How's your relationship with your Mother-in-Law?

hi

My relationship with my mil is next to non - existant and she brought it all on herself...The constant talking about me behind my back...my fil making comments like in my house my husband is the worker and i am the boss infront of a 11 year old....
Creating a argument by winding the son up when i was 7 months pregnant...coming to my house after my son was born just to do all her traditions and rituals....
Then talking bad to a member of my famly when then come over for diwali about my family.
Too top it all of i confronted her and told her why is she doing all this and if she has somthing to say about me or my famly then pls come and tell me as then i cant try to sort it out but instead of agreeing and making amends she denies everything and lies...the old woman has so much ego...and then my husband tells me to forget it all...why should i...i cant forget what she did to me after my son was born and the way she behhaved....only their son and their grandson matter to them but still i dont stop my son from giong there but i have completely stopped going there as they only talk to my husband and i just sit there.....and then behind the back they discuss everything with my sils....i am alwasy the last one to know about any functions or occassions in the house but they expect me to tag along so it looks good in teh community...well i dont live my life for the community so now i hold a barrier up and am always guarded if they say something....i took alot when when son was born but now i dont keep quiet....so now my mil does not speak to me...i am 13 weeks pregnant and she has not called once to ask how i am or if i want to eat anything etc...so this time round when the baby is born they are not going to do any of their rubbish that they do as i am going to put my foot down...they have created all themseleevs as they never treated me like the family...and after everything guess what i have brainwashed their son (when the son never speaks up anyway) and its all my fault for what has happened....well deep down in my heart i know i have done nothing wrng and if they cant accept their mistakes then i am not going to be a door mat. Dont get me wroing there are my faults too but i only spoke up when i couldnt take it anymore and i dont call them anymore because of the way they treated me...and i admitted my faults to them.
So thats my realtionship with my mil....

 

hi ladies, this is such a cool thread! i learned alot from all of your posts. my relationship with mil is not good, when i first got married i did the best i knew how, but she complained, complained, complained, she doens;t reliaze that she didn;t raise me, so how can i live up to her expectations? lately, i have been tryiong very hard to keep a brave face and mind when she is on the phone or visitng us, i really have made no comments back to her, thanks to all of my friends. BUT of course there is already alot of damage done. Now, i really don;t try at all to please her, i just can;t keep saying sorry for things i haven;t done, and didn;t say. :idontgetit: . if i am arobot (do/say everything HER way), we will have no problems, but if i speak up,. she gives me attitude. ANYTHING that goes wrong in this family is my fault, and i mean anythingmg::bang:bang. sash

 

My MIL had come to US to help me and my husband out since I had delivered only 3 months ago back then. Instead of helping, she was extremely competitive for every little thing with me, including mothering my own little baby!!! If I cooked any dish, she would cook the same a day later to prove she cooked it much better. Not just that, she would tell me in front of my husband how much better her daughter is, and that she could manage her child so much better than me. Anyway, after staying almost two months, I happen to look at a chat window that was left open on my computer.It was a conversation that she had had with my FIL. Not only she had nick named me poorly, she spoke ill about me comparing me to some lady my husband;s family hated. Inspite of me doing so much for her, trying to suck up all the while, trying to please her by buying almost 500-600 dollars worth of gifts, taking her out every weekend and sometimes even during the week to dinners in expensive restaurants... It was so shocking to me. I confronted her with it finally. It obviously took an ugly turn. Fortunately, my hubby was on my side, since he had witnessed all the sarcasm during her stay. She walked out on us, and since then neither her nor my FIL or SIS-in-law talks to me or wants to know how our son (their grandson) is doing. Anger is fine, but i dont understand why show towards the baby! My hubby does call them occasionally, but thats where it is as of now. Feel sad that things took such a turn. I dont have any motivation to patch things up with her....just feel it is going to be uncomfortable when we ever travel to India...dont want to stay with them...but not sure how I can get away being at my parents place alone. I think as Indians we really suck up to lot of unwanted treatments.

 

Hi Ladies,

I read through the thread and I am shocked mostly by how badly the treatment is :-(

My relationship with my mil (and all my hubby's relatives) has been good so far... We came to the US 1 week after the wedding and I was in my Dh's place for only 2 days! My mil and sil were very caring and helpful during the stay (I know its just for a couple of days...but hey, that time might be enough to start silly fights...! ) Thankfully, nothing of that sort has happened (Touch wood)

Last time when we visited India, it was peaceful too...We stayed in my place for 10 days and in my hubby's place for 10 days... My mil never even allowed me to cook as I was staying there for only few days..she was asking my hubby to take me out and show the places around while she cooks!! however, i insisted that we all go out together wherever it is and helped out with all household chores...and that all of us spend as much together as possible (as we get all the ALONE time here in the US) she was very happy and kept saying I was a gud DIL also appreciated me a lot for the biriyani I made and asked me to make it again one more time before I left coz it was very tasty! (She doesnt know to make biriyani..so I taught her as well)

We are again planning a trip in Feb '09. I guess I am one of the lucky few to have gotten wonderful MIL, SIL and of course my DDDDDh

