How to move on if you do not get what you love the most?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by abc00, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. abc00

    abc00 Gold IL'ite

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    Right now Im dealing with a situation and wanted to get something I love the most ( not a person ) and Im not getting it. Im making my efforts with utmost dedication but im not succeeding. Im losing self-confidence and having a tough time with myself. I do not want to share with anyone because sometimes I feel people around me feel happy to see me in such situation.

    Please suggest something positive.
     
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  2. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear abc,

    Obviusoly whatever that is you are seeking is important to you. Let us assume that as your long term goal. One way to deal with this is to have Short term goals that will eventually an dhopefully lead to what you want. In the end when you look back either you would have got to your long term goal or you can see how much you have benefited from your short term goals and who knows what you want then might have changed. Enjoy whatever you are doing keeping it as a long term objective and inching your way to it.

    Best wishes.
     
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  3. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Srama has given you a great suggestion for dealing with this situation practically. Here is a suggestion for dealing with the psychological aspect of your predicament; write about it. Keep a journal specifically for this purpose, and write down your thoughts and feelings whenever you become preoccupied with this issue. This will serve a number of purposes:

    1) It will keep your matter private, yet give you a chance to vent. I understand the need to get it all out, but I also understand that you do not want to give fodder to people who may take perverse delight in your difficulties (and believe me, I know they're out there, just waiting to pounce). This way, you are able to have an inner dialogue, with yourself, about this issue.

    2) It'll stop you from obsessing. If you find yourself being overwhelmed by feelings of frustration, regret, inadequacy, and failure, write it all down without editing. As soon as you get it all out, and get it on paper, you will find that some of the burden has been lifted. Later, when you go back and read what you wrote, it'll help you to put things in perspective. Often, things seem especially hopeless when we're in the grip of strong emotion. If we can examine our thoughts and feelings in a more stable mental state, our reading of the situation will be more realistic in future.

    3) You can have a solid record of your timeline for achieving your goals, and of the little achievements and setbacks you face along the way. Let your journal be your most trusted, non-judgmental friend. It will keep track of your progress for you, and hopefully, give you better insights into your mind and the way it works. This will enable you to grow as a person and become stronger when it comes to facing challenges.

    Good luck!
     
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  4. abc00

    abc00 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks to both Srama and Ansuya for your replies. Ansuya, how have you been? I used to ( and also now ) love your replies earlier and good to see you back. I will write down my thoughts sometimes. I feel that Im the best person to handle myself. Im usually very positive about life and face all the challenges myself but sometimes some situations are out of my control and I feel very helpless chasing them. When I tried to share this with so-called friends, they make statements like ' not only us, one is happy in life'. I started to feel the magnitude of my issue much more than what it is supposed to be when Im judged by them. So I stopped sharing.
     
  5. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm just fine, thanks. I appreciate your kind words about my posts. All the best with the challenges you are currently facing. It is a sad fact of life that as we get older, it is harder to create or maintain a support system to help us through our difficulties. To complicate matters further, we are at an age where both our children and our aging parents need our help. It is not hard to see why it may seem like no one is there for us. I hope you have found some measure of solace here on IL :)
     
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