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How to make my parents stop worrying

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Swaras, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. Swaras

    Swaras New IL'ite

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    I'm at my wits end, haven't the slightest idea how to make my parents stop worrying endlessly about me and my marriage. I've been married for about 15 months now. There have been several issues, mainly due to my very interfering and dominating FIL and sometimes my over-dramatic MIL. And my husband hangs on their every word - I suppose you get the picture. Anyway, I never dragged my parents into any of these issues or complained nor did I say anything against my husband and in-laws to them. Unfortunately, my in-laws (who live in the same city as my parents) used to often call or meet my parents and create a lot of drama in front of them - they would tell them mostly lies about me and cry about how much I hurt them, etc, etc! So much so that it even led to some misunderstanding between me and my parents. Finally to clear the air between us, I decided about 2 months back to tell my parents few things about my in-laws' nature and the lies they easily tell - primarily just to make sure my parents didn't get over anxious everytime my in-laws created some drama in front of them. It worked for about a month. My parents didn't succumb to my in-laws' paranoia and all was well. But in the process they have started to worry terribly about me. They are quite convinced I am not happy, they worry so much it affects their mental and physical health. No matter what I say to convince them, they don't seem to get convinced. I have two younger siblings who are still in undergrad and I am worried my parents' anxiety will affect them. I think my parents also in part, feel guilty and responsible for this because mine is an arranged marriage. How do I make them feel better?

    Knowing my in-laws and husband, these issues are not going to vanish instantly. It will take a lot of time or it will probably stay on forever. Although I used to get agitated a lot initially, I've now learnt to better tackle it and not let it overwhelm me or affect my health. Although things could be a lot better, I am atleast not miserable and suffering. So how do I make my parents understand that? How do I make them more resilient? How do I make them understand that things won't always work out perfectly the way we want it to, but that we can't allow it to control us? I just want them to be stronger and enjoy their life without worrying endlessly about me. Pretending there are no issues is not going to work anymore, thanks to my in-laws. So I want my parents to get convinced that I am strong enough to handle situations and hence not worry about me. What can I do?

    People with issues in your marriage, how have your parents taken it? How has it affected them?

    Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2010
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  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Parents being parents will definitely worry about you and your happiness since they know that there are problems in your life.
    Every parent wants his DD/ DS to have a happy life. You have not mentioned spicific issues so its difficult to gauge the situation and reply.
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Whenever they get over anxious.. I tell them take it easy, am keeping you informed now in advance.... to speak back to those bunch of liars when they complain to you and not for you to worry that am sitting in NCW office & being tortured.

    I'm doing fine and will let you know when the situation is out of my control, till then JUST LISTEN and dont blow up your BP.. and it seems to have worked after a pattern of recurrance.
     
  4. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    You have already told your parents that
    • Il's are creating drama
    • Il's lie
    • You are fine and nothing to worry about.
    Still they are worrying and you are worried about its effect on your younger sibilings right. So when ever you communicate to your parents make sure to say
    • Ofcourse don't worry I am fine, I can manage
    • Next change the subject. Talk about +ves of your H. What you both did that day or planning for the weeend.
    • Talk about friends you have made in US.
    Just saying don't worry will not make them to stop worrying. Once they realize you are not bothered by your Il's actions and you both are leading a normal life it will make parents less worried.
     
  5. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Swaras,
    I agree with ARS. whenever you talk to your mom try talking about good things and times with DH. How you rae so happy. If they ask about issues just say..
    " O I don't care.. I just ignore them..you should too".

    Try sending happy pictures or up;oad them in picasa for mom to see. Try to talk to them on Skype if possible so they can see you. They are missing you too so seeing you will help them.

    Hope this helps.

    FL
     
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I have under gone the same and infact still facing it, MIL will talk nonsense to my parents and make them feel ashamed for my up bringing. Lol's I had enuf of this problem.

    But I understand u are in U.S and the maximum you inlaws can disturb u is thru phone calls, u can always leave those craps and continue with ur routine.
    Convince you parents that you are very happy here and both (u and DH) are having a good understanding and nothing to worry about them.

    Just imagine our lives where we are hearing all such craps directly 24/7.
     

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