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Husband disinterested to consumate more often...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Born2Win, Jan 28, 2008.

  1. Born2Win

    Born2Win New IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I am a new IL I was wondering whom to share my problems with but lucky I got this forum. Sorry for the big post but request u all to read….Plssssssssssssssssssssss :bowdownand give me suggestions.

    Mine is a love marriage…we were in love for almost 5 yrs and got married in 2005 now it is 2 yrs. As usual they didn’t accept (even though they knew about r relationship) and my parents accepted and we got married. he told his parents only the previous day of our marriage. We got married by his customs and took a house and were very happy. It was like my dream cum true. Only one week he didn’t speak to his parents after that he spoke with his parents and his dad used to call him and say that he is not keeping well and want to see him immediately. So in a week at least 3days he will go and stay with them (night stay).He convinced me saying that his dad is not well and he has to be their so I kept quite …but even then he was very affectionate and loved me a lot and used to keep me happy.

    The next month itself his mom asked him to bring me home …and I never believed it I was so happy and thought that I will be happy with my hubby. Since it was love marriage I was very happy they accepted and went their but the second day itself it was a big hit…I was at their house they said his dad was not keeping well and asked him to sleep with his dad and I was left alone in our room. I was very upset cried a lot and was very frightened because it was a big house all new to me and I have never been alone at my house. He was also unable to say anything. I didn’t know what to do and kept quite thinking they would say something and used to cry to my hubby saying I am getting afraid, he used to convince me ….things continued the same way.

    So after a month his dad was ok so he didn’t have to stay in his room so we were intimate and very happy . I was also working that time .Then also I used to cook in the morning their house is far from city so had to leave with my hubby at 7.30 from home. Used to cum back late from office and again give my In-laws food and all. So in-between all these work the only happiness I had was my hubby. We loved each other a lot and we were so close…but this was only for 5 months.

    Things had changed my MIL was always finding some fault and we were never allowed to go out any where .We used to go only to office and come back together but my In-laws never liked us being together. I used to cry and cry because I can’t tell anyone about this even to my mom because she will get upset.


    After that we stopped having intimacy and I used to get so frustrated and cry to him asking what happened and why he was not Cumming near me. He said nothing and if I tell him and ask him only then we will have that also was once or twice in a month. He was never like this before marriage he had so many dreams and after marriage also till five months he was interested. I didn’t know what happened to him. This thing continued we will have intimacy only if I ask him, other wise he never used to bother about it. Then we planed to come out of the hose and stay separately. I was very happy and thanked god and thought everything will change but after we came to the new house also he is the same. Every day I cry and feel very depressed now everyone is asking me 2yrs have gone and no baby still as though it is my mistake. I don’t have any friend to discuss about these matters.

    If I ask him he says he feels like having intimacy and the moment he sits in our bed he goes to sleep. I don’t know what to do every day I cry and cry and sleep very late and very depressed. I feel very low all the time and always wonder y he has become like this. I have asked him several times why he is like this he always says nothing and I feel very cheap to go and ask him every time for this (hope u all understand).

    Now also when I spoke to him before a week about the same he said when ever I feel like coming near you to have intimacy I feel some thing is stopping. I was shocked. ..he said that he get’s some internal vibration saying to avoid this and he never feels like having. I asked him why he didn’t tell me all these days …he said that his mind was so blank that never thought of saying this to me. That is he wants to tell me all these things but something is making him blank and not allowing him to say.

    I am very devoted to god…I do pooja every day I pray god and he is also very devoted .he had recently gone to Ahobalam and all. So what should we do? I thought of consulting a doctor but frightened and didn’t know whom to contact. He says that he has no time (he is a manager and busy all the time) to check for a doctor and discuss these things. If I say anything more he says god will see don’t worry and he knows every thing.

    What should I do to regain my life? Please advice me. I am so depressed and feel very irritated always wondering y he has changed like this. I do everything for him I am very loving and caring to him. That he also knows and feels bad about the situation.
     
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  2. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Please help me to save my marriage lifeeeeeeeee

    having an id name like this, i dont know y u r so negative in ur thoughts, calm down and start taking steps one by one, love is good, if both love each other then please move out of the situation go back to a nice home, near your office so that ur commuting time is less and promise to send money to the parents. is he the only son? then u need to be even more careful, they have made him feel guilty so he is unable to have any intimacy with u, kindly take the help of your parents and friends and intervene before it is too late. take him to a counselor,hope you will work at it, and crying is going to help no one, they will think u r weak in mind so giving a chance to act against u. all the best...sunkan
     
  3. amudha71

    amudha71 New IL'ite

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    [hi born to win dont worry things will change , but u have to work for the change. first of all maybe both of u need a break go somewhere atleast for 4-5 days and there maybe you can get to talk to him and ask him what is bothering him. dont give up and go slowly. maybe u can even coax him to go to a counciller and you can also see one. just see that u dont lose patience. may god help u love amudha. :party
     
  4. Born2Win

    Born2Win New IL'ite

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    Hi Sukan and Amudha...........

