Huge Fight With Dh...things Are Not Going Well

OP,you have a serious issue of low self esteem .
You need to work on that ,other wise it doesn't matter if you are a stay at home mom or the working woman...any Tom ,Dick or Harry can continue to turn you into a bundle of nerves.

 

Just a little introspection here OP.....

The respect that you are trying so hard to earn for these so called 'others'......
Is it worth sacrificing your beautiful life with DH and your son's health/ temperament?

I/ we here can just talk about various ways of how to come out of issue. But ultimately it is you who needs to make an effort.

It looks like you know what is exactly wrong with you at the moment but you are still doing it. This crazy feeling can stop only when you want NOT wish it to!

 

Op, You have a serious dose of I am below everybody becoz I don't work. You need to come out of it asap so your kid and family doesn't suffer. You have a husband who says you can take it easy and not work. Trust me there are 99.99% women from India who wish their husbands said the same.

First step - Stop associating with people who put you down. If you want to buy a Tory Burch handbag buy it.What has you working or not working got to do with it. The lady who mentioned that just becoz you are not working you shudnt buy it has demented mind. Does your handbag advertise you working or not working. Does your wardrobe do that.

Being a SAHM, being a working woman, everything has its own challenges.Its a choice. I am a SAHM. I chose this becoz I didn't want to miss out on moments with our baby. I don't regret it one bit. I am an professional degree holder.I worked before I had a baby here in US. But after pregnancy I didn't . I chose that. Now when my kid is in full time school, I do plan to work but only and only during the school hrs and from home.Its my choice and my husband sometimes cribs but understands.

Come up with a plan. Get a makeover. You are not a robot to clean non stop . Tackle one room this week. Next week one more. Give it time.Nobody has a spic and span house unless you have plenty of help . Understand that. At the same time, just for heck of it not cleaning is also not good. Start small like clean a shelf and next day another so you fall out of rut of bringing yourself down.

Next start looking for work from home jobs. PM me I will mail you the links. I have gotten 2-3 jobs like that.Next time, if somebody asks you are not you working say you don't and its your choice.If they make a face, walk away. Next time, make excuses to not meet.Good Luck.

 

OP join a yoga class or gym.. take good care of your kid's health and your health.. try out new dishes.. keep a maid for cleaning dishes n cleaning home.. weekly once or twice go for shopping, visit temples with your kid.. read good books..
And most importantly ignore those relatives words..
Prepare a to-do list to keep the home a happier place and execute it one by one.. keep in mind that for a peaceful and happy life you have to cooperate and support your spouse..

 

Anika, before you get unduly influenced by what others say it is worthwhile examining thier motives. Often when someone puts you down it comes from their own issues or insecurities.
In this instance, your relatives may have been envious that you are able to stay home and still afford nice things since your husband is doing well. They can't openly say this of course so they make snide comments or behave poorly to you.
As they say, living well is the best revenge.
P.S: I hope you got yourself the Tory Burch. They had some great sales over the holidays!

 

+1
You go girl.....get yourself the bag and flaunt it.
Since you don't mind being a sahm right now .....rock that role.
Do your best at home and continue looking for a job .
If some one asks ,just say you and your husband want it for your child for sometime more and you are enjoying yourself for now.

If you really want to work...work towards improving your qualification or patiently wait for a job that works for you and your family.
Till then enjoy.

As for your child....children go through phases.Sometimes they will be difficult even if you are paying 100 % attention.Cut yourself some slack.Scrub yourself and get back your happy family life.

Once you are back....read up some book on helping you with this issue you have.

 

there is nothing to be ashamed of. people say things - mean things ignore them. easier said than done. but it is for your own peace.

If you cannot find a job why don't you take up something some hobby of yours and turn it into a business - like if you like making jewelry start a fb page. If you like cooking start a blog, if you like clothing start a fashion page or since you like working out start a blog or page that logs your routine and inspire others.. I don't know some thoughts.

Meanwhile, you can still search for a job. I hope this helps..

 

Op,

Let me firm and honest with you!!! YOU are overreacting or you dont know how to handle the people around (cousin/aunt in this context)...

Let me forward the content which I read this morning first thing and first post.

