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How To Manage Kid Job Pregnancy With Complications

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lakshmipav, Jul 7, 2016.

  1. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    I strongly urge you to talk to your OB about things happening at home... No space for yourself to walk/ exercise or swamped with work. Because OB in the US will mentally support you and will suggest you take your husband to a counselor or just you for counseling. It will help you to build a support system. With the second child on the way you need a strong support system. Don't think that its against Indian values of sharing husband's bad quality to a stranger like OB. If you don't ask for help, nobody will know to give you the required assistance. Please talk to your OB about things at home.

    Involve your DD to help you- say things like please help mommy today by eating and not being picky.. Coz mommy has to look after baby sis/boy. Make your DD involved with your lifestyle.. coz after the second baby you cant cook 2-3 meals, you cant afford to have a picky eating daughter and husband.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2016
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  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    @blindpup10 said is great advice. OB definitely will have good counsellors contacts. U need to share with somebody and get support.

    Is it that difficult to get another bed , can u go and select one, they send it to home with a charge. How can a pregnant lady sleep on the floor?

    Atleast hire cleaning lady help for once in two or three weeks, they can help u with a charge but they will be human towards u.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2016
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  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes maid service helps big time! Especially with 3 children (2 adults behaving like children in your house)
    I went through GD with no child and MIL comparatively supporting husband who did dishes/cooked occasionally.Just GD was enough to push me beyond my emotional limit! With so many pressures in your life I don't know how you are going through this second pregnancy.. Be aware you need to keep you sanity checked too. If you aren't happy during pregnancy your postpartum may become harder (emotionally). Please talk to your parents atleast. Goodluck sweetie my heart feels for you.
     
  4. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Your husband seems to be a big stupid. Kick in the stomach? If something happens, what will he do? You should have asked him on his face, is this your baby or someone else's? I would, mind you, I am not kidding. Though I am also abused, when my patience is gone, I do retaliate. I have gotten into trouble several times OP but I argue still. Nowadays I am trying to bring the situation to control without arguing, but what you are saying is too much, you need to leave him. I understand your MIL keeping quiet, most of them are like that, they don't care how the DIL is treated. To hell with such women, I don't know how a woman can behave like this with another woman. But someday she will get back in kind. OP, you should have asked him to get a bigger size bed. How can men be such monsters? And please OP, retaliate. Don't sit and take such nonsense. Try to fight back. You should have disagreed to transfer your salary into his account the first time itself. Now you can't do much. When you go to another job tell that you cannot transfer to another account and the rules in the new company won't allow for that. Tell him you need a new account and better you get one. I feel like crying when I hear such stories OP.
     
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  5. Bubbles

    Bubbles Silver IL'ite

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    OP lots of hugs to you.. @blindpup10 has given excellent advice. Please start moving things slowly to suit you.
    OP, you are undergoing abuse, you realise that don't you ? You should get out of this situation, for your, your DD and your unborn baby's sake.
    There are several options. Thankfully you are working. So please follow @blindpup10 's advice and establish financial freedom.
    Hire cleaning services, as advised. Not for their taunts, but to help you.
    Please reach out to a women's group, you need professional counseling and lots of support. Counseling so that you can slowly but surely get out of this abuse - it is very difficult to do this on your own. Do not hesitate.
    Threats of physical violence is also considered as domestic violence and US has stringent laws against that. Your husband better beware.
    Do not allow them to treat you like this, my dear girl! You need not fight eye for an eye, but you have to train/force yourself to stand up for yourself assertively. And this is where the counseling will really help. In the meantime, we ILites are always there to cheer you and look out for you.
    Why are you afraid of his threat of divorce? Firstly, such controlling people just threaten this but will not dare to do it to you.. it is one more form of control, that's all. They will not so easily let go of someone who does all housework and fills their purse and is controlled by them. It is too much of a hassle for them. So you just need to call his bluff.
    Secondly, have you really given thought to it actually at any point? What do you feel about it?
    OP this is your wake up call. Do not succumb to this life. You have to change your life. You have to be strong and tough. For your and your children's sake. And trust me, its always the first step that's the most difficult.You have already taken that, by posting here and asking for help. Now you just need to keep moving forward..
     
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  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    op, do you have your employer providing health insurance? And do u have enough income to be on your own with kids. Please work towards it.

    Have a counselor, so that you can talk to somebody.

