How to deal with inlaws after a decade?

akruti9 · Feb 16, 2010

"Be mentally prepared that hubby will change a bit when they are around. Decide to forgive him now itself. It is called "meet the parents" syndrome. Men kind of want to show off to their parents that they are well settled and their wife is a slave treating them like a king. Poor guy. Let him have his 3 months of glory. If he crosses the line a lot, we can whip him later."

This was something a good point .. I don't know why as soon as DH parents come DH behaves like we are their slaves. he shows like he is a king of the family. In their absence he is like a cute eddy teddy who listens to whatever i say ,who cooks and cleans for me ,who does anything but the days his parents are here OMG.:bonkHe is entirely a different person. I don't know why men behave like that?? Can't we change it? can't we tell them to be nice even if their parents are around?

Mihisha · Feb 17, 2010

Excellent replies...
Well ABC, Look , in front of you , karmas have been paid off.... , She dinn feed you well when you were pregnant and now look at her plght in her old age! More faith in God!

abc00 · Feb 17, 2010

ShilpaMa said: ↑

Abc.. I think ur co-sis had the guts to teach a few lessons to ur MIL
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ShilpaMa said: ↑

Whatever you went through is a standard definition of a MIL & matrimonial house.. all of us get the same treatment.. however burning bridges finally leaves us only in isolation.

Since they left you peacefully for a long while, I guess you got closer to ur DH :bonk& felt compelte ownership on him.. pls dont forget that lady MIL also owns him. Finally blood is thicker....

Stay calm & remain neutral to her as far as possible, also reciprocate to her gestures if any but dont get emotionally attached to her. DH might or might not give you an outsider treatment once they reach.. so give him space as well... one time pain after a long gap has more intensity than a regular pain....
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Truly speaking, my cosis didnt had to teach any lesson to MIL. Some people like cosis are lucky that they have a thorn-free path.I suppose MIL have become old now and prefer to do seva to her 2nd bahu instead of getting into trouble again
.I feel very bad to face the fact about women getting this kind of treatment. Im getting averse to Indian men mentality. I hope to date a non-Indian guy atleast in my next janam:hiyato keep away from this desi MIL politics.
I disagree here to have complete ownership on dh. Here i want to be a part of his family and they are not giving me that opportunity. My take is if the whole family avoids me, then whos only left for me - dh- then whats wrong in having ownership on him :bonk
This is what i wanted to make sure. If i be stay aloof then they might brand me as having attitude. While i forgive and forget and move ahead, i dont want to fall prey again to her.

Thanks for your reply.

abc00 · Feb 17, 2010

lavii said: ↑

better late than never
so try maintaing good terms as long as they are there is my suggestion
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Because i have been hurt before, i want to be cautious this time. Its not in my nature to have tit for tat. At the same time, i dont want them to disturb the harmony b/w me and dh. If i can be soft to them, i can be a durga avatar:rant.....lol....if they try to take things in control.

abc00 · Feb 17, 2010

I like some of the pointers like feeding healthy stuff to them instead of feeding unhealthy thoughts to my mind:thumbsup
Yess, i have told dh to have a peaceful vacation. Else he will have to face the heat:spin

Thanks for your pointers. It will be very helpful to me.

eandian · Feb 18, 2010

All the best dear. :thumbsup

akruti9 · Feb 18, 2010

In the last moment getting bit by a snake and everything coming to square one. gr8 example dear. I faced it. After 3 yrs I went to see my parents to india. first I got down at my inalws place stayed there for a week after that went to my parents place for 2 weeks then again a week before my flight came to my inlaws place. I was calm kept my mouth shut for all these days. and as I was about to finish my game in the last 2 hrs., at 1:00PM I was about to leave and at 11:00PM god knows why I had a big fight with my MIL I opened my mouth and got bit by the snake and everything got backfired no matter how hard I tried the last one month everything went bad becoz of answering back at that last moment. Just if I could have shut my mouth last those 2 hrs now my life would have been different. I don't know why I messed up:bonk.

Rihana · Feb 18, 2010

Very good advice, and well-phrased. :thumbsup It is definitely experience speaking, and experience that hasn't resulted in bitterness, but only wisdom. Thank you.

-Rihana

eandian · Feb 19, 2010

Initially I had grudge against them. It took a toll on my health, spiritual life etc. In my mind I was always replaying the incidents and thinking of all the possible harsh replies that I could have given them (but missed)
I became physically sick because of that. Now I try to avoid situations that will trigger a clash.

archanajl · Feb 19, 2010

Also, it is a fact that Dh changes once their mother come. But definitely, mother's love is strong. We can always have them once they have left.

abc00
Hope u have a nice stamina throughout the three months.