How to deal with an adamant child !?

hi sanchita...kids make us good story tellers...
I will tweak this story and tell her for her bed time story! I already had to make up a story for not wasting food....and whenever she wastes food, i just have to remind her, and she will continue with the moral of the story...hehehehe.......so now another similar story about a girl throwing tantrums.....good one....! will definitely try it today and let you know the effect

 

hi all,

Though I have been visiting the forum, I just wanted to give it some more time before I could update here, and I am so glad that more members have dropped in!

hi teacher,

I have still not used the story tactic yet, but I know I need it for sure...just waiting for the right time.....I will definitely keep the pointer you have given in mind while making up my own story....it really makes sense.....danke!

hi rajkiranvarenya,

thanks for dropping in here....and for letting us know of this site....
as vjbunny said, if you can share some of the things that you learnt as tips, i think it will be really helpful for all those having similar experiences with their kids now...

and I must thank vjbunny for having made this as a sticky thread....the last time I came to update, I was searching for the post, and then realised it has been made into sticky!! am sure there are many people out there like me, and surely they will benefit from this......

hi itsjustme,

well, now that you have said, i don't know if being stubborn and being adamant are correlated...maybe they are...even I was stubborn as a kid...but not to the extent of throwing tantrums like how my DD does!!! i think its only at a later stage of our lives that we realise how we have been...so don't worry, you can always make up for it now with your mom and let her know that you will be ever grateful to whatever she has done for you.....and you can always reciprocate to her now in the best way that your mom would need!!

and as you rightly said, i wonder how the experienced moms have managed so well without all these forums & support groups! hats off to them!!!

 

Dear Kamla,

Thank you so much for your kind words .....well, yes, I have no doubt in saying that Shanvy's advice is working for me in bits and pieces everyday! The moment it worked for me the first time, its like a daily chant that I recollect in my mind of whatever has been mentioned here!

Thank you so much for these wishes...its so comforting to hear such words at such trying times, and parenting is something which is going to be a process for the entire lifetime....and when we are able to benefit from the advices given here, the end result in the form of our children cannot be expressed in words!

and a few words about what I felt about Shanvy was that, although the main root cause was ME, she carefully chose her words so that the asker(that is, ME) does not take it to heart. if it were a sensitive person, and if the writing was blunt, then it may not be taken well, and instead spoil the purpose of forums! I have seen lot many others like Shanvy who give such timely advices...I will save this for another post!!!

When the reason/root cause is not known or clear, it makes it all the more difficult to solve the problem. But, when she subtly pointed out that maybe I am not giving enough time, thats when I realised where I am going wrong, even though I knew it....but somehow in the race of life, ignored it ! now, even though she may throw tantrums, i look into myself first, and then use the tactics given here to solve the problem in hand....so i have a process to follow, and it is working!

Thank you so much ! And yes, I have now made it a point to keep visiting this post, and update whatever little changes that I am seeing!! With so much support available here, I think its now not so difficult as I felt a few weeks ago!!

now for a quick update - now whenever my daughter throws tantrums, being ziddi or adamant, i quietly tell her "by throwing tantrums, do you think you will get anything? do you think it will solve your problem?"....and its so surprising to see that a 5 year old kid suddenly becomes quiet, and 7/10 times she responds by saying "no, ma, we wont get"....and then she cools down, which makes it a bit easier and the situation is controllable.......its as if its a magic potion !!! the day i had posted my question, after i got some clear responses here, i sat with her for a while and explained, which I described already in my earlier post....and i also explained the consequences of what will happen in her language style........now that particular talking works in her stored memory!!! its really amazing to note such changes......

apart from that, she helps me with her already allotted chores, and sometimes she takes a little more....so whenever she says she can take a little more, i just check with her if she is ok, and she so willingly does it ! in my case, and I guess for most of the kids of these days, just going by their flow helps them a lot to learn what is correct and what is wrong.....and asking her to do some chores is one way of distracting her from her tantrums...it doesnt work all the time, but it does help......so by the time she finishes that work, she even forgets for what she had cried, and she is back to her cheery self!

and am still to implement the "hugging" medicine...i have saved it for a bad day, but am sure this also will work......!!!

will be back when i have some updates!!!