    I have a friend recently delivered with GD, her mom came to help in her pregnancy , her H was not supporting and they were fighting all the time, he not even going to OB visits. she had to check sugar levels and take injections. She didn't have work permit, no driver license, before she was working in IT in India . Her mom saw all and decided to take my friend with her to India, where she, new mom can be taken care. I really appreciate her mothers guts, she fights on behalf of her daughter when needed.
     
  7. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    Your pregnancy complications are way easier to handle than your husband.Let god give strength to you.

    Even if you don't know driving,you need not be dependent on husband for everything.

    You can take a taxi and go for doctor appointments,open a bank account(they need SSN and address proof).

    If opening bank account is not immediately possible,ask your husband for an additional credit card with which you can spend on your needs.You have to be strong and demanding for your needs to be met.Don't bother about your husband's threat for divorce-if he uses the D word again,say that you are ready for that.

    Get a single bed/order it online and use it.

    If possible,apply visa for your parents and bring them to US.
     
  8. Lakshmipav

    Lakshmipav Silver IL'ite

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    I don't have any support from my parents .. Recently my mother got severe health issues now bed ridden completely getting treatment from past few months .. Don't know if she recovers back as doctors said very less choices .. My father is in that trauma n both my brothers r not in terms they fright for silly things never calls me .. I have maintained my relation with them untill my mom is good .. But now they changed like no body is willing to take care of my mom they n Thier wives fight with each other living in same city my younger brother his wife even not came to see my mother when she was really ill .. So my parents can't come here not even in future .. They don't have their own home they stay with my elder brother .. I have helped them in paying half of hospital charges after figting with my husband I felt it's my duty .. But both my brothers never understand how much I need to go through for paying it .. My husband knows all my brothers figting that's why he threatens me like that he says if I ousted u from my home u don't have a place to stay even .. Yes he is right I don't have parents home r support but now I have my job i.e. Why I never think about leaving it .. My job is only saving me some times .. He rented a car said I will teach u driving I was happy but the way he teaches like no body can drive beside with him .. He starts abusing my parents bothers me very badly while am driving .. I requested many times to keep calm but he will do it purposefully .. He tells me to change lane go to exit suddenly on highways.. If I move forward keeping safety in mind he shouts like I am not fallowing his rules .. If I ask I will learn at driving school he abuses like I want to sit with men .. I tried for female drivers but no one avail on weekends on summer busy season . He complained to my Obgyn that Iam not listening to him not drinking water .. Am shocked why he said like that .. He says I have to cut eating food then Obgyn said its not easy being pregnant as u said she is already eating 1 chapathi for lunch ..she is managing .. He shut his mouth .. He dominates infront of doctors teachers out siders relatives every where .. These days am also giving back ans .. If he abuses my mother am saying same to his mother Though my intention is not like that I respect her a lot just to let him the pain .. He already saying u r raising ur voice looking at ur job I said yes .. The reason I am bearing all this is for my baby she loves her dad can't live with him he takes care of her provided all the best things to her .. She is the one whom he likes most than even his mother .. He shouted once even on his mom when she is giving bath to baby she got hurt a bit .. My baby wants her dad I don't want to seperate her from him.. I can't change him but atleast I need my value self respect n peace of mind ..
     
  9. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    OP, that is quite relatable - whatever you mentioned. About your kid having affection for her father and that is why you hesitating to rebel against your husband or the idea of leaving him. You have so many reasons to be happy, you helped your parents in that kind of situation. First pat yourself for that. You are a strong woman. But next time DH says dialogues like I will kick in you in the stomach, tell him that it is his baby and he cannot talk like that. Don't be the sacrificial goat. Give back how much ever you can or else the other person will think they are totally right in doing things. Somehow men have a lot of advantage, it is kind of surprising why bitchy men/women always get to have the upper hand. I am so sorry about your mom's situation. As if your family situation was not enough the burden of your mom's health too. Keep up your chin OP. Don't get depressed, definitely your good deeds will pay back someday. But yes you should give back if necessary, better still anticipate and prepare. Tell DH to dispose the old bed and get a new one. May God give you the strength.
     
  10. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Lakshmipav
    I understand that there is less of family support/ financial support.
    Please make new friends at work place and go meet a counselor ( just by yourself). You need real people who can relate what you are going through and if need comes to give you a hand (mentally)
    You have to stand up for yourself. Nobody can make you stand and tell your husband not to dominate over you. Not even his mother can do it for you.
    Goodluck..my heart feels for you sweetie. Hope to hear a happy update.
     

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