How to controll myself?

ashwiniashwini · Feb 23, 2010

Thanks Tridev, for your valuable time and suggestions. I think I am doing interospection...everywhere I have accepted that I did wrong and I will be carefull next time.
My husband knows about it and his advice was I did the right thing and to avoid sharing what I faced personally. He also knows his mother and wants his brother to be happy without hurting his mother. Guys I am scared already for what I did !
I did not tell her that she is bad and will treat her bad. I told her she might be not behaving the same as she has mellowed down now. But in any case try ignoring things and if its too much just stay firm even if it is me your elder sil. And I didnt badmouthed any body else, I just warned her against mil.
Now I believe no matter how good my intention was, I did wrong thing. Please dont make me feel worse.

Anuradha00 · Feb 23, 2010

I was pestered by my sil and her mother even before marriage to tell them how are the other people in the family.
Click to expand...

This shows the mischief that your co-sister and her mother are capable of. They were trying to make you a partner in crime. Generally, just like in-laws play divide and rule, dils play join hands and conquer. Your co-sister and her mother must be very political because they tried to get info out of you even before she got married and you handled it very well. Then when this tactic didn't work, your co-sister shared some instances with you and you took the chance to diss your mil. While you may have been genuinely interested in your co-sister's well-being you were feeling emotionally vulnerable and needed someone from within the family to talk to and used co-sister as sounding board. This was huge mistake on your part. Now she knows that you don't like her and you have brainwashed her against your mil so things will be tough between them now.

I know her and her dramas. She can not be affectionate to anyone except her own self and her elder son,who happens to be my husband.
Click to expand...

See, Ashwini, it is not in your place to pass judgment. She is a mother and she is getting old. She must have thought that since you will not be there for her as she gets old she should be nice to her younger dil. So it is not for you to say she is doing all drama etc because bottomline is she is being nice to her other dil. I sincerely hope you are not telling your co-sister that mil is simply doing drama, because it is not at all fair to the two ladies.

You seem to be over-involved and even obsessed with your mil's relationship with your co-sister. I am sincerely telling you (if you were my sister I will tell you same thing too) let them live their lives and manage their relationships. Don't get involved. You just concentrate on your life here. If your mil is good to her younger dil, then good for them both. It might hurt you to see mil treating your co-sister good after you have suffered with her but let it be.

At the end of the day, your husband or you is not going to be there for mil in her old age. She must be getting very insecured and she might be really good to her younger dil. If later younger dil listening to you mistreats mil and your bil comes to know the reason you will be in big trouble. So please let it go. You made one mistake, don't make more. Don't Just be more careful next time. Especially because your co-sister has proved to be quite cunning (asking you about people in the family even before getting married!).

ashwiniashwini · Feb 23, 2010

Thanks Anuradha for your advice. I really appreciate it. I hope I will not have to pay for what I did!
My mil is really a drama queen. She can go beyond limits to put up a face.And it is disgusting how she change herself into someone which she is not. It is not only with me but everyone else. I have seen her making fun of sil and her mother number of times with her sisters. She even commented on her behaviour after the marriage in front of me .So I know whatever she is doing is either to make me jealous or really she is being nice to her. Either way its not a problem for me. About taking care of inlaws...we are leaving for good in couple of months and as mil is super obcessed with my husband, they will be staying with us. I know I have to take care of her and look after her in future. And even my inlaws are confident about it.
I understand that they had been little cunning about asking the nature of people in family and since they got some vibes from mil they were more careful. Her mother still tells me to advice her and support her being a new member in the family.