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How to do a thorough background check?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Unhappylady, Jul 4, 2012.

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  1. Jul 4, 2012 #1
    Unhappylady

    Unhappylady New IL'ite

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    While getting proposals from men both unmarried & divorced.. How can we check their background? Apart from knowing what the family does, talking to them & also knowing the guy's profession & interests.. Will it be possible to know if they are abusive or not, if they are prone to infidelity & if they cheat in any other way?
     
    Unhappylady, Jul 4, 2012
    Unhappylady, Jul 4, 2012
    #1
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  2. Jul 4, 2012 #2
    ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    A person genuinely interested in you will try to know more about you by talking to you .. He would be well communicative ..Infedelity/Abusiveness cannot be found before.. Better to maintain distance so that the abusiveness will not come out.. I am in same boat but not getting any good matches..I have the same fears as yours.
     
    ivlakshmi, Jul 4, 2012
    ivlakshmi, Jul 4, 2012
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  3. Jul 5, 2012 #3
    chandannasta

    chandannasta Silver IL'ite

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    Dont worry you both. There wont be a single guy on this earth who wont abuse or flirt. Itna satyavadi harishchandra ki aulad abhi tak koi paida nahi hua hai. (Not even Harischandra's sons would be so honest).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2012
    chandannasta, Jul 5, 2012
    chandannasta, Jul 5, 2012
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  4. Jul 5, 2012 #4
    Unhappylady

    Unhappylady New IL'ite

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    LOL..!! this is so true.. This is the reason I like IL coz of the support/advice women get here even though its the virtual world.. Everytime there is an article about marriage & divorce on TOI or any other newspaper there are atleast 200 comments mostly from men who go on & on about how horrible divorced women are, how they should not be allowed to get married again or how women should not get any rights.. All of them are MCP's(male chauvinistic pigs) who's ego has been hurt coz women nowadays are more educated & have more power..

    regarding your question its hard to know every detail about a person's nature & their past unless you have common colleagues/friends who can tell you about the guy..
     
    Unhappylady, Jul 5, 2012
    Unhappylady, Jul 5, 2012
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  5. Jul 5, 2012 #5
    Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,

    some ways of doing the spy work is...

    send a relative/friend to his home town and talk to neighbours, shop guys ,if they know this family and what they think about then etc.....

    find some person who works in his company, ask ur friends or relatives to talk to people in his company about him.

    use social networking sites, Browse his facebook profile, orkut profile,linkedin...etc..... check his friends list to see if people seem ok or not....

    these are some tips :) hope it helps
     
    Rise, Jul 5, 2012
    Rise, Jul 5, 2012
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  6. Jul 5, 2012 #6
    kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    dear Shilpa,

    I dont agree that all men are either abusive or flirtatious. Or maybe I am just lucky not to have them in my family !!

    As regards your question of how to find if a person is abusive or will cheat - i am afraid there is no easy way of finding that one out ! It is how well you know the person and your assessment of his character/behaviour that will guide you. There are no hard and fast rules here - infidelity can happen even after 10 years of a strong n happy marriage. I believe, marriage is a calculated risk and it is not what you bring to it but what you make of it.

    Hope you find your Mr. Right soon !!

    love,
    kylie
     
    kylie, Jul 5, 2012
    kylie, Jul 5, 2012
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  7. Jul 5, 2012 #7
    sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    In the US there are some websites that consolidate all public info into a report, for prices ranging from $19.95 to $50 or more. Google it.
    "Background reports include, when available, a criminal check, lawsuits, judgments, liens, bankruptcies, property ownership, address history, phone numbers, relatives & associates, neighbors, marriage/divorce records and more."
    Character is a different matter of course.
     
    sokanasanah, Jul 5, 2012
    sokanasanah, Jul 5, 2012
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  8. Jul 5, 2012 #8
    Unhappylady

    Unhappylady New IL'ite

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    This is interesting but I wonder if in case of divorce we get to know the actual reason..
     
    Unhappylady, Jul 5, 2012
    Unhappylady, Jul 5, 2012
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  9. Jul 5, 2012 #9
    sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe and maybe not. If there was abuse, but they agreed to a 'mutual consent' or 'irreconcilable differences' filing to get it all over with, then you will only see what is formally filed in the public court records. Still, worth a look I guess, if you are really concerned - just one more source of information.
     
    sokanasanah, Jul 5, 2012
    sokanasanah, Jul 5, 2012
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  10. Jul 9, 2012 #10
    wizzie

    wizzie Silver IL'ite

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    How can you find whether person is abusive or is prone to infidelity by doing background checks?
     
    wizzie, Jul 9, 2012
    wizzie, Jul 9, 2012
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