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Huge Issue Over Rakhi Gift... Sils Creating Drama.. Help!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by deepideepi, Sep 2, 2023.

  1. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,
    I am married 12 years have two kids.. 11 years old daughter and 6 years old son. Living with widow MIL. DH is only son with six sisters (all married). DH is living is different district as he is posted there and MIL stays with me.

    Every year SILs are fighting over rakhi gift since FIL passed away. He was keeping everyone together in family. He use to scold whoever is wrong. Now there is nobody whom they are scared off.
    MIL is always trying that her DD will get expensive gifts which is not possible for us as they are six.

    Talking about them, they are jealous about their own sister. If we give different gift and if they liked the gift of other one's they will feel jealous in that also and fight with each other. For that reason, we have been giving same amount and same item gift to each SIL so that they will not fight but still they are fighting every year and MIL is supporting them.

    Last year also we gave same amount gift + half the amount cash to them. But one of them try to find out the price of the gift online and calling everyone and telling the price of gift 70℅ less then we spend to purchase. I overheard the phone conversation of MIL and SIL where they were telling "jo jitna detahe utna barkat hotahe" and got to know and i got furious and fought with MIL.

    Husband got to know about this and he got angry too and faught with 4 of them because 4 of them were fighting over the gift and my word exchange with MIL during fight.

    Now this year in spite of telling DH to not to do he gave exactly same amount to 4 of SIL what they were quoting our gifts last year as a rakhi gift. And other 2 proper gift. Now MIL is upset again and telling I only ask him to do like that. What to do in this situation?
    What can we do about rakhi gift?
    MIL has already asked us to promise to give propper gift and gold to all daughters of SILs in their marriage. 6 SILs has atleast 2 daughter in average. Is it reasonable for them to ask us like this? Are we wrong?
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Your sisters-in-law are ill-mannered. Gifts should not be demanded. I can’t blame your husband for being irritated. Don’t get into arguments with your MIL over gifts for your niece’s wedding. Just do what you can when the time comes. Your priority is to save for your own children and family.
     
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  3. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Let husband deal this and you stay out of it . I feel your husband is giving right treatment. Your mil might be old school. Just ignore her demands and focus on your life
     
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  4. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    Well it doesn't seem possible till my MIL is there. My husband knows it's wrong but they try to put him in guilt trap. Two niece's wedding happened already and saw how they manipulate him. Everything we were giving was sent picture to them. Some items were accepted, some were changed, some were demanded.
    If we try to give as per our wish, MIL & SIL will gang up. Gossip about us behind our back.
    If only SIL are discussing we don't have any problem but MIL creates whole drama and it reach our home. She will say I will not eat n all that
     
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Let them create drama. If your MIL won’t eat then tell her to do as she wishes. You will never get any change as long as you keep giving in to their demands.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Best way to deal with a drama is not to participate in it. You will be blamed. Let them handle it themselves. If MIL say anything, tell her its your kids, deal with it, I dont have anything to say. If she dont want to eat, let it be. She is not a kid. Just say as you wish. Dont fall into their trap.

    Your h should stop giving any gift as they are creating issues every year. Let him deal with it.

    Stay out of it.
     
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  7. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Traditions are good if they are followed in the spirit in which it was meant. Here, expecting one brother to dance to the tunes of 6 sisters and their families , is really too much. Just inform your husband from now onwards, since his sisters are not satisfied and create issues, you will have nothing to do with all this gifting etc. Just stay out of it and let him manage his family. Similarly make your postion clear to your MIL, whether she is happy with it or not.
     
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