How To Clean This?

Did he ever say or do anything to indicate the above three statements to you? Or are you just believing this on your own? This could be the root of the conflict and miscommunication between you two.

 

OP, I wasn’t thinking of posting here but after seeing your miserable state of mind, I am posting my viewpoint as I am old and spiritual so I try to help people who are suffering ..

First of all, please understand that your hubby seems to be a narcissist and as a narcissist, he seems to like the idea of putting self doubt in you and put the blame on you and does things to emotionally trouble you like when he knows you are OCD about cleanliness, why did he put your cell phone in or even near the trash .

.I have heard that people with OCD suffer a lot mentally like thousand times than a person without OCD when things about cleanliness are ignored ..your hubby seems to know about your OCD and still did this to harass you ..

please also try to avoid posters here who are trying to justify your abusive husband in any way , even his recent phone episode or trying to create self doubt in you or reason behind his professional success …. After reading many of your posts, you seem to have been used by your abusive husband for green card …

please take therapy or self help through YouTube videos of psychologist as your husband’s abusive episodes have created lots of self doubt in you ..

Also, by my old age I have seen and heard numerous real life incidents of karma Giving it back to many abusers mostly between 40 to 60 years of age as God always , I am repeating God always answers prayers of people who are good at heart as God can see the soul, no matter how a person pretends in front of the world…

for help from God , just pray mentally directly to any deity you believe in and do good karma always and that includes even not giving wrong advice to anyone even online anonymously and giving up any negative thoughts like jealousy and start helping people in need ..

after you do this for few years, God will help you in some way to answer your prayers , by putting good thoughts In Your mind as I and many posters repeated previously that best is to divorce your abusive husband by consulting attorney and you will most probably get good child support too and some alimony but you seem to be in a very very bad state of mind


That’s why you can’t think straight by continuing in a bad marriage so please start doing pooja along with self help through paid psychologist or through free doctors videos to gain clarity on why it’s right to be away from an abusive husband who abuses either physically or mentally ..

you seem to be in a very very bad state of mind for many years and that’s why I think you can’t think straight on what’s right for you ..

….divorce alimony and child support will take care of your financial aspect also and ultimately, give you peace of mind..

I still don’t understand what good are you getting from your bad marriage and abusive husband as he does not buy food for you even when you are sick and you are doing all the work for your kids so, he is just a sperm donor but not a Father …. .just think do any of the good fathers do this to the mother of their children ….. plus he abuses you mentally most of the time

 

I am not talking about past or how your citizenship helped him. No point in talking about it. Life is much more than an abusive marriage and ungrateful h. I was talking about only this incident. I wonder, why he did that ?Was there any fight or argument as usual.

OP, you can post about your OCD, for years, but it wont change anything. Your confusion is natural in this case. I feel you simply want to vent, not fix this problem or help yourself. Prayers, meditation, poojas etc can help you to relax but it wont alone fix your issue.

If you believe you have OCD what have you done to solve it?

If you like to find a solution, you should consult your primary care doctor. Because OCD often requires specialized care. They will assess and refer to a health professional, for evaluation and treatment. They may suggest medicine or therapy for this issue.

Sorry to say you are in a delutional world that some miracle will happen to fix all your problems. I believe, you will find light at the end of the tunnel only when you decide to make you as your first priority, educate/ empower/help/ love yourself and have deep desire to live your life to the fullest. Your prayers will be heard only when you do your duty to yourself. We cannot help much than guiding you the proper direction.You need a healthy mindset to decide whats best for you and your kids. Otherwise, you will be caught in this never ending cycle of emotional abuse, confusion, stress, pain/ health issues etc. So, take control of your life.

 

@DDream - OCD doesn't go away in a year or 2....it can take years to cure it just Like depression and it may never go away completely .......also stress and abusive environment further enhance OCD Just like depression so is it being implied by you that if it takes 5 years for OCD to get cured, OP should continue staying in an.abusive environment with abusive husband and just focus on OCD treatment because it doesn't work like that ..


