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How To Manage Quarrel With Hubby During Pregnancy

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lithika, Apr 12, 2017.

  1. Lithika

    Lithika Bronze IL'ite

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    We have been married for 2 years & I am conceive now. I would try to manage my household work by myself & I don't like to disturb any of my friends as i m pregnant. But i do expect my husband to share some work atleast once in a week. During my first trimester ,if i dont cook also he ll say that he ll take care of lunch outside & he leaves. I haven't take food properly during dat time due to nausea & vomitting .
    Though i didn't say anything @ dat time nw i have a feeling y didn't he even make some tiffin or juice. He s taking care of vacuuming & laundry after I shout at him .He wouldnt say directly dat he will not do thing he will keep postponing thing till I get mad & shout.....Sometimes I vacuum myself after seeing dirty house & rest room .Even then also he is not realising dat he should share some work.... Nowadays I would lk to spend time with him but he always come late then before @7 pm or 10 pm sometimes... I can understand if it happens twice or thrice in a week but everyday he does the same & reason he could give is as his team mates were der he also stayed(without dng any wrk) but i have seen his team mates gng home earlier for simple reason ...once n a month he makes lunch as i m stubborn nowadays....I am trying to control my anger but i blast atleast once in a week...He wouldn't say or do thing to rise my anger ...I am really scared dat would affect my baby too...I know that I am expecting little extra care from him now but do i over expect or exaggerate simple thing??.....He loves me a lot no doubt in dat ...Plz help me out to control my anger..
     
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  2. lathalatha1

    lathalatha1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Lithika,
    first take care of yourself especially during you're first trimester. At this time having anger is no good to you. It'll eventually effect you're health unnecessarily. I don't no where you live but if you live in US they have some classes for motherhood. Try to do some mediation it will make to feel relaxed it also works on anger management too. Try it out and I hope you feel better and take care of your'e baby as well. Happy Pregnancy!
     
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  3. deepthivinayak1

    deepthivinayak1 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    It is just pregnancy hormones making u get anger. I know this as I am also pregnant now. Same happen in my house. We expect care and pampering this time. We expect someone to take effort and do it before we say, but it won't happen. So far before pregnancy we all do our work by ourself but once conceived and feel that we can't do it like before n also our spouse not helping us without asking ,make us get anger. You can just ask him that can he help in cooking daily or twice in a week,so that you can have healthy food which is good for baby n u. Make schedule of cleaning n house hold chores beforehand and inform him early. Even if they postpone, don't get tensed. In weekends , u can fix a time like 1 hour where he can help to cut veggies for next one week. So that he don't have to do it in weekdays.
    Just relax and enjoy the pregnancy. All pregnant women go through it. No one is going to ask about messy home when u r pregnant (they understand). Enjoy this phase.
     
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  4. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi op,
    Sometimes DH doesn't understand what we are going through..They can not understand our expectations..they might do it one day..but next day they find it hard to continue as it was not part of their practice before.So this phase comes to every women who stay away from parent's location.Stay calm..take a walk with him in the weekends..do what you can do..you might feel lonely..listen to music..think other options like going to india for rest of the pregnancy(if possible) or bring your parents here...being near mother is heaven during pregnancy ,irrespective of how loving and caring husband would be..(IMO)
     
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  5. Prishaa

    Prishaa Senior IL'ite

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    yes it is harmonal changes which makes us feel uneasy. If you keep fighting, arguing it will definitely affect your baby as well..since guys are not used to house work may be he s avoiding.. Best thing is keep maid for all this work and also for cooking.. So that you can have food on time. And also spend time with your husband.. And during day you can spend time on doing pregnancy yoga and pranayam.. This will help you to be calm..
     
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  6. Lithika

    Lithika Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank u all...Hope all ur suggestions ll help me to ctrl my anger... Atleast for my baby health I ll do dis....:blush:
     
  7. Lithika

    Lithika Bronze IL'ite

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    I do live n US....I miss my family a lot nw
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Hormones during pregnancy are really tough on both partners. There's not a simple solution, because pregnancy affects each woman differently. Some are very energized, while others struggle to finish the one task of feeding herself, each day (I was working, but I came home to crash on the sofa with no thought of getting up and preparing a meal for anyone). Since each week/month is different, don't put high expectations on yourself, or your husband. Try to do activities that give you clarity and peace, like joining a prenatal yoga class or doing some art (or something else that gets you out of normal boring routine). I found that I struggled to exercise and meditate during pregnancy, so the prenatal yoga class forced me to take care of myself, with a room of other pregnant ladies - its nice and free of judgement.
    Try involving your husband in your activities, like taking a walk together in the evenings so you can catch up with each other after a long day or watch a movie together or clean the house together during the weekend (it's tough to expect housework in the normal workweek). Also try planning a date night, with hubby - Dress up and plan a fancy outing, it will balance out the stresses of homelife.
     
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  9. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    All others have given good tips. one more, tell your husband nicely that every saturday morning either he clean house or you will call cleaning lady. try to do yoga meditation if possible, if u can't go out on youtube there are good videos. shouting and getting angry affects baby, so please try to keep yourself calm. explain hubby what you need and expect nicely without loosing tamper. Learn easy cooking tips. even if healthy food is boring you have to eat healthy food for your baby. try to stay positive and energetic. take good sleep at night because after baby comes it will be hard to get sleep.
     
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  10. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    Already u gone through all Ilites suggestions i think. Finally i am going to warn u that as a experienced MOM, I got quarreled with DH due to some family issue during my pregnancy. It effects on my baby health that he got Eczma due to abnormal hormonal imbalance. So now i am suffering daily with sleep less nights & with lot of internal pain about kids health. It has been 3 yr to my kid, still i don't know how long i need to suffer with his eczma issue & his daily life also affected a lot due to that. No sleep..No continuous rest..leads to low eating --low weight..other asthma issues..If winter is coming i am getting panic that how to control kid from scratching himself in extent to bleeding. Finally if i maintained my emotional balance by that pregnancy time, i will be happy mom like most of others. So baby is first..every thing is next..be strong emotionally & don't expect from others ..don't do extra any thing other than that ur comfort. maintain yoga & exercise for healthy delivery & baby. concentrate on weight improvement of baby only. if u don't do any house hold & other cooking works, nothing will spoil...tell him u r not able to do due to some back pain or some thing drowsiness..he will hire maid if things stops..he cant force u to do . if things are not stopping no one will care ur feelings.
    But if u take it emotionally..it may spoil baby health. (A proved theory is there that emotions of mother will effect baby health in next years). So be cool..be cool..be cool...don't expect..don't do things..take rest..enjoy as per ur wish. you should be queen during this pregnancy time. explaining & discussion with husbands wont help. because they are helpless creatures all time
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2017
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