How to help my brother here.

not so obvious as to why.

 

Sorry to be rude, there is no rule you should support your brother even if he is not correct given that your SIL is closed to you. She must be expecting your support . I can see your brother's fault from beginning. Did he mention his wife about kid plan immediately after marriage and not letting SIL to do job. He must have cooperated earlier. Now since those days are passed, I'll suggest you to advise your brother to help your SIL to gain her confidence back. She needs a moral support from him. From beginning I can see you SIL was career oriented but couldn't pursue because of husband, so he needs to realize and help. It can be in any way like help her to get trained in her profession or offer help with baby so that she can concentrate on studies etc.

There is nothing wrong in supporting SIL if she is right and help her. It will help to nourish your relationship with her for long turn

PS - I am saying this based on my experience with my SIL.I do support her against my brother and I am the first person to whom she reach if she needs any support and my brother doesn't.

 

I don't really see where your brother is a "good husband". It looks like he has gotten his way until now, all through their relationship, even if he had to put up with some protesting from his wife.

I don't see why your brother is losing his piece of mind, all said and done, it does seem like he is responsible for her state now. If it is anyone that needs advice, it is your brother. Stop asking him to expect your SIL to dance to his tunes. She is not a puppet, she works when he wants her to work, she had a kid when he wants her to have a kid and she sits at home when he wants her to sit at home. Your brother seems to be a control freak!! If I were you, I would let my brother know that.

 

Your SIL's career aspirations were always overruled and your brother never supported her in that aspect (your words).
How does that make your brother a good husband ?

There is no rule which says you must support your brother no matter what he does. He seems to have had things his way so far. Be fair and help your sister-in-law get her career back on track. That is more important than preserving your brother's peace of mind.

 

Your brother is ready to give his life to their kid but how about his wife and her aspirations?
I dont understand why you should support your brother. It appears like he wasn't giving priority to his wife's career right from the beginning and channeled their married life according to his needs and convenience. Now, he is complaing that she is not capable. Obviously anybody would lose confidence after going through such changes.
There are two options for your
1. Tell your SIL and brother to get some care for their child so that your SIL can learn some new skill to gain confidence. Ask your brother to encourage her more than nagging her about interviews. SIL can start some parttime, volunteer work to gain some experience.

or

2. Just be a sounding board to their vents....so that you dont extend and unwanted advises that you would regret later

 

Why do you feel that? Nothing in your post supports your statement.

 

Oh wow ... first a kid when your brother wanted it, now he wants a working wife, so it's her fault if his wife cannot clear interviews due to her being out of touch.
If he is trying to find jobs for relatives, why not do the same for his wife whose career he was instrumental in derailing ?? Your brother ought to realize that his wife is not a puppet.
Your SIL has every right to be angry. She gave up jobs for your brother and now is being blamed for not being able to secure one !! That's shameful !!:thumbsdown

 

So he treated her like a baby-making machine first and now that that job is done, he wants her to clear interviews and get independent. Your brother's love of kids is absolutely no justification for his expectations of his wife.

Tell him that you SIL will clear interviews when/if/how she wants. If she doesn't want her raking up the past, ask him to stop berating for not clearing interviews. I have been working for the past 7+ years, my husband has been working for the past 13+ years, and we do not clear every interview that we attend. Your brother loves kids, yes... ask him to love his wife also a little, for what she was and not what he expects her to be!