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How To Deal This?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lostpeace, May 1, 2016.

  1. lostpeace

    lostpeace New IL'ite

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    I am married for 6yrs, having a 5yr old kid,living in India
    I am 32yrs and my DH is 34yrs,we both work in IT .
    I have more experience than my DH because of my on track academics,So I earn more tham him even before marriage itself

    Positives about my DH:
    Loves my kid and me
    Equal importance in financial decisions
    Equal importance to my parents same as his parents
    Helps needy

    Challenges with DH

    DH doesn't know how to speak softly no matter who is the other person

    I dont like to travel with him in car when he drives. He drives rash and return fights with other people on the road.
    We have been to police station once as he had punched another car driver on road during fight

    DH has a mindset that women are responsible for complete household duties,working /non- working doesnt matter
    Even during pregnancy I used cook,shop groceries and go to work.0% help from DH.
    If I ask for help,it would not be done on time,if it has to be done then I should argue/quarrel with him to get the tasks

    done on time.So I stopped asking for help

    Complete responsibility of Kid is mine, daily dropping to school and picking up from daycare
    Paying fees ,buying books and all other stuff

    Never bothered to buy groceries
    Only when kid is sick,then he would act more than me

    When there is an office party for him,he can come home anytime I should not even question him.
    If it is my team dinner,then I should reach home before 9PM,my phone would start buzzing from 8PM onwards
    Initial days I used to avoid team dinner because of my kid.

    Very lazy person,doesnt even put used inners in laundry basket,throw them in bedroom floor
    If help given he would be happy to get his teeth brushed by another person
    Most of the time reaches home after 10PM,leaves around 9:30AM

    Main issue:
    After marriage DH gained weight from 75 kgs to 103 kgs ( 5 ft 6 inch height)
    DH family - big foodies,No control on what they eat.The way they eat rice as if they are on fast for complete day
    I kept a big check on DH food intake when I saw his weight gain for the first time at 90kgs

    The only BIG thing which taking a toll on my peace of mind is his weight
    People stared saving his name as teddybear in their phones and taking his name as an example for obese people
    Sales people giggle saying these designs wont be available for ur size,u should select some other designs.

    Though there are challenges with DH,the only wish I am begging him is workout and weight reduction.

    I never had any demands from him,never expected anything from him like clothes, jewellery
    Even I dont buy anything for myself as settling in life financially is always my first priority

    As I take of complete house and kid responsibility
    I clearly told him 2 years ago,I am no longer looking for any help so he can concentrate morning time only on workout

    List of activities I got him enrolled for last 4 years
    Gym,Swimming,VLcc,and daily walking
    99% home cooked healthy food in his lunch box,having good amount of time for his personal space.
    I motivated him to my maximum so that determination would be triggered within himself.
    Almost daily I have to push him for workout
    Now I reached a threshold.I lost hope that he would look fit
    Am I going wrong,I am seeing myself as a big failure that I cannot make him look fit just to bring him to 85Kgs

    I started hating him as he is enjoying all free time but not bothered to fulfill my only wish to workout
    I dont like to look at him also
    I lost peace of mind,making his life also miserable almost daily quarelling as he is not doing proper workout

    Please suggest how to overcome this situation.Am I thinking too much

    Thanking for your time

  2. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    hahahaha.. Story of many households.. jokes apart ...

    U join with him too those Classes .. Like if ur H wants to for walking .. U also join him..

    Motivates him to reduce weight .. tell him about health issues he can have with increased weight ..

    N one more thing .. Person want to do for himself will do instead of him telling U do this n do that ..

    Dont cook rice.. or replace rice .. with brown rice.. giver him few household activities.. Ask ur kid to play with his father.. So they can have quality time together.. like Football , Crikcet .. Ask U kid to go for swimming with his Dad..
  3. Gladimeir15

    Gladimeir15 Junior IL'ite

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    Aside from telling him what to do and do this and do that.... why not you and your kid will also join him so that he will love the idea that all of the family are trying to help him.... Just need more patience and strengthen your love and understanding to him...For better or worst...

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