1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How To Deal With Disappointment?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 18, 2022.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,311
    Likes Received:
    1,532
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm feeling upset since past many days...like I have not achieved anything in life and don't have any potential...my husband has stopped caring about me , earlier he would financially give me money for expenses but he has cut down on that saying that there is lot of other expense. He buys good gifts for his parents but won't buy anything for me. Not a single rupee he will spend on buying gift for me...i haven't got any gift for my birthday or anniversary since past 3 years and he doesn't care. . I tried doing some small temporary work assignment for income but my earnings are very less..it's a very small amount not even enough to buy one week supply of groceries and vegetables .my maid earns more than me by working in 3 houses.
    I thought that even if I don't have happiness in married life i can find happiness through having a good career but despite my best efforts I didn't find a lucrative full time job...I was expecting a job offer couple of weeks back but it seems to be delayed and I'm very doubtful if it will come through anytime soon as I'm not getting favorable reply from prospective employer...atleast if I had a good job I would be confident.. my inlaws of course take me for granted..always criticizing me.....from my parents very limited support..I have very limited talks with my husband these days as he is always irritated and just finds a reason to pick fights with me..no peace in married life and no stability in job...no proper employment...and due to covid situation I canot step out for outings for a change...how much ever efforts I put in it seems like I don't have luck...feeling sad and moody all the time...maybe I had too much expectations so got disappointed...just a vent ladies...I was in tears today feeling very upset ..just feeling so sad and demotivated..hope these negative feelings will pass away and I have better times ahead.
     
    Dreamer likes this.
    Loading...

  2. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,604
    Likes Received:
    2,308
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Feeling upset when things don't go your way, is natural. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just do what it takes to find a source! Of income in a calm manner. Surely u will land something eventually. Although easy to preach, still instead of expecting others to give u happiness, try to see what u can do to find fulfilment. Once your husband finds his behaviour is not really affecting u, he may change. All the best
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,684
    Likes Received:
    3,580
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Hugs to you. Anyone will feel the same in your situation. Its pretty normal. Take a break, relax and focus on things you can control. Start fresh.

    Job- dont give up. Keep trying and explore new options. Stop comparing your situation with others. Never ever give up. Have that fighting spirit. You will suceed for sure.

    PILs- talk less, dont reply to their complaints. They have nothing else to do. Do whatever you can. Let them do what they want

    Husband - he may have his own reasons for this behavior. Just ignore his tantrumns and remove any expectations from him. Don't chase him, or complain to him. Try to be independent in all aspects. Talk to the point. If anything creates conflict, just message him. If he misbehave, tell him directly ' you should not talk to me like that' or ' if you cant talk in normal way dont talk to me '. Practice neutral tone. Dont allow him to treat you as doormat. When he finds you happy and unaffected he will come to you.

    You - need to do some excercise. There are many you can do in a room, yoga, dancing, walking (youtube videos ) etc.. Keep yourself busy, learn something new. Update your skills... Learn to live your life to the fullest with whatever you have. Enjoy with kids. Practice how to push away negative thoughts from your mind.

    Hope you will overcome this tough situation and come out with flying colors.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2022
    Needtobestrong, SCA, gknew and 3 others like this.
  4. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    168
    Likes Received:
    358
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Remember that disappointments and failures are part of journey to success. Only focus on what you can control like self care, improving one skill at a time, relaxing and keeping yourself positive. I wish you the best and just take a break for 2 days from all the thinking and do something joyful to recharge.
     
    drdiva and Needtobestrong like this.
  5. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    257
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Op,

    Sorry to hear about your pain, here are my few suggestions.

    1. Do some yoga or breath in and breath out exercise or if you have any hobby try doing that.

    2. After your work and household activities spare some time and visit any flower garden or park or lake or temple whereever you like to spend some alone time.

    3. Listen to soft music during your time at home or if anyone is treating you badly or you feel negative or hurt.

    4. Don't loose hope keep on trying for new job openings and explore new earning options.

    5. Make new friends.

    6. Try to eat healthy food (not binge eating or junk food) healthy body functioning will lead your mind towards positivity.

