How To Deal With In-laws Visiting?

Looks like the family you married into is the calculating type. Even normal nice people can become weird about money in certain situations. I had to shout at my father once when my brother’s wife was expecting their first baby. My dad started grumbling that her parents should be covering all the expenses by tradition. We had to quiet him down before my brother heard because it would have become a huge drama.
Once you have a job make sure that you retain control over your salary. Don’t just hand everything over to your husband. Learn about accounts and investments and have your own credit cards so you start building up a credit history. When you buy a house make sure both your names are on the property. It’s okay to have separate accounts but you should think of sharing the major expenses. And you both should ideally start transitioning away from the “his” and “mine” mindset to setting a common financial pot.
It’s nice you have parents who are willing and able to financially support you but that should be an option of last resort. Even if you’re not working you and your husband are a unit now, so he should be supporting your reasonable expenses like food, transport and clothing. You shouldn’t have to live like a paying guest.

 

I am more concerned with this statement , than anything else. Rest is just side irritations. but not major. if this is not a emotional statement , and it is a big issue. Even going back to India is better , ofcourse with job.

 

do not worry about answering the point is not answer for every input. it is just to absorb and use to your benefit.

that is a very valuable thing you mentioned, India not being own country. it changes everything. no wonder, it also reflects in your humble nature and over working. it does not mean people from India are lazy and rude. But as i am growing up i noticed, People who are not grown in India are more conservative than who grew up.

Trust me Indian men are like babies till they are alone and need some serious life training in beginning.

plan well. point is not respond to everything .like a tweet here ( at least for me ).

 

Hi,
The situations you mentioned are perfectly normal in any context. The anxieties of a new bride, who never lived in a joint family before, overwhelming in-laws, not so helping husband. All of these are not unheard of. I would say be wise and clever about it. Find a volunteer job asap. Join a certification course too that is going to be helpful in your job hunt. Also the cooking part and cleaning, decide what you can do and can’t . Discuss with husband that if you are cooking, you expect others to join in cleaning up. Everything cannot be on your head. Also some days he can take them for sight seeing or eating out. Plan your days well. Be polite and respectful to them but set up your boundaries too by not being rude. That is the basic for any healthy relationship.
These kind of anxieties are normal ! You will manage it, don’t worry

 

it is not about me right or wrong. lot of this new marriage issues. honestly a lot are new marriage stuff , sorry i am repeating.

my dh used to complain like a baby first 2 yrs. then after years, he hardly talks about me , just talks about kids to his mum. he plays dumb and acts dumb and smiles when his relatives do not think he is a smart . in secret after permenant GC, he is holding a income of above 500k , with multiple business . even i came to know after 6 months of successfull work.

but that said, now it is right time to be smart one (sorry it sounds bad in small picture) . you have to learn to manipulate (not sure if it is right word). but they said in hindi. take oil with curved finger. sweet talk and convincing DH. See the goal is building up your family for a comfortable satisfied living. stress and power play will work but with lot of struggle.

also your both extended families are important. but first you and your dh have to come to a single life goal and connect and keep boundaries of sharing everything

and back to business, what is your skill set. IT or something else. are you in USA.