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How To Reduce Duration Of In Laws Visit?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 21, 2021.

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  1. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

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    We all have heard about this quote:

    “God helps those who help themselves.”
    You have to implement this in your life.
    You have to look for strength and happiness within yourself. Stop looking towards your husband, inlaws & your own parents. Develop the strength within yourself.

    I have been in your shoes. Mentally depressed & down, after 20 years of being married, I stopped looking for favors, zero expectations from my husband, my inlaws & to some extent my own family, I started meditating & looking for strength within. Now, everyone is same but things have changed for the better. I DONT work hence I dont earn but I have stopped giving anyone right to insult me. I have stopped looking at my husband for respect & honor. I make myself happy & dont beg for anything from anybody. You can do it too. Make sure to spend some me time. I started with early morning when there would be no-one to bother me & now I take “me time” at my own terms. You CAN do it. Pl stop looking at others. Develop the strength & make your kids strong. Forget everything else. Good luck.
     
    vashini, dhara18, Roar and 2 others like this.
  2. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    OP..I am so sorry for all you are going through. You have some valuable wisdom from PPs but I wanted to add my 2 cents based purely on personal experience!

    Might sound calculative but take a step back and think through how you can solve this tactically. If you take ILs out of equation, are there any other issues between you and your husband? Other than IL topic, is there respect, support and love in the relationship? If yes, then you have strong reasons to fight for. You can’t change ILs. You can’t expect DH to abandon them. The only thing you can do is to slowly make your husband see things from your view. For that, you first need to show him you are both on the same team. Given your husband’s increased stress, it shows he also feels his parents’ issues but unable to tackle it. Take next week or two, grit your teeth and face your daily challenges without complaining. Make your DH see that you are putting efforts. When you get private moment, tell him that you want to do anything and everything for ILs, just that you are physically stretched and tired. Remember that you are not complaining but just sharing. Talk about other general things with DH. Build back the team. Ask him to help with stuffs around the home. He will slowly but surely see things from your side. And by all grace, hopefully he will stand up for you too.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    don't worry about career gap! Apply for entry level positions. My friend took 5 years gap after second child she got job in covid time.... due to covid she took the job which is currently remote due to covid but in a different state! She is hoping to apply to another job locally while she is employed as it will be easier to get a job when employed.! When applying don't look for jobs only local to you due to covid apply for a suitable job "anywhere"
     
  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    I don't blame you and fully support you! Reason is same thing happened when my in laws came! so I will be following your post. I too am lost..

    they yelled this is their house and I need to get out of the house!to.. I did nothing when the fight erupted.. in the morning MIL and we all went to outdoor to sightseeing place.(animals etc farm..). there DH was taking pictures with all of us but when I saw the pictures in all of them he cut me out ... only his parents, my kids and him were in pics. I started feeling bad.. when I started asking why he did that they started accusing me I didn't let my daughter go near them.. (3 year old at the time).. my daughter was actually sleepy she wanted me to carry her so she came from my mother in laws arms to me asking her to carry me.. and they attacked me that I didn't let my MIL touch my daughter and carry her.

    When we came home.. I had taken a shower as it was a farm and sunny day with animals so when I came out of shower all ready.. . mother in law was sitting in a chair acting all neglected , my DH was pampering her and and they start accusing me of not offering her food (we all just came home!)... all of a sudden they start attacking me saying this is their house in laws will stay here and I need to get out...

    SO I SEE AND TRUST WHAT UR SAYING IS TRUE.. but don't know solution.. so I will be looking at ur post too!
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    yes you can earn money posting cooking videos on youtube! People are always looking to learn new recipes!
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    what happened after that ? How long has it been since you've been in parents house?
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Things are still not good...
    Unable to travel anywhere for time being, and waiting for vaccine so I can travel safely..
    I have been trying to find a good domestic helper/maid for household chores, but still not successful in finding one due to recent Covid situation and many good maids are either employed at other homes and not free, or relocated to their native place..
    And everyone taunted me asking why I need maid? And what work I have at home if I arrange a maid, I’ll be free...they want me to continue doing all chores whether or not my health allows..they will roam around everywhere, meet relatives freely without caring, but will not allow maid inside the home, or share the chores with me till the time I get a proper maid...I’m so upset..
    My known ladies who are not working and working both have cook and maid, they have enough free time and could look after their health and get quality time to spend...
     
  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I want an input form those staying in India, how many of you have domestic helpers and how many of you don’t have maid?
    How is it possible to manage without a maid when in laws want to dump all work on DIL and sit and pass comments and not eep maid or even sharing the works?
    I somehow haven’t had much luck with maids, everytime I get a good maid, she either goes back to her home town to be with her family , or get a pregnant and goes for delivery for hometown and doesn’t come back for work..or works for few months and leaves job due to attitude problem...Covid Lockdown many of good domestic helps in my area to vacate their homes and go to native. And many didn’t come back as the cost of living would be higher here than their native village and they won’t be able to manage expense due to loss of income...
     
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Hire a maid even if you have to keep changing them often. No one that I know in India is without a maid and cook right now. Just ask them to wash their hands when they arrive and wear a mask while they are working in your house.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Reminded me of the fil from the malayalam movie "the great Indian kitchen ":BangHead:
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
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