    Make these small changes, you will start noticing changes after a few days.
     
    Needtobestrong and joylokhi like this.
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,613
    Likes Received:
    10,899
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    You just remind myself during 2010 and I can very well empathize with what you are going through!

    First of all, hugs to you dear!
    Believe in me.... This too shall pass, and you will surely be at a place where you always dream to be :)

    I believe in God, and the fact that God will not test you beyond your tolerance level. And more importantly, God will be with you, help you and guide you whenever you are tempted, and tested.
    Which means, this is your testing time. Believe, God is with you, and he will show you a way out.
    Just leave everything onto God, and take life as it comes. We humans, the mere mortals can't do much other than worrying and complicating our already messy life. So, just chill.

    - You are suffering from low self esteem, lack enthusiasm and self motivation
    - This surrounds you with a lot of negativity and it is obvious no one chose to be with a negative person
    - Your H, your in laws, your parents are all away from you mentally and that's the reason you are suffering from low self esteem.

    So, it is like a never ending cycle, and this will be associated with emotional turmoil, fights, negliance, health issues, constant failures and abandonment.

    Take one issue at a time....and try resolving it :)

    Imagine a world where you have no one. No one else to trouble you and no one else to support you. That's the reality. Everything else is a bonus.

    1. What would you do for your basic survival?
    For food, clothing, housing/renting, and other needs?
    You should be working outside of your home to earn a decent amount to cover up your monthly monitory needs, right?
    Given your educational qualifications, experience, and obvious career gaps, limited technical updates and so on... you must probably know where exactly you fit in.
    If you foresee disappointments in certain type/stage of career, better shift your focus to a different path.
    Eg: One of my ex-colleague had similar issue. A long gap in her career caused failures when she re-applied for the same profession. After a point, she changed to a new career and started afresh. Of course, this means starting from the scratch at a later age, but late is better than never.
    Secure an employment, no matter what, it is your first priority.
    Also look for on-line opportunities. Always update yourself in social media, and networking with whomsoever you think can recommend you.

    2. Creating a support system
    Family is not always blood relatives. Don't overtly depend on your relatives for everything. It is time for you to create your own support system in case of emergency, day to day matters, physical and for emotional supports. We humans can't go on to live all by ourselves. We need companions. We need people to go to.
    Your support system can be anything. A next door old lady or a co-passenger in a bus or a seller of a grocery shop. Just that, find the connect in humans, and develop from there.
    We live in the days of social media, and having connection with the people across the continents, finding friends and acquaintance is a simple thing. Just come out of your shells.

    3. Self care
    Self care is the most underrated thing in our culture. When I was in trouble a decade back I weighed 80kgs with a shapeless body and frizzy hair. I cared nothing about myself post pregnancy, and when I look back the photos of those times, I pity the way I looked back. Especially the dark under eyes, and frizzy hair.
    I started taking care of myself as a priority immediately after I secured a job and a support system.
    Periodic facials, spa, manicure, pedicure, and more importantly a hair cut/hair treatment would do wonders in no time.
    Also, your physical health is important. Go to gym, walk a mile daily, and follow a diet plan. As for mental heal, do some yoga, meditation and if you believe in God, pray in silence - Talk to God, Talk to self and more importantly sit in silence and reflect your decisions. You will see a new you very soon.

    4. Prioritize yourself
    I know, kids are our priority. Our family comes first and being obedient to parents is most important. Come on. Before all these, we should come first in our priority list. I learned the lesson hard way.
    Start saving for your retirement. Invest on your health and eating habit to ensure better physical health. The least your kids want down the line is a sick parent to care for.
    Make sure you are not their complete dependent for everything else.

    5. Learning
    It is not too late to start learning a new language or new technology or whatever you deem appropriate. Improve your capacity in whatever possible way, so that you find more and attractive opportunities on your way.
    Eg: You may learn cake making, beauty culture, home decor, a new language and be a certified translator, and sky is the limit for your learning.

