his mom without realizing the need to look after his wife who just came out of C Section.

    3) Sometimes, a brainwashing talk that a newcomer to the home could break the family if he is not firm in emphasizing the importance of his parents, could result in a man trying to be too harsh with his wife.

    Frankly, time has considerable influence in how men change. Dependency on each other develops within 5-10 years after marriage and if it doesn't happen during that period, you may have to have healthy conversations with him to make him understand that you have decided to spend the rest of your life with him and he needs to create an environment for you that would make you feel comfortable to live. Focus your attention only to major issues than trivial ones so that the main points are addressed quickly. Make him understand your happiness is important for his child to be healthy and happy.

    Don't hesitate to stand up for yourself in different ways both to your husband and his parents from time to time. Be assertive on things that matters the most. I pray for your happy life ahead with your husband and the new born child.
     
  4. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    But how can you focus on something else when she needs care and attention! If a husband can’t understand what wife goes through during pregnancy and after birth then that’s a horrible situation!
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I didn’t say it is a right behavior. A person who is not sympathetic to what wife goes through during and after pregnancy is inhuman. I was just describing mental condition of the individuals who refuses to be considerate to a wife who just returned home after C Section.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    How old is your kid now?

    Its sad to be in that situation. There are men who think ' whats so special about delivery, my mom and every mom did it'. You cant change their attitude. He clearly showed his priorities. Also, remember, mom and wife two different entities. One can't replace the other. His behavior has nothing to do with you. He showed well who he is. Like @indubalram pointed out, most men favors persons who make him a hero. If he is such an insecure person, you need to learn ways to elevate his hero instinct through words or actions and create a comfort zone. Only then he come to you. It has nothing to do with his mom or your beauty. If he is into you, he treats you better, obviously he is not. A good person wont normally ignore his wife or mom and treat both with respect and love. Otherwise, there may be other reasons or problems either in his personality or in your life. Whatever it may be, you deserve better treatment.

    I think this event has made a deep scar in your mind. If you keep on thinking about your past, you will never heal. If you keep bringing it again, you will go through the same pain again. So try to leave it behind and heal yourself. Seek help of therapist or counsellor if you need it. You cant reverse past. It's done. So focus on your present and future.

    You have to decide what you want in your life. Be assertive about your needs/ feelings/ boundaries. Select wars you want you fight. You cant change him. All you can do is learn from these experience and equip yourself to live your life better. Standup for yourself, but keep your standards. Learn to communicate in a calm cool and assertive way instead of meaningless fights and arguments. You need more action than words. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2022
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