I have been analysing my behaviour of late. It seems to me that I have a "trading" mindset, for the lack of better words. Hopefully, that is not too different from the rest of the world. Last few years I also devoted a fair amount of time towards spiritual practices. I don't know if its out of the fear of the wrath of God or it is purely on the basis of trade. I am leaning towards trade. It is not like "I pray to God five times a day hence S/He should give me a car/house" - its more on the lines of praying so that the Gods will show some mercy in my difficult times - this is pure trade. I am not praying out of devotion or love or admiration. On love, ours is an arranged marriage and after about 8 years of living together and having 2 kids I realise I cannot get myself to really love my partner. And have never been able to. My definition of love is being in the presence of someone with whom time flies - all the time and I feel uplifted and we really are one with each other. To childishly put it, like the old love songs (ex song : Arey ahista keejiye baatein, tum ko dekha toh yeh khayal aaya). I understand its not humanly possible to have this all the time - but at least most of the times. So I am unable to love partner - earlier the pretext I told myself was that I am loving God. Now I realise with both, partner and God there is always an expectation of something/trade. Partner should do her share of things and I will do mine. Lack of either drives me nuts. I have a feeling - my upbringing may have a part in this. Where I was only loved by immediate family when I could provide for their living, lifestyle and luxuries and was ignored when I didn't. I am not fully aware yet if I am simply blaming them. For a long time my mind has functioned like a pendulum - at times very uplifting and happy with the family (wife and kids) I have and other times so upset and angry with the family I have. I am unaware if this is a sign of mental illness and when discussing that I should probably get a medical opinion my partner tells me this is normal. I think she means this is normal for me. But she shouldn't have to go through this due to a lack of my grip on my mind. I am asking a few questions here : - Is it possible that some people do not feel love at all? I have definitely become stoic in the recent years mainly because of the lack of love from biological parents and sisters. - Are some people simply incapable of love? - How does one fall in love? - I do understand we all have one life and if you dont find love from your current partner - you can find another one. And keep one changing partners till you find the one you are inseparable from. Is it common that people happily live in marriages where there is no love? Isn't that just living a false life? I have discussed this with partner and am open to idea that we can find another partner who we are very much in love with - this wasn't received very well. I suspect one of the reasons is who is going to take care of kids in the meanwhile. At our cores we are still the middle class family from the old India. It will be sad to see us ending up having to live with each other for the sake of kids and just be bitter and sad in our old age. Sorry for the many questions I have had to collect my thoughts a fair bit.