How To Imagine Positive Interaction With People

When I am in kitchen facing stove or facing sink, I get angry thoughts.

I am imagining angry interaction with different people.

This happened before my abisive marriage and after my abusive marriage.

For some reason I imagine angry interaction with people who most probably like and respect me.

Somehow I never imagined abgry interaction with my ex nor his family (I didn't interact with his family or friends in real life, only him).

And I imagine angry interaction with people at Indian parties ... I barely been to any, maybe once for an hour when an old Indian lady asked me for tea, thinking i am stupid girl from India (this was more than 15 years ago).

I am doing vissapanna meditation Morning and night 15 minutes to help steady my mind.

Reading horror stories about MIL (I only had abusive mother and I don't imagine angry interaction with her) and males complaining about their innocent, human wives on IL makes my blood boil.


Just wish I can imagine happy interaction with people.

Today I went to offsite meeting and I didn't know how to talk to people. on,y one lady who used to work with us saw me and she gave me hug.

A coworker of mine came late to offsite so I saved food for him (honestly I was nervous about doing this because what if he decided to change his mind). So I texted if he is coming and he said yes and requested I save hi food. I finally did go back to food spread and save plate for him. It was more simple than I thought (I get shy in new situations with strangers).

Honestly I'm 37 and I feel like a child sometimes. I wish I had some of that innocence back, perhaps I'd be more smiling (from heart).