How to live with a husband who thinks giving money to family is his only duty?

snoopysrini · Apr 13, 2013

Hi,

I am married for 10 years & have 2 children. Whole of my married life is only misery for me. My husband is very nice in the sense he just gives money to the family & does nothing at all. He is using the house like a hotel, comes home eats, sleeps, watch TV & spends 4 hours in Pooja. This is what is happening in all the 10 years & all 7 days a week. No change in routine , whether I am sick or children exam or guest have come. Nothing changes his schedule.

Other than honeymoon we have not gone anywhere. He is not interested in going to beach, movies, malls,outings.

He is so much into doing pooja that 4 solid hours a day in the morning (6 to 10 a.m. roughly) he spends on it & then goes to office & comes back at 10 p.m. in the night. This is his routine on all days. As he is a consultant no holidays (sundays, national holidays ) nothing.

He does not even care about the children.

Only positive thing is he does not interfere in anything I do. What I do, where I go, how I spend.

But I want a husband & a father for my children & not a ATM machine. I have told him about this but no reaction or change from his side.

I thought with time I will be able to adjust him , but even after 10 years everyday is sickening for me. I really want a good, loving, caring, understanding husband & want a good father for my children.

These days i get angry just looking at him & i am feeling like I am becoming a psycho. Help me to handle him.

Regards,
Snoopy

Radhai · Apr 13, 2013

if he acts like a paying guest, then treat him like a paying guest. he may get the message.
no tears, no yelling; sometimes actions speak louder than the 'we need to talk' sessions.

Vasuma09 · Apr 13, 2013

Already he is acting like a paying guest so it's too difficult to treat him like a paying guest..how he is behaving when he is under office pressure or when he is not feeling well , will he expects your care it teat him on his own .. If he kind of person who expects your care when he is down just stop all your care ignore him.. And behave said you are too busy with something.. Praying to god for 4 hrs is his personal thing but at the same time he has to give the same importance to family also .. Then only his prayers will answered by god .. No god or religion teaches to pray so long ignoring family and their needs..kudumbam also kovil

destinedfate · Apr 13, 2013

How old are your kids? Did you ever have them ask their dad to do something? My dad was the same way growing up, he always just worked and no interest in anything. My mom didnt care, or maybe just gave up.. she always took us out and would to everything with me and my brother. But as we got a little older we used to ask my dad instead of my mom asking him.. to go out or go on a vacation even to come to our school events. We had to ask many times but eventually he would give in.

beingloved · Apr 16, 2013

Its difficult to change his lifestyle when you're unable to do it in 10 years with him. You can try some thing which will show results gradually.

But in the meantime, why not to start taking care of yourself. Depending upon you working/ non working status, you can have some time to yourself.

a) Develop some hobbies acc to interest
b) Go out with your friends and enjoy ur time
c) Take your kids for outings even if your husband is not interested to go
d) Develop a societal circle and invite them for casual tea/ coffee and go to their places also
e) Read books

You can do so many things with your life. You've been dependent upon him for sooo many years for your & your kids happiness. Don't you think its the time to get up and add new dimensions to your life, all by yourself

And i'm sure seeing you happy, positive and enjoying your life, your husband will understand how much he's missing in life.

Who knows, he might be looking upto you to make him a part of your beautiful, content life:2thumbsup: