How To Take This

Hello friends,

I am in USA married with 2 kids and me and my husband are highly educated and working full time.

My question is i have never seen what ever you call marital bliss from day1 of married life
My DH has severe anger issues, if things don't go his way he become furious shouts, name calling, blame game no end to any thing.

He is like this towards his parents too, he says some thing and there is no option to say no, if we say we have to hear all vulgar, filthy language and if i request him to stop using that language his version is I had committed a sin so have to face this consequence.

What type of sins i usually commit?

1. If I invite some common friends to home and say to him that i have invited that is example of sin

If i take pictures with friends (girls only) he abuses that i don't care for kids , I am always doing makeup taking pics to attract some one( whom should i attract i don't know)

Some times it is like walking on egg shells with him, don't know when he will explode

He judges, laughs, calls names for simple things so I kind of started ignoring his abuses, i strictly told not to abuse before kids, he shouts and demeans them too other wise he treats them well.

One day I said why do you do this type of haircut ( I didn't judge, just looking for his version why he likes that?)

His answer was - i look ugly and my face is swollen still he didn't comment, but i had commented on his hair - I got shocked with his answer never spoke about his hair cut again

I know what he said was not right, because I am a fitness coach myself- but left it there

He got angry for a simple thing made a big fuss got angry and he pushed me at home for that and punched hard on my back thrice, i told him i am on my period

I am. not sure what to do?

If i am calm he says ignoring and don't care atittude
If i answer back abuses will be a lot

Basically he says he is perfect husband material and i am a worthless wife, fit for nothing doesn't love kids or him.

He abused my parents and me with very vulgar demeaning language.

I strictly don't use vulgar language against any one because I am deep follower of swami Vivekananda and Ramana maharishi

I am into yoga meditation and lot more, so making peace with myself is not big deal.

I try to analyze when things go wrong for that he abuses a lot when analyzing starts don't know what to do


I eat healthy into spiritual life, so these abuses will not bother me much, but just missed a sweet married life for this life and I aaccept it
He always talks me tht i can have ***** with other guys and I am morally ethically strong and told him not to use such words.

I have never cheated him and no plans to do so in future, accept the life it comes.

But punching is not acceptable for me, i told i accept my mistakes if I do and he says it's always my fault.
I can't tell this to any one in India

 

Thank you friends and beautiful life

You are correct his mother is very abusive but what is use to blame her now, it's all over, my husband says he has doubt on my character and if he goes on any tour i might call any men home?

What should I answer this accusation?

I look very beautiful may be he has doubt that some one will get attracted to me/I might flirt with them.

I told him i had not even have thought on other males in my heart forget about affair.

My thoughts are pure as i had already mentioned i am deeply spiritual with Swamy vivekananda and Ramana maharshi principles

I can't prove my heart is clear and he thinks i enjoy affair with other men in my heart and waiting for the right opportunity.

One thing i am waiting is he should understand life is bigger than being abusive to partner or any one.

If you are insecure that's your problem not mine, I am a trained singer and some times give performances too which are pure ,if you talk about my relationship with others in those? Why don't you see with your eyes i treat them as my siblings

 

Thank you beautiful life for detail reply, I just want to share with some one.As I said i can't share this in India and my family back home is happy that I am happy here and they are old too.

I am not looking things to change, I understood that my husband is a abuser all these days I thought he has anger issues.

Today i got reality when he did all this, I am good now , cannot separate for many reasons, my kids are so attached to him( he is good when he is in good mood) and I am not supporting my husband actions towards kids/me and i can never call him good husband after the above incident.

How ever i thought when i cannot separate, I have to accept the reality and I strictly told him today if he raises hand on me again then i call it quits, at that point i will not think twice it's over.

I want to forgive for my own peace, not that he is good, I told him I cannot accept abuses on kids/me, I want my kids personality to be clean not like him for sure , so that they will be happy with their wives in future.

I don't know how my future is and I had no control on my past, present is some thing i am.trying to come into terms.

Thank you once again for your answer

 

Thank you diva taking time to reply my thread.

I am.pretty much occupied with my music concerts, here the problem is he becomes more furious that i am searching happiness in other things like hobbies, my prog, fitness books.

He doesn't give me happiness, i am not dependent on that as I know, but he suffocates a lot, like if i go simple lunch with my girls friends I am always anxious what he say?

Even kids is playing he wants me be around them, i always keep focus on what kids are doing, I don't like to be suffocated/ i don't like to suffocate others.

My husband is other way around even if i step away for 2 mins then he says I am neglecting him and family.

With demanding mainstream careers, active toddlers how can be 24x7 around them?

I have many hobbies and helping stuff too but i balance it pretty well, my kids never feel they are left out, it is my husband nagging always