how to improve understanding and promote healthy relationship.

Sorry long post venting out. Plz be patient
Hi all,
This is my first post in "Married Life" section.
Background: Married for more than two years in a arranged marriage. After marriage moved overseas to live with my husband. I left my job after marriage waiting for visa which took a year and after moving overseas i have do make a career change due to less demand of electronics engineers in my current country. I am studying and working 2 days a week. My husband is working in a full time steady job 9Am to 5PM. we both work on Saturdays.

My problem: My husband is self occupied person and he fails to understands my needs or expectations from him as a husband. We have different level of thinking in life whenever I try to address an issue with him it always ends with him giving lectures to me. He loves to lecture me if I try to be logical and say things then it hurts his ego. He can never be wrong. Following are the steps he take whenever I address any issue to him
Step1- Listen to me.
Step2- Make me feel that how i make big issues out of small things and belittles me. He pity my thinking and tells me you have very low level of thinking. Every problem originates from how a person thinks. when i try to be logical and explain him things on face value then he fails to understand and tells me not to expect in life always try to be happy in what to have. expectations kill a relationship. the above move of him kills my confidence and leaves me questioning me about myself.
STEP3- When he sees I am sinking then he lectures me.
I have tried several times to handle situations in different ways but he is really a good speaker and knows how to manipulate things.

Recent scenario: I am feeling very lonely from past many months bcoz DH dont give enough time to me nor he gives importance to my liking's in any way. I tried to tackle things in my ways without addressing issue by keeping myself busy with my hobbies, reading books, going shopping. If he don't values my liking then I try to do things I like by myself But he was getting on my nerves every now and then due to several reasons which i have explained below and last night I attempted to talk to him and got lectures in turn.
Reasons:
1 When he comes back from office he will be busy with facebook, Youtube, Chatting with friends. When i tries to talk to him he replies with hmmm hmmm and hmmmm. when i see he is not paying attention then i leave him alone with his friends and phone and make myself busy with some task.

2 After marriage we didn't went for honeymoon, he told me when u come overseas we will go to holiday trips there. I was ok with it but the reality is when i came here there is not even a single time when we went outside alone without his bunch of unmarried friends. I was pretty patient with it initially but it is getting on my nerves now. I have told him several times that I don't like to visit places where he and his friends want to visit i am a person with different interests i love to do adventurous things and love sight seeing, tracking, exploring different places whereas all of them are limited to restaurents or BBQ's where they can have beers and make fun of each other. I feel left alone all the time, i dont want to isolate him from his friends all i am asking is if i accompany him to his choice of places, If i can go to watch action movies with him, if can listen to the music which he likes, If i happily takes all the crap without making any faces just boz my husband likes it why he failed in doing his part? ladies there is not even a single time in these one and a half year when we have done anything of my interest even a petty thing like listening music.

3 Whenever there is a holiday i expect from him to spend quality time with me but he prefers to either sleep, lying in bed for whole day or go out with his friends with me or without me. Its all about him all the time its never me. He is a really lazy person. when i question him he says i do all my duties very well u tell me which task i didnt do. When i ask him lets go for a movie or xyz place then he says i am tired working for whole week let me take rest which i understand but he gets to my nerves when suddenly after 10min he recieves a call from his friends and i see him jumping out of bed and telling me to leave what i am doing and get ready lets go to BBQ or xyz restaurant where all of them will have beers and make fun of each other. Ladies dont take me wrong here I dont sit there with long face i participate in there talks and gel very well with his circle but this not what i want to do all the time.

4 He never talks anything romantic to me or show any kind of care for me. When I told him this he replied me that he is not a kind of person who shows care or talk sweet; he shows his care by fulfilling all his duties and farz when i asked him what he thinks what are his duties towards me? to which he dont have any answers he directed discussion in different way saying yea yea i am bad husband, u think i dont fulfill my duties, i dont care for you. If this is what u want to think then this is ur problem. lolz!!!

5 He don't support me financially: he never spends on me, i am supporting myself with my part time job. when i came here i had no job for six months then he called me useless and told me to write fail on my face bcoz i was not capable of finding any job. I still remember his harsh words. When i fought with him he defended himself by saying he said so bcoz i was feeling very depressed for not finding job he just wanted to pinch my ego so that i do something to find the job.

6 He hardy initiates conversation its always me talking to him.

Now Outcome of last night discussion on above problems:
1 I expect too much from life, If i expect too much i will get hurt.
2 he is tired from work, so he wants time for himself so he is unable to give time to me. I am pretty much ok with it. All i am asking is to value my opinion and needs some times. but this statement fall on deaf ears.
3 All my needs are very materialistic, I should concentrate on pooja and stuff which will nullify all the above needs. These materialistic things are not important in life i need to change my thinking and raise it to his level. I need a intellectual move, even if he provides me with above i will come back with new materialistic demands, Its never ending.
4 We are not financially sound first I need to find full time job so that we are able to spend money on trips. Point to be noted here; he dont support me financially and i am happy to finance movie tickets and local trips which hurts his male ego. he spends on himself and spend on restaurant bills which most of the times is over $200 which can be used easily in any local trip or us going for tracking cost us less than $100. Lolz!!!. He spends on his mother and sisters overseas. Buying them gifts, gold and helping them buying properties. We dont have any loan or EMI. I hate him.:rant
5 I short he told me to adjust which i cant i am looking for a healthy relationship. I am slowly growing emotionally apart from him and already lost interest in sex life. :drowning. I am not a attention seeker i myself like to have a ME TIME and give space to other people but at the same time i dont want a relationship with my husband like a roommate with benefits where no emotions, care, love, interest is absent. If i have to support myself financially, emotionally and pacify my loneliness by myself the why i got married i would rather choose to stay single.
Is there any solution?

 

Thank you ladies for your time and attention.
I had a one to one talk with my husband, after talking to him I realized that he have a self confined nature because he left home at the age of 21 and living overseas by himself for these years. So he have a habbit to spend time with himself. He behaves same with his family too. I have decided not to expect anything from him from now on, If i expect then its gonna hurt me. As far as his friends are concerned I thinks when they get married this problem will be solved automatically. So i am not in a worrying mode anymore. After discussing this problem with him he is also trying to give attention to me. We went to bowling club this weekend.
Thank you ladies for listening to me it means alot.