    Thank u for your comforting words :bowdown...actually sukan now we are not staying with my in-laws we have moved to a new house which is not far from our office.I have tried speaking to him so many times also but when ii speak the next 3-4 days hell try to be close to me that's it.

    And amudha we have taken break's and gone out of station also but no use.He wants to go out for siteseeing and we tend to get tired and if we r at room also only if i initiate it will happen other wise nothing u know.

    Last week when i spoke to him he said he gets some kind ok vibration when he cums near me.This vibration stop s him from getting close to me he says and i asked him so many days i have been asking what happned and that time he just said nothing and now he says like this ....but he says his mind goes blank that it dsnt allow him to say this to me.

    I was shocked and frightned what to do u know...this he is very normal in all the other things.I dnt know any councler or any doctor in chennai.I tried checking on the net also but those are all old informations they are not updated.

    Praying god and hoping everything will be alright.
     
  5. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear B2w,

    I feel very sorry that your married life has turned out to be a problem.
    You must pull yourself together. You say yours is a love marriage and you knew him for five years prior to marriage. You must talk to your husband and explain that you both have a serious problem and it has to be solved if your lives are to be happy and content.
    I understand that the problem is delicate. Hence, you should seek out a professional help. Even if your husband has no time to find the right doctor, you can do your bit. As you are in a city like Chennai, I am sure there must be marriage counsellors and other such experts there. Go on to your local city web and do some search. Call specialists and make an appointment.
    As you are born to win, like Sunkan says, stay true to your id that you have chosen!
    In the meantime, make it pleasant at home with a friendly atmosphere, prepare neat and romantic dinners and encourage him to enjoy some good movies and music. Try to bring back some fun and laughter that you may have shared as dating couple. Go to places that you once went to and share some good happy memories.
    Also, see that you do things that make him happy, like being concerned about his parents and his job.
    Mainly, dont mourn and lose heart.
    I wish you the very best of luck. Do come back and tell us that you are happy:)

    L, Kamla
     
  6. ridgemma

    ridgemma Gold IL'ite

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    Born2win

    From ur post, i cud c tht u r in a confused, anxious state. I think u r lukin things with a magnifying glass.In love marriages, it takes time for in laws to accept dil.sometimes they don't.

    I understand, tht u doubt ur hubby is under some occult influence.I think this way.After meeting his parents, think ur hubby shud have felt guilty(thgts like " I married after hurting my parents,I am very selfish",I shudnt hv done tht way...things like that).dat might stop him from intercourse. This seems to be a temporary phase feeling.u say, he is normal otherwise. Now that u hv moved out from ur inlaws hse, give him some time. Do things that he will feel happy abt(calling his home, visiting ur inlaws & cooking for them) don't show that u r anxious and suspecting him.

    Crying doesn't help,sweetheart...it only weakens ur soul further, just relax.... And above all "PRAY". Things will change.

    Luv

    Ridge
     
  7. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    hi born to win,
    crying will do u no good, infact it will create a maze in your mind. try and be calm. speak to your husband, again and again. communicate with him and love him more than before.try and create a bond with your inlaws so he will not regret his decision. this phase will pass!!
     
  8. Born2Win

    Born2Win New IL'ite

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    Hi All

    Its been a very long time that i didnt reply.....sorrry...actually my FIL had passed away so i was so bussy that i was unable to check my posts .....so give me some time.i ll get back to all of u by next week.:thankyou2:


    Cheers
    born2win
     
  9. Born2Win

    Born2Win New IL'ite

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    Hello all.....

    Thank you for all your support....actually as my FIL had passed away their were lot of work to do.Now only i have got time...first thany you all for ur immediate responces.

    Actually now the situation is becoming more wrst ...my MIL is showing more affection on my hubby now and he is also the same.I understand that we have to support her but the situation is like he gives her more importance and sometimes ignores me.Since their is so much wrk that has to b done by him he gets irritated and shows that on me. i dnt know what to do.Now we cannot go to a doc also. Every week end we are expected to b with her :spin

    Hmmm waiting for something gud to happen...and praying god
     
  10. malarvp

    malarvp New IL'ite

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    Hi Born2Win,

    My condolences to you and your hubby and may your FIL's soul rest in peace.

    Coming to your issue, as you told there is so much work to be done, since your FIL passed away, forget about your issues for a while. Nows the time to show your affection towards your MIL and husband as they are grieving their loss. Try to help them recover and do not develop hatred towards your MIL thinking that she's showing more affection on your hubby nowadays. She has lost her most trusted/dependant person in the world. So show your affection towards her and help her recover. This way your husband will also recover and will have confidence on you, and believe that you would love and take care of his mother on his absence. This will help you get his love and affection as you did before. And your issues will go off on its own.

    Cheers,
    Malar

     

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