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how to convince dh reg pil's visit to USA..

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kijo, May 6, 2011.

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  1. May 8, 2011 #21
    kijo

    kijo New IL'ite

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    thanks Dr.kadambari for ur kind words..it is really a hell to prepare for these exams with all this crap going on in my mind..i should speak to dh now..i donno how i'll talk to him but i will..as i said my ILS won't listen..
    dh is ''modern day shravan kumar''.. who is obedient and can't say no..how much ever caring,understanding husband one has.. he is a son first.. to their dearest mom.. dh doesn't say no to milk/drink which he hates when given by his mom..will he say no to this??


    yeah dh only has to buy tickets but it doesn't bother them.. all they want is they want to come.. she wants a hold on the house n her son...i feel she is really afraid of losing her control over her son..
    he will never say no nor lie to them..(atleast not infront of me..)..but i have decided to talk something..so i am hoping everything goes well..

    about kids.. now i kind of moved over it..i have a strong valid reason.. and also.. i am clear abt it. if she nags. i am prepared to ignore.. ultimately it's in our hands to plan or not for a baby..her nagging doesn't help in anyway..i kinda have to tackle dh.. i am guessing it won't be that bad..
     
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    #21
  2. May 8, 2011 #22
    kijo

    kijo New IL'ite

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    dear spiderman..

    yeah i know .. inlaws visit to our palce is inevitable.. that's what i am saying.. it's true that i am not very comfortable when they are around .but i am ok with that if they come later and not now...i am just wishing that they don't come now during my exams.. that's it..
     
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    #22
  3. May 8, 2011 #23
    kijo

    kijo New IL'ite

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    thanks sitara for ur support.. i myself wonder how did mil talk to dh about it.. she just told him itseems.."telll kijo not to use any contraceptive methods,it's not good.." this is what dh told me that too when i found out and confronted him.he himself did not tell me..i don't talk abt such a thing with my mom or own sisters...

    i guess i have a good connection with dh but concerning parents,either his or mine we are never,never on same page..it's just that we both try not to fight n avoid arguments and fights.. or else when parents topic comes there can always be a mahabharaat..
     
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    #23
  4. May 8, 2011 #24
    kijo

    kijo New IL'ite

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    yeah billybob i made plans of going to library n i am planning to stick to it.. but dh wants/expects me to spend time with them..ofcourse i din't tell him my plan..i'll implement it then when they are here.. let's see what happens....
     
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    kijo, May 8, 2011
    #24
  5. May 9, 2011 #25
    billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Agree with KO later on in life you will face much tougher situations, you cannot please everyone in life. I did not care what my DH or his friends think I did not cook or clean our apartment especially kitchen was not livable, since the men were not expected to clean with a woman in the house, point is if you want to succeed in your profession, give up minor issues like my Dh expects me to do this, have them come later or if they insist on coming make your own arrangements to study. Start your schedule now so that your DH will get used to it.
     
    billybob, May 9, 2011
    billybob, May 9, 2011
    #25
  6. May 9, 2011 #26
    Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    billybob,
    Perhaps some are ready to walk out of the marriage if the spouse wont change. And that's entirely fine if one is willing to do so.

    But for those who want to stay on and work out the marriage (despite the issues which are there) - going by 'I shall raise a slogan of equality and put my foot down' and 'Gender X were raised the wrong way, we shall correct that starting NOW' may not always work and doing such things relentlessly may just break the relationship totally.

    In reality, changing well-set mindsets happen slowly over generations. Those that happen quicker can only happen depending on the flexibility of the person involved in the change. Some are that way, and some are not.

    I write this - since on IL sometimes, a strong 'put your foot down' and 'insist on your share' strategy is suggested in many threads. That is necessary in some cases - I agree. However, Put your foot down strongly has pros and cons - and how strong the foot can be put down depends on the guy and girl and their personalities to handle the consequences (which may go either way) of their actions. There are many battles in a marriage sometimes, and she or he has to pick their battles

    Anyway we all throw out virtual e-suggestions and our e-philosophies out into the world online, but eventually each OP needs to customize and see what works out for them in their situation, with their spouses, and how/what to do with their life.


    Sorry if this post does not align with this thread, but just penned it down.
     
    Spiderman1, May 9, 2011
    Spiderman1, May 9, 2011
    #26
  7. May 9, 2011 #27
    billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    I cannot imagine someone walking out of marriage just because she needs to study for her boards, looks like she is living in US for almost 2 years, preparation for boards should have started before marriage immediately after graduating from MBBS, these days girls are finishing boards before marriage as they can take in India unlike 14 years ago. When men marry women who want to pursue medical Carreer in US they need to make lot of adjustments during first five years. He should know what he is getting into, you cannot have a women earning well and fulfilling traditional obligations. Residency in US is much more intense and difficult than in any other country. Marrying highly educated woman will come with baggage, 15-20 years ago men did not want to marry these women as they knew they may may demand equality unlike other women. This generation some men want to have it both ways, it is up to her as what she wants in life.
     
    billybob, May 9, 2011
    billybob, May 9, 2011
    #27
  8. May 9, 2011 #28
    Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    My above post was not specific to kijo's case or US Med (I'm aware of Residency/Med issues in US).
     
    Spiderman1, May 9, 2011
    Spiderman1, May 9, 2011
    #28
  9. May 13, 2011 #29
    kijo

    kijo New IL'ite

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    well guys i am back.. i was busy for a while.. i read all your posts.. thaank you for ur advice and support.. it means a lot to me..

    I tried talking to dh reg their visit.. i actually wanted my mom to come so that it can be of great help to me. she was my pillar of strength n moral support all my life and ia m missing her a lot a lot....i wish her to be here but now that semms not to be possible..

    when dh told that ils want to come i had to quit the idea of my mom's visit coz if i say no to ils and yes to mom it's a sure shot offence to dh n ils and i know there will be nagging,crying and big drama..to avoid all thsi i told my mom that' ok u don't come.

    i tried talking to dh that how can i study if they are here. i told him i cannot spend quality time either on my studies or with them..

    he got annoyed and said that they are coming to visit us and not spend leisure time..they know that u r studying. thay are family they will understand you... it won't be a problem.If i try to talk more about it he 'll just ignore n stop talking to me..what should i do??


    i donno what's it's gonna be.. what ever it is i also have decided that if if they come i'll stick to my plan.I cant take it anymore..
     
    kijo, May 13, 2011
    kijo, May 13, 2011
    #29
  10. May 16, 2011 #30
    rama12

    rama12 New IL'ite

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    Hi Vijikrish,
    I can't believe your reply. Kojo is a doctor. Her parents must have gone through a lot. you sound like only parents of boys go through so much. It is parents duty to give good life to their children. they had their turn and now they should let the children handle their lives.
     
    rama12, May 16, 2011
    rama12, May 16, 2011
    #30
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