1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

How to convince hubby about having baby

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Ammu1204, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. Ammu1204

    Ammu1204 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Friends ,

    I am new to the site and have been a silent reader for few months now.

    I have been married for 2.8yrs and have a lovely husband.

    It was a love cum arranged marriage and we have no issues with each other yet may be becoz we have been here in US most of the time.

    I have no issues from Inlaws ( small ones which are not that significant ) as of now mainly becoz i ignore most of them and dont try to make big issues out of them.

    My husband is very nice and I have full freedom and i am working and I have no restrictions whatsoever.

    I have one problem now from few months ...I want to plan for a kid from this summer so we can have our first baby by next year.

    My husband is not ready....says we will save some more money before we have kid...I feel we have saved enough and also we do not have any financial problems as such.

    i have always heard his Mom telling him to save money as its very important and always speaks about money to him becoz she thinks we dont save enough money. We dont talk to them about our investments as most of my salary is saved ..he dont save much becoz he spends half of his salary to his parents as they depend on his for their expenses.

    Since all the all the money we save is mine my husband also do not discuss it with his mom.

    She keeps asking him to save money..i dont understand how he can save if he send it to them everymonth.
    I assume she is indirectly asking if we are saving my salary or spending it but he does not say anything.

    My real issue....I am allergic to dust and I have bad breathing problems with asthma attacks if i am exposed to pollution..it happend when we went to India ( Bangalore) and when i am here i have no issues... When i was working in bangalore i had same issues but i could manage with medicines.

    We are not sure how long we may stay here may be another year or so...as his project may end.

    I want to have baby here as I feel its easy and also my health is better here in US.

    i am trying to explain him the same and he keeps telling lets wait for 2 more yrs...i am now 27 and I feel its right time...we do wanted to have lot of fun and we had it and still go out for lot of trips etc etc.

    How do i convince my Husband that its right time??

    Thanks for reading big post....
     
    Loading...

  2. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    256
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Trust me, men are never 'ready' for kids. :rotfl

    You could substantiate your concerns with articles that cite difficulties in conceiving at a later age, complications etc..

    Ask him what are his concerns. Try to alleviate them reasonably. Instead of blindly urging him to become a dad, ask him to think it out loud with you. Together work with him with his so called concerns and make him see if they are infact concerns or just his jitters to enter fatherhood.

    Some 'over-protective', 'over-responsible' husbands take fatherhood so serious that they 'prepare' themselves for an eternity.:bonk ( anbu thollai! They want everything to be perfect and in place for the wife and child.. )

    Good luck! :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
  3. Ammu1204

    Ammu1204 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for your reply :)

    I am going to speak with him...as Money saving reason sounds lame to me.

    I will have open discussion about why he is not ready !!

    My MIL asked me if we have any plans for Kids I told her yes but her son is not ready as he feels he need to save more money..

    She then told me Money will come and go.. so dont base ur decision on that....but at the same time when ever she speaks to her son she keeps asking about money and if we are saving money ....
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    592
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi
    I had to literally beg and plead with my husband to have a kid. He wanted to finish off some loans and save but I didnt see that happening anytime soon since he was sending half his salary to his parents. So I threatened and cried and fought with him to have a kid.

    There is no time thats best for a kid, but when a kid comes everything will fall in place and readjust itself. Once my kid was born DH stopped sending too money to his parents and finished off all his loans and we got a beautiful house and now everything is perfect.

    But if we had waited, we would have been still waiting.

    So THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME. period.
     
  5. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    256
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    May be your MIL meant that do not wait till you save money but save money (simultaneously while you plan for the baby).. could be in this right sense also, Ammu.. See if that makes sense..

    May be your husband is thinking of his project duration too and do not want too many things at hand before he is sure of his stay here.. or he might be worried about the help you need if you were to deliver here.. he may find it comfortable if it were in India with all of your folks near..

    Talk to him and find out about the real concerns apart from finance. For parenthood, it is healthy if both parents are ready wholeheartedly.

    Hope you get your 'yes' real soon.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    954
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    Ammu

    For men, marriage and having kids is like a biggest responsibility. Doesnt matter if the wife is working or not, men look at themselves as providers and any money wife earns is like an extra thing for them..but not that they would depend on wife in future. its in their inherent nature.

    Coming to convincing him about kids....instead of talking about money saving issue...discuss about your health, how it is better and stable here, how it may/may not take more time to conceive in India, what are the added advantages of you having a kid in US (like are you wanting to have a baby because of the citizenship credibility??? or because of better medicare facilities or expert doctors?? etc)

    My point is...explain and suggest...but pls do not try to convince...as some of my friends who tried convincing husbands who were not ready to have kids, had big time postpartum issues and marital problems as after having a baby there was distance b/w wife n husband..reason..husband looked at the baby as more responsibility, wife being busy with kid, ignoring husband, and slowly husband felt he is being ignored and not needed and that he had no interest in the baby but his wife pushed him to do so...All this may/may not happen in your case...But planning and having a baby should be a mutual decision, its not about the age or about how long you have been married, its about both wife and husband being ready to bring a life on to earth and nurture it with love and care.

    Moreover you say he wanted to postpone planning for kids for 2 yrs he is not even looking at down the line short term and you are all geared up with planning for conceiving this year and having baby next year etc..being a woman as much as we all understand your anxities, it would do more good if you could have a heart to heart talk with him and might be take out a pen and paper, estimate the cost of having a baby, and how much is needed for delivery and if you move back to India after baby is born how much do you need etc..

    Planning just doesnt mean when, what and how to conceive baby, it also involves planning for costs, mental and physical preparation of conceiving, delivering and taking care of the new born.This needs both wife and husbands preparation and support.

    Good Luck
     
  7. Ammu1204

    Ammu1204 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks a lot for all your reply's..

    I will have discussion with him and lets see where it goes...initialy when we got married we decided we will wait for 3 yrs..now after 3 ..he wants 2 more so i was kind of disappointed.

    I will be back with what he say's!!
     
  8. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    256
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Also touch this point too when you talk to him..
    Please don't take it personal.. how do I put it in a neutral way.. ok.. here it is..
    conceiving takes its own sweet time.. it could happen the very next month you plan or at a later time.. U got what I am trying to say, right?.. Hope I did not hurt your feelings.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2010
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Ammu the same dodging kept happening in my life & finally my MIL felt that I was making stories on behalf of her son and was highly career oriented + figure conscious to bear a child.. she was really irritated with me and wanted to separate us on this ground.. thats when the reality hit my DH.

    I think what Mstrue said makes sense to me.. that MILs quote on saving money means - dont be on spending side but keep TTC on.. a lot of indian parents are having that sentence as a mandatory part of any conversation and never to be taken to heart with another meaning :).

    Tell him in a naughty tone that both of you (U nd DH) have made up your mind and he did blabber in night Yes I want a baby .. yes I want a baby :crazy. Also that you're contacting several sperm donar banks who can by any chance give you closest clone of him by this summer.
     
  10. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    256
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    :rotfl That's very funny, Shilpa !
     

Share This Page