    Kids will grow soon. Husband will find peace with whatever he is doing/having. Your parents and in laws will be gone soon. And your siblings and extended relatives will have their own problems. There will be absolutely no one to help you or take care of you in your old age.
    On the other hand, you will be more weaker and more dependent both emotionally and physically than now in 10 years time. So, the path ahead of you is not easy.

    Wake up now, and change everything.

    You only can help you. And God doesn't help those who don't help themselves.

    Good luck girl....
     
    Viswamitra, shama146, Dishaa and 7 others like this.
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,311
    Likes Received:
    1,532
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks wonderful ladies for the motivating and encouraging replies.. really hope my life changes for good..
     
    shama146 and Dishaa like this.
  8. swiss

    swiss Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    241
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree 100% with what SBGV says. I went through the same with a husband who doesn’t care for me, spend on me and talks to me only for mentioning my faults. I was a dependent at that time. I suffered a lot silently and was almost suicidal with only negative people around me and people who are happy to see me suffer. Parents didn’t listen to my pain and wanted me to adjust. I was isolated from everyone and had no support system, no friends, no one that had my back.
    After few years i got a job. My life is little better. I feel my husband respects me little bit now. But we cant change people 100%, so marital issues are still there but i am able to buy things and do things that make me happy.

    So please start by going out for walks, be friendly with people other than your family also, whether you get a job or not, you can keep preparing for the field you want job in. One day you will succeed.

    Once you start working, you will automatically meet some people and get a support system.

    Also there are many online tutoring sites which teach students across the world various subjects like math english science etc for even 1st grade and 2nd grade etc. maybe you can start with that like teacheron, qmaths and be a teacher and earn some money.

    good luck.
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,989
    Likes Received:
    3,643
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello OP,
    I have seen your vents a few times in the forum. It seems to be a mindset issue to me. See, what you must realize is that grass is always greener on other side. I have been on both sides of this issue too. Feel so depressed when I was stay at home and felt racked with mom guilt at work. You can’t win.

    Thing is somehow you have taken it into your head that the solution to all your problems is getting a job. You are quite fixated on this idea. Whenever you feel down your mind says ‘see it’s because you don’t have a job.’ If someone speaks rudely you think to yourself ‘see they are doing that because I don’t have a job.’ If husband has no ready cash for you again same thing.

    I just want to point out that even if you get a job tomorrow all these issues will not go away magically as you seem to think. The rude person will still be rude. The husband based on his expenses and budget may not have money to give you. The haters will still hate, the complainers will still complain. So stop connecting each and everything to your lack of a job. It’s clear you feel very bad about it and chafe about it daily but it is not as you seem to think the source of all your problems.

    Look life comes in phases, and every phase has some good some bad, no phase is 100% good as we like to think, not even childhood though many feel nostalgically it was the best but then also we were at the mercy of tests, homework, nasty teachers, nasty classmates, diseases or accidents. We just don’t remember all that stuff, that’s all.

    So what I would suggest is make your peace with your current phase and do the things it enables you to do - give more attention to your kids, cook their favorites, spend time with them, pursue some hobby - all those small things that give you joy and make life bearable, do them wholeheartedly and extract total joy from them. Tomorrow when your job comes through you will be too busy to do many of these things so do them now when you have time with full attention, whole heartedly and savor the experience of doing them. And ignore the negative parts. They will be there in different forms in every phase. Just face them, overcome and put them out of your mind.

    Nothing, no phase is perfect or 100% good and positive. Every phase will have some issue, some struggle, some conflict of its own. The trick is to put more attention on what positives are there and extract whatever joy from doing them that you can get. And be neutral or philosophical about the bad parts. This too shall pass.

    With best wishes!
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2022
  10. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    251
    Likes Received:
    163
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    First of all, it's a fact of life that time NEVER remains the same. So this is a phase and it WILL pass, it's a fact even if you don't believe in it.
    Having said that, I have been in a similar boat myself and it's normal to feel low but like I said, I know time will change. You have come this far in life and you will go ahead. Just wait and watch.



     
    Needtobestrong likes this.

Share This Page