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How To Over Come My Stress And Act Cool With My Angel

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Janakinarne, Dec 28, 2021.

  1. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Hi to all super moms,am here to blow out myself and need suggestions and correct my known mistakes with my little angel..SRy for long post..
    My little angel is 25months old and from past a month she was giving very time to me to handle her,she is very sweet and understanding girl and responds quickly and very sharp and too sensitive..
    Coming to myself,am house wife staying with inlaws from her birth to til date and no support from them in raising the baby and husband is just a housemate in the house..
    Coming to my prob..she is very active girl and plays on her self and never demands me for anything for long time,if i distract her she will forget about it..
    Now a days she was doing everything purposely and if i try to correct her she just repeats the same thing again,if iam silent then she wil just come to me and wil tel what she was going to do and wil do that..
    Throwing things purposely, before she used to but she is very careful with mobile and glass items,and wil give the ph if we forgot somewhere,but now she was just throwing it away for N no of times ,that too very hard,
    And became very fussy eater,due to that am unable to feed her anything ,from morning wakeup to till night i have to run behind her to feed ,even though she was not at all having anything,
    Due to house works and watching her all around and trying to feed her becoming a very stressful job to me and am losing my control and shouting on her and yelling at her and slapping alot,and if i gave her anything to eat she eil just play with it and looks at me , sometimes i wil control myself and sometimes i can't and wil ended up slapping her,i don't know if anyone waste the food i can't control myself normally,
    Due to all these now a days she don't want to stay with me and wants to slp with her gparents ,
    And am feeling very frustated with her and losing rge control on myself and it's stressing me alot ,
    She is totally depends on solids she rejects milk or any snacks ,so I wil try to feed her ,but she was not ready even to taste wat it is,even after trying for 10attempts she wil just throw my hand and i ended up shouting at her and slapping her..and at that time she wil come to me and says mama i love you...
    I don't know how to handle her and how to low down my anxiety and stress ,
    Fir everything i have to run behind her,inlaws act as they are not related to her and if she took something als they just calls me to check ,
    It just increasing my stress and results showing on my daughter...
    How to teach her not to do,and how to control myself at that time..
    Looking for suggestions from experience parents,
    Don't say it's appropriate with the age,but she passed the stage and she knows i wil scold her if she did something not accepted,
    How to feed her,
    Due to all these am unable to spend time wth her and wants to b all alone ..
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I understand our frustration but please don’t hit your child. It will serve no good purpose.
    Do you have a structured routine for the day?
     
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  3. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    S i follw the routine, morning 7-7.30 she wil wake up,by the time i prepare bfast and i offer her luke warm water and then a light tummy massage and wil ask her to hav bfast, before she used to have atleast by watching some rhymes now even she was not ready atleast wat is Dre in her plate and wil run away from there,even after 10attempts she was not ready to hav and there I wil loose my patience and it continuees all'the day, even for a small glass of milk i hav to spend 1hr time...,
    If i leave her as like that she won't ask me for food als,but she is hungry...
    Now a days due to this we don't have the quality time together als...
     
  4. aks12

    aks12 Bronze IL'ite

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    She is probably just going through the "terrible twos." try to take her out for a walk around the building. maybe she is just bored. As for the eating-my aunt would say that girls are generally very fussy eaters.
     
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  5. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Try to make a variety of food and dont ask her to eat. Just sit and eat yourself showing it's very tasty and you don't want to share with her. If she takes some pretend to cry and tell her not to take more It worked with my kids, hopefully work for you too.
     
  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Kids Toddler age is very tough for parents to handle, if kid has active and stubborn personality. Please read books or videos on terrible 2's and 3's
    some how kids reflect same behavior as their care giver(mostly mom), telling with experience. Your anxiety and stress is passed on to her and she seeking your attention (loving way). If she is not eating is okay than shouting and slapping her not okay as it will create big problems, some kids out of fear may listen, some will rebel at that age also.

    If you are getting angry or frustrated, leave the room and go to balcony and cool down and come back to kid.
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Don’t fuss too much over her food or negative behaviors. If you give her attention then you are reinforced the behavior. Put out small portions of her favorite foods on a colorful plate and have her come to the table. If she fusses let it be and try again. Make a habit of eating at the table, not while walking around.
    This is a challenging age and things can change quickly so keep trying.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    When my daughter was two, her pediatrician was an old-school pediatrician, 70+ and with that bedside manner that we don't see any more.

    When her weight touched the 20th percentile and then 10th percentile, he spent extra time to reassure me. Two things he told me are fresh in my mind to this day.
    1) No toddler will starve itself.
    2) Your job is to present (offer) healthy food in an appetizing manner. It is not your job to feed her or make sure she eats.

    Of course I laughed and told him that is nearly impossible for Indian parents to follow.

    What you can try is:
    - Offer her a food or milk. If she refuses, put it away. No cajoling or persuading. Offer it again after 20 mins. You should have small tasks you attend to in these 20 mins so you don't get stressed out at the time being wasted. Follow this for 3-4 months. She will be 2.5 yrs by then.
    - Next, change things so that food is eaten only at the table and at specified times. Use an analog wall clock and explain to her that breakfast/ lunch/ snack will be eaten when the small hand and big hands move from this number to this number. Make it a 30 minute window. Use a toy clock like this one to help her understand the concept of time. Make the "understanding time" a fun mom and child activity not related only to food and meals. Like, time how long it takes for a bath or for something to change on the street outside the window.

    Ask your pediatrician for which gummies/multivitamins you can give her so that while better eating habits are getting established, she is not missing out on essential nutrition.

    ===
    The most effective way is to simply serve the food, tell her it is time to eat. After 30 minutes, simply put away the food. Do not engage in any battle or argument about food. Stick to this for 2-3 weeks. The kid will learn that food appears and is available for only fixed time durations.

    Now, if I can find a way to explain this "kitchen hours" concept to much older teens and adults, the pandemic would be much more bearable.
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2021
    shravs3 and messedup like this.
  9. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    Ya she was very much bored staying all the time in side ,it's too cool and till 9am am not allowed her to come out and after that I wil leavve her as her choice and by 6.30 wil take her in,but she wants to spend time outside ,wanna go for walks and wants to play outside the gate which is main road ,noway even to sit there als..
    Thnaks for your rlpy,wil try to take her for walks atleast in the evening,she may feel better
     
  10. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    I never thought of handling a toddler is this much difficult,even upto last month she followed me and If she did something als she wil corrects it,may bey husband als taken a part in this sudden change in her,she throw the toys and wil bring back if i ask her,but my husband just raise his voice and wants to pick those by her self just by forcing her,not ready to listen and she wil cry her lungsout even though he won't leave the child until she brings it back,due to all those she became stubborn now ..
    And doing everything purposely and rejects to bring it back,
    S my stress and anxiety was reflecting in her,but am unable to control it,and even when I think of it als am feeling more stressed and want my self to be alone all the time ,don't know when it wil be normal..
    Wil try my best not to slap her,and can't able to low down my voice because day by day it's becoming very difficult for me to feed her and she wants to escape from meals ,and she totally depends on 3meals and won't take any top-up milk nor fruits,this is the main reason for my anger on her during feeding time,if i skip the meal she wil be like that until next meal and not sure whe wil have it or not...
    Thanks for your suggestions wil try my best to follow...
     

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