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How To Identify 'mean' Person Or Camaflouged Person

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Dec 14, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Today I said a NO big fat straight NO to someone for similar request.
    This person would call only when she needs something, information. Though the person asked why , I said I got things.
    I think I'm learning:hearteyes::innocent:
     
    Roar, Amica, Mehana and 1 other person like this.
  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Vedhavalli,
    Little late reply but... even if you are coordinator you can tell the parents to leave a message and you will get back to them. As coordinator it is your choice to set the terms - some specify email only, others whatsapp only. Many times they specify no calls please and people are fine with it! A lot of parents work or have meetings or cannot attend the call for some other reasons right? If you take a firm decision not to attend calls during the day and stick to it, or insist text only I cannot take calls, people will soon get the message that you are busy at certain times of the day and adjust accordingly. Personally I insist on text only because I cannot attend phone calls while driving etc and they are a distraction.
    Dont worry yourself about her and her motives, her nature etc. People do all kinds of things for their own reasons and those can be all kinds of reasons. You set your limits and that's it.
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  3. ikigaiaspirant

    ikigaiaspirant New IL'ite

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    Hi All!
    I was thinking of making a post on being " streetwise" and I stumbled upon this thread. I am very happy as some of the posts here talk to me directly. :)

    Vedhavalli, all of us are learning and will be taken advantage of at some point or the other. I was (and often am) an easy target in most situations if I give anyone a free hand. Over the years, I have learnt a few things that I will share with you-
    1) Have no (or at least minimal amount of) expectations in terms of gratitude from the receiver of your kindness. Either because many people fail to appreciate your act or because their expression and/or style and time of expressing it differs from what we were expecting in the first place.

    2) Have a close knit circle of reliable friends and bank on each other for any assistance. Think well- even if this acquaintance had accepted to babysit your child at any point of time, would you have really been at ease leaving your child in her care? Do you really really trust this person that much? If your answer is yes, then go ahead, forgive her and forge a stronger bond with her. If no then leave her at that and move ahead.

    3) Don't not overthink, over-analyse and let yourself boil in the resentment. Let it go. It was a life lesson for you and an addition to your good karma. Just let it go and make peace with it as soon as you can so as not to trade your peace of mind with something as minuscule as this.

    Good luck with your acquaintances in future! May you be blessed with a bunch of real friends! :)
     
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  4. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I work from home 2 days a week and some mums know that. Its always ' I am stuck in traffic please can you have him/her until 8pm?'... I did it 1 time to 2 friends and then I came to know that they took those extra hours for overtime payment. Thats that.

    I can help and can go an extra mile if the mum is sick or something but accepting work for extra money and lying for free child care is beyoned cheap. I also had to 'pass the news' over to other housewives mums who are approached by these people very often as the housewives were also not very happy about everyday ( or every other day )help.

    OP, say no. They know what they are doing and will just find a new victim; they wont feel bad... you are not that important to them anyways after you deny help, so they wont waste time thinking about you.
    Gosh some people!
     
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  5. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    This ones guile .. that you know. Check her box.
     
  6. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I love the way of thinking, we get so much satisfaction helping others in need. Its the best act one can do.

    But some people are in greed rather than need.. I think positivity with hint of rationalising is imp when we have to be a part of this calculated world.
     
  7. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    Life is full of experiences and we keep on learning. There is no end to such learnings.

    Coming to opportunistic people, we learn only through such experiences and next time we will learn to be careful with anyone requesting same. Identifying mean people will be only with time and incidents. Have got such experiences with relatives and friends. Once we know who they are I simply disengage with them and distance myself.
     
    Vedhavalli and Mehana like this.
  8. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes learning with experience.
     
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  9. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    It's really hard sometimes to find the 'mean' person. From my personal experience I misjudged this lady (I already vented in indusladies forum). I havent met such a selfish, cunning and smart lady in my life. Because of these stupid arrogant people it's scares me if I meet any new friend how should I move with them.. but again learning from our experience:)
     
    Agathinai likes this.

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