Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 21, 2021.
Do you have kids, OP?
This is an all important question. Previous respondents have asked this in various ways, but no response from OP. Mothers tolerate a lot of abuse when there are children to protect. When there are no children, quite a number of self-preservation options open up.
Thanks for explicitly asking that question.
That's why I cannot take hasty decisions.
I sometimes dont get enough privacy or free time to read each sentence in detail.
But reading all responses slowly and thank you to everyone......
I AM deeply SAD at heart after reading your post but for which I wouldn’t have suggested a unique out of box durable solution.
I did consider about kids.
You had already procrastinated enough that is reflected in deterioration of your health.
Restoration of your health must be paramount.
I am in prayers with other followers here for your Almighty to show you quickly the way out to wriggle out of your hard times.
Something positive might happen that would lead to change in parents in law’s plans to shift to your place; and to the people who reportedly poisoned your MIL ‘s mind - would get naturally extinguished from the scene and a overall +ve change of heart in DH.
With best wishes to you & kids.
That’s abuse. You are the only one who is going to stand up against him and your in laws.
Since you are not working and having kids with less support from parents you are stuck in this situation until your in laws leave. The problem is your husband and he being non supportive is the main reason why your in laws are taking advantage of the situation and playing their cards and mistreating you.
Try to persuade your husband that unless you have a maid you will not be able to satisfy your in laws desired food intake. Even if there is risk of pandemic extra help is what is going to help you. Otherwise make dishes lesser and or make it less appetising. That’s in your hands. If they find that the food you cook isn’t nice obviously your in laws will dislike them. Sometimes things like these are necessary for your health sake if you run out options.
You have had a LOT of patience in real life. Its totally understandable for your desperate need to talk here.
It is abusive now that you told what was happening. I did not want to read and run so replying. I dont know if you got any time left for yourself or not but I think you must equip with some job worthiness, an online course or something. It need not be heafty but a little something which can get you into something after things are a bit safer.
If you are on the same track- serve, sponge the negitivity-wake up-repeat... the train will never end up in a different station.
Only if the track changes, the destination does.
I was in the same or worse situation ( not joint family but financially brutal)... I am now not loaded and all but I am in a better place, just a small job to start with. Just 30min a day working towards a 5yr plan.
I was 35 then and asked it if was too late; some one told me 'you will be 40 anyway, be a 40 with an inch closer to being free'... just an inch... you wont be in the same misery 5 yrs from now atleast.
Not repeating the same but with extra years.
Sorry if it seems like a spiraling answer but I want you to know what I recently discovered. May be you know already but just putting it out. One of my friends is in trouble due to this.
Apparently all your ( housewife's) slogging to keep your home intact for all the years so that your husband can comfortabily go earn some money, isnt legally recognised.
Once a housewife leaves her husband, she is sent away with kids and bad memories while, husband is sent away with his 'self-aquired' property. So after all you have done; if you want to get out, you must remember that you wont get anything out of your slogging years.
Stash up behind you. Whatever you decide, it will be your safety net if at all you fall.
Yes, Roar..finances matter a lot..
One thing is for sure, even assuming things get better in some months, I cannot take for granted that everything will go smoothly in many more years to come..
I really need to be employed and financially independent..
Being an unemployed housewife would magnify all my existing issues.
I really hope once this Covid thing settles down and job market improves i can get some job suitable for me...I can see many other ladies with equally irritating in laws in my family circle...they are able to manage because they go for work..in laws are left with no choice but to manage work with help of domestic helpers and do work themselves...
Job market is also so competitive, and with career break I've to improve my confidence and employability.
Job or no job; you are not any less of a person, you are actually a lucky draw for them. Husbands who dont respect their wife who takes care of their kids/ home wont respect even if she gets a job. Its not you, its him.
Put your foot down firm and do what you can afford to give away to these ungrateful people. YOU are the giver and so you decide. Stay on your team, and God always waits on his toes to help people who help themselves.