Disclaimer- This is not my own content and forwarded from one of the FB posts

READ IT THROUGH:

"Somewhere there is a woman: 30, no children. People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint.
“Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration.
“Well, don’t wait forever. That clock is ticking, ya know,” the sage says before departing, happy with herself for imparting such erudite wisdom. The sage leaves. The woman holds her smile. Alone, she cries…
Cries because she’s been pregnant 4 times and miscarried every one. Cries because she started trying for a baby on her wedding night, and that was 5 years ago. Cries because her husband has an ex-wife and she has given him children. Cries because she wants desperately to try in vitro but can’t even afford the deposit. Cries because she’s done in vitro (multiple rounds) and still has no children. Cries because her best friend wouldn’t be a surrogate. “It would be too weird,” she said. Cries because her medication prevents pregnancy. Cries because this issue causes friction in her marriage. Cries because the doctor said she’s fine, but deep inside she knows it’s her. Cries because her husband blames himself, and that guilt makes him a hard person to live with. Cries because all her sisters have children. Cries because one of her sisters didn’t even want children. Cries because her best friend is pregnant. Cries because she got invited to another baby shower. Cries because her mother keeps asking, “Girl, what are you waiting on?” Cries because her in-laws want to be grandparents. Cries because her neighbor has twins and treats them like ****. Cries because 16-year-olds get pregnant without trying. Cries because she’s an amazing aunt. Cries because she’s already picked out names. Cries because there’s an empty room in her house. Cries because there is an empty space in her body. Cries because she has so much to offer. Cries because he’d be a great dad. Cries because she’d be a great mother, but isn’t.
Somewhere else is another woman: 34, five children. People say to her, “Five? Good lord, I hope you’re done!” And then they laugh… because those types of comments are funny. The woman laughs too, but not in earnest. She changes the subject, as she always does, and gives the disrespect a pass. Just another day. Alone, she cries…
Cries because she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy. Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it. Cries because she has no siblings and felt profoundly lonely as a child. Cries because her Granny had 12 and she’d love to be just like her. Cries because she couldn’t imagine life without her children, but people treat her like they’re a punishment. Cries because she doesn’t want to be pitied. Cries because people assume this isn’t what she wanted. Cries because they assume she’s just irresponsible. Cries because they believe she has no say. Cries because she feels misunderstood. Cries because she’s tired of defending her private choices. Cries because she and her husband are perfectly capable of supporting their family but that doesn’t seem to matter. Cries because she’s tired of the “funny” comments. Cries because she minds her own business. Cries because she wishes others would mind theirs. Cries because sometimes she doubts herself and wonders if she should have stopped two kids ago. Cries because others are quick to offer criticism and slow to offer help. Cries because she’s sick of the scrutiny. Cries because she’s not a side show. Cries because people are rude. Cries because so many people seem to have opinions on her private life. Cries because all she wants to do is live in peace.
Another woman: 40, one child. People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?”
“I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries…
Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. Cries because her son still asks for a brother or sister. Cries because she always wanted at least three. Cries because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life. Cries because her doctor says it would be “high-risk.” Cries because she’s struggling to care for the one she has. Cries because sometimes one feels like two. Cries because her husband won’t even entertain the thought of another. Cries because her husband died and she hasn’t found love again. Cries because her family thinks one is enough. Cries because she’s deep into her career and can’t step away. Cries because she feels selfish. Cries because she still hasn’t lost the weight from her from her first pregnancy. Cries because her postpartum depression was so intense. Cries because she can’t imagine going through that again. Cries because she has body issues and pregnancy only exacerbates it. Cries because she still battles bulimia. Cries because she had to have a hysterectomy. Cries because she wants another baby, but can’t have it.
These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their wombs are their own. Let’s respect that." (Credit: Nadirah Angail. Photo by Joey Thompson, Unsplash ) #9Today copied and pasted..

From the above content, you might already understood that irrespective of race/place/situation/life WOMAN are the gender who are being judged every single day-to-day life. SO, please put your foot down to such crap and accept and cherish your good stars of life, I am not saying you should give up the idea of working outside, if you really want go and get one and dont do that to prove for someone else, do it for your own self.

There are lot of woman who are working outside because they are lone bread winners, some are working because to support their parents monthly expenses, some are working because to support their siblings education/marriage, some are working because to support their spouse family needs, some to buy their dream home, some to save for their kids education...

This society has all kind of people, I dont know why you constantly bumping into most negative/mean people all the time.

From my experience, people respect you when you look confident in carrying yourself (not again with external personality, but its with your inner personality).

Instead of fighting with your DH, you could make a schedule for your day and make it productive and achieve your dreams.

Before joining job set a routine towards it now itself!!!

I wish you all good luck!!!