Hurt & Broke completely ... PLS HELP!!!

CP, do you have any more reasons to believe he is cheating, besides just that one line 'i'm with my wife'? I think before you come to the conclusion that he has gone back with his ex, you should be sure of it.

 

lets look it in a different angle..

does the close friend that you were talking about know that there were some problem between you guys where you DH is distancing from you and does your DH knows whether his friend know about your arrival.
you know, some times when guys dont want to be disturbed, they give silly reasons like am with my wife, am on the other call , etc ec...

 

CP

Dont get me wrong!! But some how its digusting to see you sitting at your parents place and wondering and assessing what your husband is / is not! inspite of we all telling you so many times to START taking action.Why do you even ask advice when you find reasons not to follow it???

Why dont you just pack your bags and go to him and see whats going on actually? Rather than trying to do this background spying.

Also, whether he is cheating/not is another question which would obviously be clear if you go and start living with him in person. At that time, you would be able to clearly figure out.

So STOP trying to figure out things sitting miles apart and wondering what is he upto. Go to him and see whats happening.

some how I still beleive, you are not ready to take any step forward (all you are doing is figure out reasons so that you can exit from this marriage), so if you feel there is no need or motivation for you to be in this marriage, then JUST file for divorce instead of trying to prove what he is/he is not.

Any wife, if being treated this way after delivery, wont wait for such long time to see a GREEN signal from such a husband who didnt even pay visit to see the new born. She would have gone to HER house to figure out things immediately. You already have waited enough wondering whats happening. So enough of waiting or wondering, dont try to find round about ways to get to him, just go and stand straight infront of him and figure out whats happening. Thats the right way. (who knows tomorrow your reliable source may say he misunderstood or he might be mistaken,)

 

I agree with SriVidya... I didn't remember your other post saying you were living at your parents house away from your husband.

If you wanted to live with your parents, you shouldn't have gotten married. But you did, so it's time to go back to living with your husband and see what is going on. If you live with him, you will definitely get the answer as to whether he is still in love/back with his ex. Sitting miles away you'll never find that out. And before you accuse your husband of anything, be 100% sure of what you're saying. Like SriVidya said, this informant fellow might be wrong.

 

Dear Chillpill,
Its high time...you should act wise now...
1)Be in good terms with your in laws...his sisters...i mean you call them even if they dont call you...so that if they have any bad impression about you which was created by your husband it will be changed...they will support you in case of any problem in future...
2)Go back to him because your kid needs a father...HASTY DECISION will affect your kid the worst than you...
3)Leave all you ego and doubts that you have ( including his relation with his ex) have faith in him.
4)Keep your self dumb for some time if you want to win...
5)Try to make him close with you kid - So that he will have affection...any one will change for the smile of an inocent
6)Speak to him politely dont end your talk with an argument...if you feel that he is not correct just tell him "I LOVE YOU" and give him a big hug...may be he want that to cool him down...
7)Dont open your ear to X Y& Z ...
8)Dont show that you are timed (there are chances that he blackmails you)
9)Dance as if you are dancing to his tunes (carefully watch what all he is doing be the mean time...i mean read all his mails...when we sign in gmail it will ask "REMEMBER PASSWORD" you give it yes...and keep once he sign in the pc will remember the password once he is out of the house you can see all the mails....foward it to your mail)
10 )LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST HAVE FAITH IN GOD
God bless you..
Love
Shoba
Coimbatore

 

really spiderman1, u have found the problem... how can CP give such an advice to the post My friend revealed something shocking to me!!! and complain when it comes to here married life ???

 

Hi CP,

It is high time to pack your bags and go to your husband's house to see whats happening there.Otherwise there is a high possibility to get cheated. From my personal experience I am writing this.Same thing happened to me. My husband didn't turn back after my delivery.He started neglecting me.He didn't even show affection to the new born.All my well wishers adviced me to go to my husband house to see the situation. But to my fate, I called my husband and asked him when can I come to his house.He replied very cleverly that his parents are very old and they cannot take care of the new born now.so he asked me to stay back in my parents house and take rest for 6 months after delivery.I trusted his words. But you know something, he filed divorce in the family court.

I don't want that to happen to you CP. So instead of breaking your heads just go to your husband's place and ascertain.

 

CP.. I'm thoughtful of the confusions of your mind & my apology if something I wrote has hurt you.. we finally come to this forum for a moral boost & not degeneration.. I really appreciate you booking tickets to go back to your home & DH.

Point is when you want something there are ways to achieve it.. hence I wanted to know what exactly is on your mind.. once you decided to go then you should go & see everything yourself.. Also since you presented bold views on xtra- maritals I felt this was least of your concern.

Everyone wants to lead a comfortable life & new borns bring abu as much lifestyle change as they do bring hapiness... unless the family is busy & involved with the child most of the "PRACTICAL" family members find alternate ways to keep themselves busy and happy... and believe me for some this life is much better than a nagging wife & Mother issues along with an infant crying/feeding/soo/goo/doc visits in the house. As per social std such guys are married.. have reproduced & living in a peaceful atmosphere. There are equal pros n cons of delivering & moms/ ILs place.

If his X parted ways on account of daily fights with ur current ILs then I guess this is the most peaceful setup for your DH... to keep in tch with his first love & fulfill the so called social obligations of marriage & reproduction from you.. he basically needed 2 ladies.. one to face ire frm his mom & one peaceful relation of love. This is yet to be confirmed tho.

Now that you know that you're married to him then you first need to go & see everything on your own & confront him.... if what you heard is true then u need to make up ur mind whether you want to be in this relationship & want him back or no. Having kids in first yr of arranged marriage has v little bonding in most of the cases.. you can take care of a wife only when there is some minimal bonding. Esp when their mother's are around guys have this stupid feeling that their moms are taking equal care of their wives as they do for them.. when reality is far off for most... and hence further minimal contribution. Not all marriages are from Yash Raj movies... they need to be worked on. Dont loose hope & direction.

 

Trust is broken in this marriage.

1. How can you trust some x than your husband?
2. When you think your husband does not care for you, why are you not moving the coins in coming out?
3. What is that you want?
4. In the process of solving problems, sometimes you invite more problems. Do you think you need all these problems in life?

 

ComeOn folks!!

Enough has already been said, about CP going to HER house before starting to ponder over her DH's behaviour. We have given enough, lets not pour more pain, shall we.

@CanWait, sorry buddy but your points are sounding too harsh.

CP, be strong and dont worry too much. Keep us posted.