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How to Deal with Sister

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Ganymede, Jun 13, 2010.

  1. Ganymede

    Ganymede New IL'ite

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    My relationship with my parents are souring due to my older sister, who is 35 and single. My sister and mother had always been very close, which kind of affected my relationship with my mother. But it's been a long time and since then I have moved out for my studies and then career. I don't have any problem with my parents since they had always been supportive and caring. My sister has not married, as she is scared of taking any responsibility. She is also not ready to take up any appropriate job despite being a qualified science teacher. She is totally dependent on my parents, and both my parents especially mother still pamper her like a kid. So many times, I have asked my mother to teach her to be responsible and self-reliant, but to no avail. I am worried what would happen after my parents. We are only two sisters and I live abroad. It has escalated so much that if I even start talking about it with my mother she simply transfers phone to my father and stops talking with me altogether. I have no rapport whatsoever with my sister. She is a nice and caring person but I want her to know that she needs to be responsible for herself and cannot be a burden on my old parents all her life. We are a very close knit nuclear family, so I cannot ask any relative to intervene and advise my parents. please help
     
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  2. helpmegod

    helpmegod New IL'ite

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    Hey why dont ou say your sisiter that there is one guy same your age apt for you sis. why dont you think of itonce.. say so. atleast you will come to know her opinion. or say that your hubby 's frnd is there he is such a nice guy age is apt like you. he is also same kind =like that say something and find out.
     
  3. Ganymede

    Ganymede New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your reply, but I am single myself :). However, I have been searching a guy for her from last SEVEN years, she will find faults with any guy I propose for her and my parents further support her. I feel guilty but finally I have stopped finding guys for her, as apparently nobody is good enough for her.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I would like to say something here! As long as she is not involved in your personal life it shouldnt bother you as to how she wants to lead her life isnt it??? Why cant we let people live the way they want to!!

    As a sister your concern is understood. You have voiced your concern too no. of times to an extent where your parents started to take it in a negative sense, so why push your views on them?? If your sister is not ready to accept responsibility now, might be down the line she would have to learn it the hard way.

    Remember one thing, everyone has their own way of approaching life. As long as they dont create problems in our life, we should just have them decide what they want to do with THEIR life.

    Yep might be one last time tell your sister aobut how she has to face life all by herself when your parents are no more and You are married and having your own family where your sister would be left all alone with no one to take care of her or turn to!!! This has tobe told at the right time..might be you have to wait for that time! How about asking her to join IL forums:)??

    Dont worry too much about her. she is an adult eventually she has to learn but when and how its upto her to decide youcant spoon feed her on everything!
     
  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Sometimes unmarried children are a boon and not a burden as parents are very well cared for in their old age ! Your sis must be helping in the housework and your mom must be happy being looked after.Its convenient to have a young person staying in the house.
    Thats could be the reason why sis is not working as a teacher. If parents do not encourage then she will not go out to work. The money kept for her marriage will come handy .

    I have seen a family where the parents did not marry off any of their grown up kids and led a very cosy life till the end.
    The parents got all the attention and there was no one to come and share affection or time. A very close knit family indeed. The mom found fault with all matches.

    If sis gets married then they will be left alone in their old age. Parents are human and can become selfish too.
    Obviously if elder sis is unmarried then how will you marry ? Tell mom to start looking for a match for you then things will change.
    Or start searching for a good match for yourself.
    Strange but very true .
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Gany, sorry if it hurts you but its in best interest of overtly close knit faimiles to not to enter into marriages... and also for people who love to find fault in anything and everything.. .they're doing the best job to makind to not to pull another sane family into their insanity.

    Infact I advocate such parents & children to remain closely gelled with them in closed boundaries of home.. God dint make their child into special needs category but the parents themselves did, I wish God takes the right decision of giving the right type of child to a right parent.

    If God decides on certain character, traits then also their outcome. Leave it to them for self-realisation.. you pls find a match for yourself, you appear a bit different from rest of them and lead your life without thinking about whether she's married/ independent or no.
     
  7. ais_1982

    ais_1982 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Gany,

    Stop thinking about ur sister...If she has decided to stay single, its her choice...She is 35...Now u just think about ur future and find a nice guy for yourself...If your parents have gotten used to her taking care of them and she also is fine with that arrangement, leave them as it is,...Though she is ur sister, her life decisions are hers...She is responsible for her life...You just carry on with yours...
     
  8. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear,

    I agree with what others are saying. Let your sister take care of her own life and you take care of yours. Try this for a month and you will see the difference in your parents attitude.

    I understand your concern and its noble of you to try to bring point out good matches for her but she is grown up enough to know what is good for her.

    Don't preach her or mom on your calls. Talk about yourself and them and you will see they will appreciate you more.

    Having a job and being married may not be something she wants. Let her be.

    My SIL is in a similar position and I have left her alone after initial struggles. You can take a horse to the well but you cannot make it drink.

    Good Luck
    FL
     
  9. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Ganymede,

    Your concern for your sister is understandable. It's so sweet of you trying to fix her up. but all you can do is send her out on dates...you can't make her marry!
    maybe have a talk with her about her future and marriage....just to ease your mind....and then let it go as you have done your part.

    P.S. IS your username in any way connected to Jeeves' club? or may be i got that wrong :)
     

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