Cheers,
Vidhya

 

my relationship with my MIL is yuckky..........she is such a nasty person. we stay in with her and my DH doesn't want to shift to another house. all the property is in her name. even the lands we bought are in her name. she is safe and secure. her husband my FIL is a such hen-pecked husband. does what he is told.
the lady just finished her 8th class only. but commands all. and when it comes to money matters she keeps saying that Hansika why don't you save money.
I mean I know about financial matters, i have invested a lot in Gold. and why should i tell her about my money.
I eat a lot of spicy food. not too spicy by all means but just right taste. she also likes spicy food but because of my FIL. she wants me to cook bland food. she says add just one green chilli Hansika. and for seasoning she wants me to add just one dry chilli that too with the seeds removed.
and whenever my SIL comes to visit thats it!!!!!!!! the day after she leaves we, i mean my DH and myself have such an almighty fight. it always ends with me in tears.
the fact that i don't have a child also a black mark against me. we have been married for 7 years. and all i can show for that time is 4 miscarriages.
she is so pathetic she doesn't want me to use electric cooker/microwave. though i have both.
she doesn't say a word to me but does all her best to make me look like i don't do anything. my DH doesn't believe a word i say.
my hubby believes what his mother says each and everytime. sometimes i wonder why the hell should i live with him. sometimes it just goes so bad that i wish we could divorce.
my hubby really is a nice person sometimes. well i should say most of the time.
when my MIL starts yakking about kids my husband really supports me. he doesn't even speak to me properly in when we are in his house. though he is great when we go to my aunt's home. we go out. enjoy ourselves generally have a great time. but when board the flight for chennai. he becomes so moody. my inlaws they said when we got married that they will take such care of me. that i'll soon forget my father's home. that was such a lie. i have no parents they had passed away when i was in my late teens. i was brought up with my aunt. she had no children. my aunt and uncle support me in all issues.
sometimes i am really vexed with all this.
sometimes it gets so bad that i just want to kill myself.
thank you all for reading this. it's as though i have unburdened myself.

Hansika(aka Simply_doubtful)

 

Yeah,Just avoid the controversies and be numb to the situation...

 

Hi, Hansika
You will find most of us are going thru the same issues as you have mentioned. :cheers
So, stay calm and don't ever think of doing any harm to yourself. These type of families really ruin our health and mental condition completely. I am not a right person to advice you on this as I keep hunting for my solutions here. But try to divert your thoughts to some other things. I know it will be highly difficult for you since you are living with them under the same shed. Your In-laws will always be there to irritate you to the core. As I am not sure if you are working or not, I would advise you to start working to avoid some time daily from this mess at home. Believe me, it de-strains a lot.
Husband's will never support , atleast thats what I am believing now. So, I stopped expecting anything from him completely.

Wish u good luck lady....

 

This is a very nice thread! Before marriage I've witnessed my neighbour having a tough time with her MIL and going to the extent of commiting suicide. From then I think its always safe to be far away and maintain a distance with MIL. Getting too closer or too far is a danger. so I maintain a hi bye relation. She seems to be a kind lady so far. I call her once in a week to India and when my hubby speaks i speak. She never gets invoved in any of our personal stuff. Ours is love marriage and she dint have any issues. Her daughter -my sil is not married. So she might have some demands from us to get the marriage done. Fair point as she immediately agreed to our marriage when her whole family was against it wanting his sister to get married first. anyways...thats in the future

I dont involve in any of their issues/problems. I hardly stayed in their house after marriage also.by that time it was time for my trip back to london. She has never been harsh with me. But I sometimes think she never appreciated me for what ever I did in their home. But still this is not an issue . As long as the relationship is smooth I have no regrets..Moreover my mil is a widow, so I have that soft corner for her and sympathize for all that she underwent. I encourage her and suport her every time I call her. She also supports me and advices me for anything. so good so far..Any relationship can turn hayway anytime so its best to either let go certain things or maintain a sturdy relationship to sail smooth.

:cheers

 

my relationship with MIL is horrible. sometimes she stays her distance, but whenever she sees the opportunity to jump into our personal problems and tell my DH to divorce me, she does. She is dominating and very posessive of my DH. She manipulates him using emotional tactics, she's always trying to turn him against me, always complaining about everything I do. My Dh's parents lived with us 5 months, looooongest 5 months of my life. bonk

 

Hi Everyone,

Well I guess I must B the odd lady out in this whole thread. I have a wonderful (touch wood) relationship with my M-I-L. Though it has been just 1.5yrs since my marriage & I stayed with my in laws hardly 4 about 2 months after my marriage. My MIL is least expecting & most giving. She is 1 intelligent lady who knows how to maintain relationships. Infact to be very honest, sometimes I feel she is so good that I too try 2 B like her & in our home the competition is between goodness. Strange but I really feel I might've done some great deeds.
I have seen 1 thing in her - she never expects that I get up early, she never scolds me (if I am wrong, she just explains with love), if she gives me a work, she will not interfere, if she has a feedback, she'll give it in the most humble way after I have completed. I dont say that there R perfect human beings in this world because V all R good & bad at the same time. She is very wise what to say when n to whom, in front of whom. I have 2 sis-in-laws & they both R very nice as well - mayB they R walking on their mom's footsteps. Even my own Mom sometimes says things to me that hurt me, but this never happens with my MIL. I dont know how she manages 2 stay this way always but what she tells me is that relationships are like banks....the more U give, the more U get, mayB thats the reason Y all her children always like 2 stay with her, love her & care 4 her & I have never heard any1 of them talking rudely to her....its great 2 C that such ppl do exist in the world! I am blessed!