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how to leave fear of mil and be peaceful

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rojarani, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. rojarani

    rojarani New IL'ite

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    hi all il'frnds.

    plz all the dil's who suffered same experience and overcame it can u give some tips.


    u can see my last posts, how i suffer thru a very arrogant, miser cursive mil.
    its been 6 years i got married, i have 5 years son, after that i had 2 abortions due to mental torture my mil does to me, again now i'm 5months pregnant...
    i want to have a healthy baby....but i always think about what will my mil scold if i do this, what happens if i do thta like this........my main problem is i dont reply when she shouts at me.... she loks very scary at that moment it happened almost once in 2 days from past 6 years....
    so my heart and mind is full of fear about her....
    i will go in my 7th month to my parents house( after that i want to decide about whether coming back here or not)
    but till then 3 more months how to bear the fear , and i be healthy baby.... everybody is saying that if i have lot of stress baby will be effected...
    but whenever the day rises, i will be tensed all the time what will she say today.... but today i replied back to her in high voice, after that u know , i was very very realaxed...that i cleared that what she blamed is wrong to some point....

    plz ilitsfriends help me... should i wait till my 7th month here with tension or is it best to go in 5th itself to have a healthy baby..
    thank you..
     
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  2. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Roja

    These are my suggestions :

    1. If she shouts at you tell her you don't want to hear that tone of her and would not talk to her till she mends her way. Be polite and firm.

    2. I don't think she will physically abuse you but if she does please raise your voice and take legal help.

    3. Whats your husband's take on this??? Tell him once and for all that you will not take this torture again.

    4. Stop thinking about her all the time. Why do you want to spend your life is constant fear??? next time if you find yourself thinking about your MIL change the topic then and there.

    5. Speak up for yourself. You might feel uneasy in the beginning but after that you will gain confidence. So even if you stammer in front of her do give her your piece of mind.

    6. Fear is until you face it. Once you are face to face with the fear its will vanish. So take control of your life now. Don't let animal behavior of a certain person ruin your life.

    You have one life please live it with lots and lots of fun. You have not committed any crime to suffer such pain and humiliation. If your husband and in-laws can respect you then fine else walk out with dignity.

    Hope this helps.
     
  3. anonymous2011

    anonymous2011 Senior IL'ite

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    Hey, She knows you are scared of her that is why she is taking more advantage of you, she knows you cannot raise voice against her, that is why she is behaving like this. This is not good both for your kid and for you as well. Try to reply her next time when she shouts at you or something, Iam quiet opposite to you. I give such a reply that she will not dare to do that next time. Also I tell my husband about her, which I think is good to know our DH's about their respective MIL's. Or else they will have a chance to point you in future. See you are married , you have more right in your house to do things you like than ur MIL. So sweety be brave, nect time reply her by saying I don't like to hear one more word or yelling at me, If you are not happy with me than tell your son and do whatever you guys want to but I dont want to bear all this nonsense.

    BE BRAVE!!!!! OR ELSE YOU WILL HAVE TO SUFFER ALL YOUR LIFE!
     
  4. caligirl

    caligirl New IL'ite

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    Dear Rojarani,
    Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!
    Yu have got very good advice from shivachoubey and deepthikesiraju.

    I would like to add that yu to take yr hubby as yr confidante and tell him abt how yr MIL is negatively affecting yr precious pregnancy.
    If yu think that he'z not siding with yu, I 'd advise yu to prepond yr trip to yr parents house and relax there.

    Have a healthy and happy pregnancy.
    Good Luck!!
     
  5. Peace777

    Peace777 Senior IL'ite

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    Why are you afraid of her? Inspite of she costing you 2 abortions!!! If she yells at you again, listen, let her calm down, and use emotional blackmail ... tell her that she already has sin on her of losing 2 grand kids coz of her abusive language and does she now want to lose another one?
    Wake up girl ... you have one life ... simply walk out of the room as soon as she starts being abusive. 6yrs is a long time! Its not like you are just getting to know her!
     
  6. rojarani

    rojarani New IL'ite

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    hi

    shivachoubey...... i got great confidence by seeing ur keen elaborated points step by step ..... thank u

    deepthikesiraju, caligirl, peace777.....thanks ur precious suggestions...

    yeah i feel i should shout at her but the next minute i dont know why i get scared very much u know my husband supports a lot not every time... he watches and listens from me what all is going on, and even my mil tells infront of him what i did which will be a very very silly thing for example .. she complained my dh that see she is eating in timely without caring for us( actually my dh told me to eat in time and take care about this pregnancy, which i never ate in time as my mil is aginst it) then my dh got very very angry and shouted to his mom like anything why r u behaving like this that, why should she not eat.......what all points i wanted to ask her my dh asked as it is u know.....even then she never changes, she repeats illtreating me.... how many times can my dh reply her......

