How To Deal With In-laws Visiting?

you have two completely diff problems
1. Husband who is inconsiderate
2.In laws visiting for 3 months
Don't mix up in-laws problem with husband problem.
Deal with husband problem after they leave.

 

Total contrarian . and sorry if this offend. but think big.

how did you even married. from what it looks like . Love marriage. So from your description of husband. Typical desi lazy ( i am assuming you are desi). Just like most in the beginning. i had my fun in my dh starting

your DH is a sweet talker i see , in wooing you , seeing the personality description after marriage .

just my points.

you MIL is like regular MIL in beginning. Everyone goes through that or atleast most. Be kind and manage your emotions. Leave home to library .

set your priorities right. If job is hard to get in that country, and you desperately want to get job. ILS visits is not good. Not because you hate or they hate. but interviewing is highly stressful and preparation too. distractions won't help. Why do you want job. Ask that. Who will support home after job. So hypothetical , you get job come home at 10. he comes at 10. you will cook , clean and he will eat and have s.x with you. Get your life goals right.

if you do not want to get job, it is fine. enjoy being homemaker , nothing wrong in it. pick what hobbies or things you like.

now living arrangements. Accept it. this is the new normal. You might have lived in 10 bedroom house, but now you are in single room after marriage. Make the best out of it. you cannot shut out family.

NOW THE BIGGEST RED Flag

your Husband. he is like a head now. His blood relatives will react based on his actions in your home.

from your description, he is a immature person. First work out on how to live together as couple in sharing responsibilities. Your ILS are not issue. A person who cannot take care of his wife when sick is not cool.
You can live in 1 bedroom with 10 people as long as you and your husband are in same goals.

Stop worrying about ILs. Get your priorities right. Otherwise after 10 yrs after kid, you will realize and then complain about Husband.

 

lol. small issue. but looks big when view from a small view.

So after kids you fell sick, he will do the same.

not really relevant

so why did you marry then, if your parents support. little support is ok. did you marry for any citizenship or somethin you do not want to share, IT IS TOTALLY FINE. If not , work with this life ahead. if he makes $1000 and rent and utility. and you get 10$ as pocket money from Spouse where as you used to get 1000$ as pocket money from parents . Work your life with $10. this is part of growing up as a couple. and THIS IS NOT YOUR fault. aGAIN you both have to work together in making this life ahead good. Parents support and PIL support is good, more the better, but you have to be independent.

if you are not able to get job due to lot of reasons immigration, support. then why to stay abroad and suffer. Go back to india . Atleast you can get job, parents near for emotional support.

 

Sorry if this feels too rude.

i also misread Arranged marriage. That changes things a bit. but not a lot. i still stand , you need work out your couple goals .

 

If your husband isn’t helping you now then he isn’t going to magically start when your in-laws are here.
If your in-laws are the traditional type and you’re not working while their ladla beta is slaving away and coming home at 10 pm then forget it. Your MIL will start seeing red if you ask your DH to clear the table in this situation.
Deal with the in-laws visit now and work it out with your DH later. When you are both working you’ll have to figure out an equitable system for housework or outsource what neither of you want to do. It is particularly important to do this before you have kids.

 

If I am in your place, I will have a talk with your dh, how to make your inlaws stay in your place a comfortable one for everybody. Ask his suggestions on over all plan, who will do what, sharing tasks as if how can you help him making his parents stay a comfortable one.

Even if you dont like this idea, spreading negativivity can lead to more problems in future. So give up your bias and prejudices and face it with an open mind.

My first question is if your parents visit, what you will do?

If your dh complains like this what will be your reaction?

All you have now is, a working h, you staying home , one bed room. You cant change that. What advice you will give. I will reply later.

No body like a spouse who blames their parents. So, your aim should be having their stay, which your can't change now, a peaceful, respectable one. Have a plan, watch, observe, treat his parents like you treat your parents, even if you will be their DIL and they will be your PILs for ever. So be practical. Try to build a cordial relationship with them. It may help your marriage.
Rest, just watch, observe, plan accordingly, go with flow. Each time think, if they are your parents how you will respond. You never lived with them for long time, so this way you get will give idea or think like how you talknto a stranger.

If you have these negative thoughts, it will reflect in your words, body language, actions. So, be careful.

Also, have plans to spend your own me time-- go out for a walk, or find something to get out.
When my PILs visited, I thought this way, 'they are visiting my home and its my duty to take care of them as they are my guests'. I didn't have any idea. I told my MIL to treat this home as theirs. I didn't over do anything. I asked their suggestions too. Slowly it evolved and I have a good relation with them. Understand their psychology, for them you are an outsider, they will be concerned about their son and may spend more time with him. So, give them space. Also, dont hesitate if you disagree, but learn how to convey in a respectable way. That way you will be able to define a boundary too. Learn to ignore if needed.

Let it evolve slowly. Its not easy even if your parents visit or any guest stays for 3 months. You can use it as a good opportunity to build a good relationship with them or spoil every thing.. So, handle this situation using your brain, not emotions.

 

Join some courses (online/offline) and also take a gym membership or zumba class or something similar .You will be busy with these things and staying away few hrs everyday will make you feel better.Dont worry about washroom usage and all
That's a temporary thing and not a life long compromise for you.What is important is building a cordial relationship with your inlaws.When I had to stay at a place for months due to an unavoidable situation I started watching lots of stitiching videos on YouTube and started learning that all by myself since the house where I stayed had a sewing machine LOL..how peaceful and meaningful my days were..Look for some ideas OP