How to Impress my Mother In Law.

Hi Shilpa Priya,

If you are new to IL. First my hearty welcome to you

How to Impress my Mother in Law? This is a billion dollar question baby! Married for 9yrs, my answer to this question would be is to understand her first instead of expecting her to understand you. Most married ladies at the early phase of marriage does/ do all things to please or impress in-laws as a result some may even loose their real identity & face disappointments in married life ! So first, be yourself, observe her & understand her...this will help you to judge her character better. Secondly, communicate well. Most household problem arouse mainly due to mis-communication. Talk to her freely & make her to participate in all the activities, avoid neglecting her. She too is a human, so definitely she will be having her strength & weakness..so, do accordingly. And finely, Yes, the insecurity feeling is very common among them...to make her to feel secure... make sure your husband spend some reasonable time with her. And we can rarely find people who hate praises...acknowledge her deed …it is the key for a good relationship.
In my opinion, dealing with in-laws is an experiment! Each day, the experiment will have different results. So, do experiment with Love definitely, you will have better yield!

All the best!

 

Hi Shilpa,

Anu has already given you very good pointers.

Couple of things more, which i have found helpful:

- whatever you do do it with your heart and soul
- do everything with a positive attitude and a smile on your face...if you are supposed to take care of some job at home do it with a smile instead of thinking why i should be doing it...this way you will find it less taxing.
- never compare between your mother and MIL.
- if you want to make your marriage work learn to adjust and accept the new surroundings.
- never make a hasty decision...learn to guage things from the others point of view too.

Last but not the least...relationship management and time management are 2 important factors.

Remember the first impression is the best impression. But don't go overboard on this...be your natural self and act maturely.

All the Best.

 

The question is why would any one want to impress her mother in law ? shouldnt it be the other way for once the mother in law should try to impress the bride?, there is no reason to give so much importance to the mother of the husband , has the husband ever ask this question as to how should I impress my mother in law (the brides mother), all realtionships are equal and should be treated with equal respect, and both set of inlaws (wifes and husbands) should get equal respect.

 

Hi Prachala,

I agree with your views 100%.. But, the reality is vastly different and after reading thro' tons of issues faced by our ILites in this firum alone, do u still think that our views are possible??? .. If u still think about the eqality, then u live in the utopian world.

For OP, Impressing MIL cannot happen over night. As long as you are honest, reasonably considerate, not overly possessive towards your hubby, friendly towards your MIL , probably your MIl will chase her insecurity away pretty soon.

Just behave in a decent, honest, loving, considerate manner towards every one in your inlaws family, you will automatically gain their love and support and you will definitely impress them them as well, provided they are reasonable peopleHarhar

Good Luck on your effort,
GPriya

 

Hi GPRIYA

Thanks for ur moral support , I agree with u and what I posted was more in a thinking and phlilosphical way rather ,than as u pointed out reality. But I think It should be started and could be started from a grass root level. Instead of telling young tiny girls that thier main aim in life is to please mother in law and husband , one should concentrate more on buliding the character, inner strength and self cofidence of the girls and I think it could be done. It starts with the parents and especially with the mothers. I would do the same if I had a daughter.

I am not saying dont respect elders, that is not our culture, but treat them normally, give respect n earn respect and at the same time keep ur distance which goes a long way in maintaining healthy realtionships.(dont give unnecessay adivce and opnions , they lead to arguments and dont interfere in others private life beccause I am sure if its reciprocated it may not be liked.)

I am married for the last 11years and I can proudly say that I atleast practice what I preach. But in the end its each to his own, one should have what I would term as a working healthy and hopefully affectionate realationship.

 

Hi Prachala,

Once again, I agree with u 100%.

Well.. building self confidence and character (for girls) certainly helps. But in my humble opinion, it is men who needs to be properly groomed to speakup where necesssary and to be fair minded as well. All men (read as most men) are selfish and cowardly which results in women bending over backwards to help the situation and to keep people around them happy in a marriage.

Your opinion of changing the thinking at the grass root level, happens these days in many families., but without the cooperation of the partner,nothing can be implemented /achieved. There are times in my life, I found my Husband being unfair towards his own folks, which prompted me to point out (me being a sensible, fair minded girl always:crazy), but my opinion was neither analysed/accepted nor appreciated. Nowadays, I found girls are smarter than men in everything, still the slavery system in marriage is not eradicated, mainly due to the lack of support from the spouse.

I guess, irrespective of the hugh and cry from our forum ladies about various issues (like money/saving/unfair practices of inlaws/schemeing inlaws/too much gifts for inlaws when there is absolutly no need etc.) , nothing is going to change..except that sharing such misery is a relief mentally, emotionally for our ladies.

Ultimately, it is the TIME that has mystical powers to change the attitudes of the people. In reality, the way India is, it may take several hundred years for the things to change. I am still optimistic about it, but I may not live long enough to witness the change in this lifetime.

Regards,
GPriya

 

hi ladies! i'm the new anterent for the field of frustated poor relationship managers.............
i'm continously trying to make my mot.in.law to make her feel secure and happy......but :drowning everytime
i'm losing my identity and doing household cores all day long but anyhow she'll get some point to get dissapointed and she'll stop talking to my daughter and me .she'll show her sadness and she'll ask my hubby to get her tickets booked for hometown where she stays alone..............for what she got angry i never knew only my younger brother in law's wife tells me that mum was saying this and that to yuo that day....though she does all this to make me feel sad only............so here we get the another mismanaged relation .........now comes the third that's with my hubby who blindfoldly supports mum.... he spends all the time with her or near her only so that she can feel secure and happy..........and if he ever gets her unhappy he shouts at me that that i have to anyhow keep her happy .........problem is how can i when i don't even know the issues..........i'm married for last 5 yrs and hencee it's a love marriage i know them for for last 12 yrs.................. most imp thing that i love my MIL and want to keep her happy always.........she dislikes disscussing any thing and starts feeling offended everytime i try to speak with her about any issues.............help me ............