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How To Help Child Come Out Fear Of Monsters?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Benadryl, Feb 1, 2021.

  1. Benadryl

    Benadryl Silver IL'ite

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    My (nearly) 4 year old has a fear of the dark and of monsters. It is so real to her that she will very fearfully say "dont look at the other side of the bed dad, there is a monster with gibbly gobly eyes" and cuddle me tightly (she has always slept with either mum or dad and never alone). The other day a pedestal fan with red digital numbers glowing in the dark scared her :persevere: Never rubbishing or ridiculing such fears, I have tried to explain to her monsters are pretend and do not exist. I also offer to turn on the lights before sleeping - but the fear is too real. I have also put in dimly lit sensor lights in the room so if she hops of the bed there is some brightness - but that hasn't helped. She won't go into a dark room to get anything. "You shouldn't send me to dark rooms daddy, I am too scared". We have heavily curtailed any discussion, cartoons or TV shows where a monster is shown - even with a funny tone - as she seems to give a fearful side to them. I try to tell her bed time stories where the hero(ine) of the story punches and kicks the monsters who then run for their lives - but its having the opposite effect :fearful::fearscream:

    How do I help the child overcome the fear of dark and of monsters? Any advice please?

    The elder brother(now nearly 6) also has had fears of the dark, and ironically, when he was 4 the 2 year old daughter used to accompany him to the (semi dark)room so as to support him as he too feared the dark. He has come out of it with very little effort from our side - just a few stories of bravery and explaining the difference between pretend and real life did the trick for him.
     
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  2. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    On my 30s I have fear of dark. Unless I'm assured there's someone sleeping next to me I cannot sleep in dark. When there have! been situation where I have to sleep alone in my home I have never slept in complete darkness. The brightest light in the bedroom will be on. I don't think I can ever get over this fear. It'll remain with me forever . This is my experience.
    Even as a kid I always wanted my elder sibling to accompany me to the loo in the middle of the night because of this fear.

    She's only 4, give her sometime. She'll come out of that fear.
    Sorry no advice but just sharing my experience
     
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  3. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Its quite normal with kids. Since she is just 4 years, you can give her sometime. My son, ofcourse aged 9 sometimes does get fearful to peep into dark rooms and stuff. Instead of telling him that there’s nothing and there’s no reason why he has to be fearful, I give him the tasks like switching off all the lights of the house before we sleep and deliberately send him to pick something after we resume to beds and all the lights are off. I insist he goes. When he goes and comes back, I just point out saying “Didn’t you notice, fear isn’t real. It was just your imagination” and leave it at that.

    Ofcourse, my child is little elder, but the point is, instead of telling put them on spot and allow them to understand and make them realise that what they imagined never existed. And that reality is different from imagination. Devise some games of that sort to help her learn by experience instead of just the theory.

    Also, ask her what might help her feel less scared of the dark. Trigger her mind in the direction of how she can cope with the fear. Like how she thinks she can solve her problem. Ofcourse, except the already happening stuff like parents sleeping along with her and such.

    Be understanding, which you already are I assume from your post, and let her come out of it in her own pace. Stop all the ghost stories, although you narrate it from the hero’s perspective, you never know how she is perceiving it.
     
  4. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    Some things that can help:
    1. Try spending more time during the day in the room where she sleeps or where you prefer her to sleep alone some day.
    2. Let her play in the spots which she seems fearful of in the room
    3. Make her keep dolls or toys, preferably those that doesn’t light up or make noise, in such spots in the room and before sleep time, let her go around wishing goodnight to those dolls. This is to kind of establish that those are the dolls’ sleeping spots
    Kids have vivid imagination and her fear may be tangibly real for her. Poor kiddo. See if you can string fairy lights or night lamp. Some people never prefer dark throughout life and it’s ok too. See if you can create positive associations with night and dark such as moon, stars, bakers making bread, newspapers, etc.
     
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  5. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    4 & 6 are way too young to NOT be scared of dark! They are not going to overcome the fear of dark in a hurry. They will not man up in a hurry.

    Relax! Take a backseat. Listen to them. Dont send them to dark rooms. Send with a torch. Or go with them. Ask what would help them not feel scared.

    Leave a path for them to come to your room in the night.
    Most kids would rush to and sleep with the parents (or grandparents) sometime through the night. At least till they're 10, they will have such fears on and off.
    So, leave the room unlocked. Put enough lighting - maybe sensor lighting.
    Tell them that you can sleep with parents anytime and we wont judge you. It is going to be for a few days only.

    You may know any favourite mantras like "Bhoot pisach nikat nahi aave - mahavir jab naam sunave"!

    You can teach some chant or some random song to her, and tell her that even if there are any monsters in some stories, they will run away because the chant/random song scares all kinds of monsters !
     
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