    i know i have support from my dh, but i dont know why when she shouts at me i get scared...... u know another one important thing..... i went to goddess powerful temple there. i was praying there...... 1 lady they say all astrology na..... there i stood, she started saying what all iam going thru i was really shocked she said that" ur the main reason for ur sufferings, ur very very fearful , u never reply to her that is ur problem,, when u reply loudly then only all the things get good..... and she told that" ur mil did some prayer on u , as to keep his son in her grip, and dil should be scared " " i was really shocked, inspite of asking anything she told like that .... then she gave some kumkum, and vibudhi, and told to pray god and pour some vibudhi on her bed for 3 nights as if to change my mil's attitude towards me.....its only goddess grace , not any blackmagic , this that... there all women told its nothing wrong in doing what she told, its all GOD grace on u."

    all ladies what should i do, my instincts say that even its goddesss DURGAi dont want to sprinkle that vibudhi....

    or shall i think this is GOD's grace and do it as if she said... what do u think i appreciate u all to help me and guide me in right way...
     
  7. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    pray to the goddess :) . True prayers are more powerful than anything in this world. !!! be it kumkuma or vibudhi...... Pray and rest all leave it to God....God will for sure help you :)
     
  8. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear RojaRani,

    There is no need to shout back to your MIL. In fact stop your husband if he is shouting at her. Be polite. You are just asking her to behave properly with you, so when she shouts at you talk to her nicely and tell her you would really appreciate her being nice to you.

    I really do not believe in some kind of magic, prayers to god are more powerful.

    If you want to convey your feelings then you can do so perfectly in a nice firm polite tone, no need to shout.

    Shout will result in another shout, polite words will result in polite words.
     
  9. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Rojarani,

    I too have a arrogant MIL like you. She also shouts at me like anything. And also my FIL and SILs they think they have right to shout at me. My MIL when is US she used to point out silly things for fight then my DH supported me shouted at her then again the things went bad saying that I tecahed my DH all this stuff, as if he is a small kid and he does not have brains toa nalyze teh situation. na matter what I do? I too had a miscarriage in my 6th week becoz of my FIl and MIL's abusive language in phone and mails and u know what , they blaim me for the abortion they say becoz of my negative thinking I had an abortion. They are highly impossible. Till miscarriage I was calm I used to ahve a fear against them but after miscarraige I shouted back at them answered back for 3 times whenever they shouted at me. BUt I tell you dear shouting back at them is not a solution:( coz that makes things worst. I faced it all. I would like to suggest you. No fear no aggression. just don't care about her at all. You being in India have the liberty to go to your MOm's plaec. I don't have that liberty my Monster MIL and irritatiing FIl will be coming if I am pregannat. That was the reason that I was resiting previously becoz of which I had a miscarriage :( nOw this time that B**** says that be menatally prepeared that I'll come and don't even think that your parents will come. I am telling You she is an uneducated crook. and Fil is a educated sadist. My DH is a helpless son who is not keeping any money with him sending all his money to his parents and listening to tehir scoldings and depending on them for everything. So you might have got it that how worst is my situation.
    so I am telling you dear. No fear No aggression both are not good. both makes things worse. fear is not good for you. aggression at that moment youmay feel nice but the after effects are worst. Just keep her in igmore mode and live your life. Wake up laet and eat your food on time if she says anything I would say "light tesuko" tell your DH that your baby si important prepone your trip go to your parents place enjoy your pregancyand after that get busy with your kids and Dh don't even talk to your MIL nicely . there is no point. She is only Mother of your DH burt bheave as if she means nothing to you. She dosen't have any influence in your life. Do what you want. that don't care attitude, That Cold war will affect her. eitehr she should mend her ways or let her take this attituede from her DIl let her suffer ok?? I always tell, ther is only one remedy one revenge for MILs like your and mine..... don't leva eyour DH and give her what she wants. Be here in this relaition being very close to her DS and let her cry. All the best dear!!!!:thumbsup
     
  10. anonymous2011

    anonymous2011 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Sweety,

    Looks like you are very innocent. Yes, since its a sincere prayer and related to the GOD ofcourse you can pray, and I think the lady you met has give a good suggestion and she told you the actual fact, Think that the god has sent that lady and gave vibhudi etc. That means even god is telliing you not not get afraid or scared of her, atleast think like this so you will be able to manage your MIL.

    Another good part is you have your DH support. Why don't you take it to your added advantage. Sweety cone on, now be brave , or else its not just you who will suffer, your kids too, in future if you repent that you should have tackled etc you will be helpless that's why from now just be brave, I assure you that Once try and reply back to your MIL in a way that she doesn't expect, iam sure she will not raise voice against you.

    Now still if you cannot act smart than no one can help you. Just remember that now if you don't act smart than you will have to suffer whole life by your MIL. now its up to you what step you want to take it from now.
     

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