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How To Deal With This Situation ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mangaii, Apr 7, 2021.

  1. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    Whenever money is involved relationships gets sour, your DH should have not created an opportunity to get access to your money and you handed over your jewelry to your SIL and you created another opportunity, I hope you get back your jewelry, get a locker and leave it in the locker.
     
    mangaii likes this.
  2. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    Why do you create such expectations ? Do you have lot of discretionary income ? If you do then its fine but if you don't then you should think about building your kids future and your retirement.
     
    mangaii likes this.
  3. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    No I don't in fact we went through major financial crisis when my husband was without job for several months. The inference I made that she doesn't need is now after I did my much needed research but not before. During those times I truly believed she needed help. But now when I look back I see so many situations which would say otherwise. She is very well aware of our issues. I think she used every opportunity to get maximum money out of the situation. This isn't something I contemplated would happen. I have 2 lockers in India. Last time it was a very critical trip but I could have avoided it. My mind keep circling back in these situations and gets lost. I have lost my sanity completely .

    I have always valued people more than money and this is perfect lesson for my life. I'm really not good at money since I grew up in middle class with lots of help from relatives. While I save aggressively I spend on other people with same way. When someone says some problem the child inside me projects myself in that situation and i start feeling pity and start giving money. I always see my childhood poverty with everyone's issue . This I realized recently on why I try to fix everything with money. I feel extremely happy giving money to other people while I think million times before spending money on myself. I for one didn't go to India since I didn't want to spend money on India trip for last few years . It is alarming how much I have put myself in back burner in all the situations . I have recently made many changes in my financial situations and money I spend on myself . I'm slowly and steadily improving and trying to focus on me. It took me lot of time to figure out this loophole inside me. Work in progress
     
  4. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    I am remined of this Rajini dialog after reading your post

    நல்லவனா இரு,ரொம்ப நல்லவனா இருக்காதே

    It is good that you are trying to be nice but don't put yourself in a situation where other take you for granted.
     
    SCA and mangaii like this.
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    This struck a chord with me and no doubt many of us who come from middle-class families of the 70s-90s India. My parents spent a lot of their money relative to their income on giving us the best possible education, even though they had to sacrifice a lot of their own dreams. Every bit of jewelry they gifted me is precious because I know how much blood, toil and sweat went into it even though it looks very modest by the standards of what we are able to buy ourselves today. I would see red if someone decided to mess with that.
     
    KashmirFlower and mangaii like this.
  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    You have alreafy contacted them, but no reply. So leave it there. Your husband has to deal with them. Let him do that.

    Its a learning lesson. Dont trust anyone blindly even your husband. So take care of your own accounts. If your husband has asked them to take money if they need, then you became their enemy if you keep asking. Its a mess your dh created.

    If you have any plan to visit india contact your bank manager and open a locker for you. You have every right to claim your jewellery and transfer it to your locker.

    So be careful in dealing with SIL. Dont elevate the issue, stop asking her money and patiently wait till you can visit and tranfer your jewellery to your account.
     
    KashmirFlower and mangaii like this.
  7. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Only way to get it back is to go and sit at her place and do dharna. I'm waiting for my much needed India trip .
     
  8. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    @Minion just weakness when it comes to money otherwise I'm not that good person .
     
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  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Actually I don't want to do this. My husband is not even aware of things I own and he doesn't understand the emotional value of jewels. I know how he sees it. I'm not handing over the responsibility to him. I'm not scared of dealing her. In fact I want to deal with this and get back my stuff . I have tons of dialogue to deliver after I get my stuff .
     
    Angela123, Minion and Hopikrishnan like this.
  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    I like that !!
     

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