How to handle this PIL politics diplomatically?

OP, why you are having so many expectations from an Mil like her. She already proved her cheap mentality by keeping not enough food, putting you down with rude sarcastic comments etc. You have a wonderful gift, your husband and do u really need some gold for your precious kid from someone who hurt u? Keep your expectations low from this kind of people and let them also know through your actions that they are also having no point in any expectations from you. Always be respectful and polite to them, but don't try to please them. If you don't want to go to India twice with a small baby, dont go. Go to the function u really want to attend be it the bil's marriage or pil's anniversary.Convey it to husband clearly. Why you are trying to change their celebration date? Let them celebrate whenever they want. After all it is their anniversary!!

Then coming to sarcastic and rude comments, I also heard many mils complains about their dils looks and complexion to others. Really cheap of them. I will suggest u one thing. If she is constantly doing this to you, do one thing. If she is saying all her sons are fair and handsome, you give her a sweet smile and tell her" yes ma, indeed all your sons are handsome and smart only. All my friends who attended your marriage were saying this and they were telling that they are definitely like your fil and they may have acquired their looks and intelligence from fil only. And give a sweet smile to fil.). Do this only when everybody is present, otherwise she can twist your words and use it against you.

Happy pregnancy days and safe delivery.

 

Hi OP,


I think it is best to ignore your ILs. You have a wonderful husband who understands you very well. Since you are not at all staying with them , you can easily ignore these problems. Dont take this to your heart.
In the initial stages of marriage I too faced similar kind of situations, I used to get so angry . But later at some point of time I just started ignoring whatever they do or tell.
You are now pregnant , which is a happy phase in your life . Dont waste time thinking about your inlaws. I know that it will be very hurting to know that they are not ready to put atleast a ring for your kid.
But these thoughts will harm you and your baby. Who knows they may even put some gold to your baby in future as well.


Any thing can happen in our life. Better not to expect anything .


Regarding to your travel to India, As your husband said it may or may not take some more time for your BILs marriage . So they cannot club these two functions together. After your baby is born your husband will also think about travelling to India often is not so easy. So things may change that time.


I have seen people changing with time and situations. So please not worry about these things.


Talk to your baby in the womb daily and have good time with him/her. Dont worry , things will be alright soon.


Cheers
Preethi

 

But I call you Rihana Madamji......:bowdown
I will be your humble assistant.friendssmiley

 

Congrats on your pregnancy OP..

1.Regarding the skin color, I used to have the same issue, I am brown and beautiful and my H is cream and handsome . Initially before marriage my mil was like she is dark for my son. I was hurt just like you. But after my wedding and the day I left to US, she came to me personally and told me everyone said we made a beautiful couple. Everytime we went to see relatives or her friends, as soon as we came home she will do dhristi sutthi podarathu...the same lady who once said I look ugly is saying i look beautiful...These things change...so don't let it bother you

2. Join in. Yes amma, I agree. He is an amazing guy. Don't compete..just join the wagon. She is saying these things because she wants you to know they are awesome. Agree to it and celebrate their awesomeness

3. Passive aggressive behavior. Best if ignored.

4. If you are going to bed hungry, this is completely unacceptable. Make more rice and order your own food. When you go out, are you guys ordering like 2 or 3 entrees and splitting it? if yes, then simply order more. Nothing wrong in saying, I am still hungry and need more food.

5. why are you so bothered about this? if you guys are financially not settled, then y r you having a baby, wouldn't that burden you both more? What I am saying is rude right?...same way what you are saying is rude as well. 1k is nothing in a long run. it shouldn't be bothering you..but it is..you have to correct this thought according to me.

dear god..the last part. gifts are nice but are not mandatory. they have clearly communicated they are not in a financial situation to put any gold. let them be. Dowry is part of the custom. Did you give them any dowry? we cannot justify putting unnecessary financial pressure on ppl just because it is a custom. The baby is not yet here and you are already talking about them mistreating your baby...OP, take a moment and think, what is your inner conscious telling you about this?

Regarding travel, they don't even have a girl picked out yet. Picking a wedding date is not that simple..you just cannot expect them to plan everything per your schedule. The potential bride may also have siblings living abroad, all this has to be considered to pick a date. so..god knows when. there is already a planned event in september and your baby will be old enough to fly. do as per doctors advise.

to sum it up..you are really not considering your IL's to be part of your family. Like any relationship it is work. according to me your il's have not done anything yet for you to start burning the bridges. handle them calmly and carefully.

 

Dear OP
You can give excuse saying doctor suggested not to travel. Anything u want to do say that doctor told to do so...

 

Thanks @Justanothetwife.. Very true bout following the gurus in Ekalavya style.. Frequent visit to IL motivates a lot and I derive great positive energy from here :thankyou2:

 

Congrats OP.. The best part is you will have your LO with you soon. Nothing can be as joyous as this.. Forget your MIL and live your life.. You have a wonderful husband and do not lose that at any cost. Make sure you both have a good bond and he will always be to support you. ILs are created to create problems. How would we otherwise value what good we have ;-)