Husband Always Tired!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jan 8, 2024.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    12,009
    Likes Received:
    12,848
    Trophy Points:
    615
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello:Addendum to my FB at #4.
    Over helping with watermelon in juice firm reported to be avoided in case person is diabetic. This is because it is rich in fructose sugar and may also induce diabetic type 2 in case of over indulgence.

    An excerpt from a book unpublished :

    Rose gathered voluminous data about union, health & romance and told me that Doctors and scientists of the world say in one voice that watermelon contains ingredients, including citruline that deliver special effects -like effects to the blood vessels, which can enhance and boost the libido. They are loaded with libido enhancing potassium and rich in folic acid that provides energy and stamina – both of which are said to be important to restore and maintain libido.
    The honey is full of boron would increase ......... while metabolizing estrogen. Add a spoonful of quality hill-honey to beverage with corn flakes roasted and get ready for salubrious activities of fun and frolics.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,601
    Likes Received:
    30,465
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Your feelings are very valid, and your wishes are simple ones. You are not asking for anything extraordinary. Yet, what you have described is quite common. Women express this similar problem in different words - emotionally unavailable, always busy, hardly talks, always on computer.

    We cannot make adults do things they don't themselves want to do. He doesn't want to feel relaxed or less tired, then there is nothing you can do to change that. He is content with the status quo - well kept home, healthy food, child completely looked after by a dedicated mother, social obligations also handled by wife. You cannot take away any of these from him. There is no motivation for him to change anything. Your complaining to him now and then is something he has learned to live with. From your threads, I have noticed you have the inherent and enviable quality of feeling down about something but you will bounce back pretty soon. "No one to celebrate NYE with" but you pull yourself out of it and make a feast for new year. : ) So, your husband knows any complaining from you doesn't need action from him.

    What to do then? Examine the resources you have and leverage the fact that your husband does not question your decisions. The exact steps will depend on what you want and like. A few examples from my years of parenting tweens/teens and from my friends:
    - During the extra challenging phases of parenting, outsource any tasks that can be outsourced. Hiring a cooking lady now and then was one of the best things I did. It freed up a few hours each day and left me less tired. I used that time and energy to read up entire books and blogs, published papers on the parenting challenge of that time. I actually learned how to evaluate, understand and distill scientific publications.
    - Put self first. Always. Like you take pride and satisfaction in serving homemade food, I found it in maintaining a clean, uncluttered home, sorting closets every three months, and the kids room being unbelievably organized. But all that cleaning meant less time for me. I stopped that endless sorting and organizing (saved time and Amazon money).
    - Mini vacations by yourself or with daughter. Starting to travel by myself was a life-changing step for me. And I've seen friends who go for weekend trips with daughter to all inclusive resorts, and sometimes they meet at the resort their friends who have daughters of similar ages.
    - Form your own friendships: I wasted a solid ten or twelve years trying to form family friendships, and then couples friendships. So much energy wasted on convincing husband and kids about meeting people to form a social circle. I have my own friendships and these have their own occasional drama but are so much easier as no husbands, kids involved.

    These steps are only examples. The point is that you need to take steps that don't involve changing husband's personality. As you become more independent in terms of happiness, something will change in you and your relationship with husband.

    =============
    Office stress - it is real. As one crosses the age of 40, and then 45, it starts to get challenging to remain relevant at work or to look for new work. Ageism is real. The stress is more pronounced when a person is the primary wage earner for a family with children who are still young.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2024
  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    443
    Likes Received:
    412
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    You need to make your absence felt in the house. You should not rely on your husband for your happiness. Create your own friend circle, I know its very difficult these days to make new friends. We need to get out of our comfort zone, go out alone to nearby places, go on picnics with your kids friends mummies.
    Regarding your husband, yes the stress at workplace does make anyone tired. Just see if there is anything that he likes (watching movie, playing sports) that you could do along with him. Dont make lavish meals when he is at home. You too act like tired and laze off like him. If he is doing it deliberately, he will get the message. Some guys take their wives for granted. If he is genuinely tired, let him sleep, sleep ,sleep.
     
    Thyagarajan and anika987 like this.
  4. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    967
    Likes Received:
    1,271
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    What kind of work is your spouse in . if you do not mind me asking.

    i have a feeling, you are experiencing this new feeling because your kids are grown up a little and they do not need your mental space all the time. now you are experiencing a void or something.

    i will still stick with medical eval and also have a calm discussion with him where you must share what are you expecting .
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,062
    Likes Received:
    20,946
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    He is into IT..
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    967
    Likes Received:
    1,271
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I work in IT. my dh. yes it is extremely stress full during work hours .

    I and he both are in the tech side not people management , so need to be hands on in design , dev. but that said, it is manage able. would suggest you to have talk as above.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.

Share This Page