If OP only telLs her psychologist about OCD and not her abusive and stressful marriage , then the doc would think that mild medicines aren't working and keep giving strong medicines with crazy side effects as they would not know the entire history but if a good psychologist when he wpulf know th entire history of abusive marriage will also advice OP to stay in a peaceful stress free, non abusive relaxing environment and then start OCD or depression treatment.,...

For healing , a peaceful , stress free and a healthy environment is required ...plus OCD, depression medicines induce sleep or sometimes sleepiness and hence, anxiety then who will take care of her child as her husband is practically useless when it comes to child rearing ...


..other posters here should ask her to work on the root cause and stay in a safe peaceful environment away from the abuser and then go for treatment for her mental issues...her OCD seems to have been induced by abusive marriage just like many even in bad marriage develop depression....

Anyhow, I only posted because I can't believe it when some 5 percent women here make an abused woman believe that the root cause of their suffering is not abuse Or abusive husband but the problems caused by abuse Are the ones adding to their misery...

 

We all have already said this.

 

I agree with you that one should have a peaceful, happy environment to heal, even if its OCD or serious health conditions and it take years to come out of it. If she is in a relaxed environment, I am sure she will feel better. But if one can't have that, what option you suggests? I think she is not able to detach from her h or there is some trauma bonding.

I dont think any ILite suggested her to stay in an abusive marriage or environment. It is her decision. I don't think any one intentionally tried to blame her to add misery. I dont think suggesting professional help is to humiliate her. Whats the right approach? Affirm every thing she says, increase her self pity, blame her h or help her to empower, give ideas on options available or ask her to take control of her life? If there is a will there is a way.

Looks like you have not read earlier posts by OP and replies to her by the 5% women you are complaining about for the last few years.
Please read that before blaming others.
Every one in this forum suggested her for therapy, counselling , consider seperation etc.. And explained how the abusive environment makes her sick and confused. ILites patiently replied even to her queries and confusion regarding periods, pads etc, realising how sad to be in that mental state. I agree that emotionally abusive environment makes one doubt every thing. She dont want to follow all suggesions or leave her marriage for whatever reasons or dont stop chasing her husband, and live her life.

First of all, even a counsellor would not suggest a person to leave an abusive marriage. Instead they guide victims of abuse to take a decision themselves. The decision should come from the victims. But when we know only her version, even if we believe it 100%, and she only knows her life. Whatever may be her decision, it should come from a healthy calm mind, not in anger, not in haste, not because ILites suggested it, not when she is not feeling well. It is easy to advice others to leave their marriage, but OP only can decide on that. I wont suggest any one to continue in an abusive marriage.

So the first step is to gain clarity, gain her confidence, build her self esteem. She is not there yet. She still believes some miracle happen and her husband treats her well. She is not ready to accept that her narcistic husband will never love her or treat her well. A loving affectionate h wont trigger her OCD. She need to be an authentic person to handle him. She only can control herself.

I suggest not to confuse OP, because medicines( if needed based on doctors opinion , but may not require in some case) and therapy help OP to improve her situation. You might have read celebrities, openly talk about their depression episodes and how they came out of it by medication and therapy. I am not asking OP to do anything, but suggesting these options are available. Or she can google to see what options are available. Even 1% improvement makes a difference.

There are only three options
1.Complain and dont do any thing- will that help her?
2. Stop complaining and do something about it
3. Leave the situation and move on.

If she cant do option 3 what option she has?

@EagerForInfo I understand your situation. I have thought many times not to reply , but still, when I see your post, I reply again to most of your posts in an attempt to help you. I am happy that you could find a job, manage kids and home even in these conditions. I wish I could come and help you.
OP, When you are in a stressful situation, it take much time than normal to heal. Also, stressful/ abusive marriage make one sick for sure. It may not be evident now as you are young. But everyone has a tolerance level. To fight the trauma, make sure you eat nutrient rich food , suppliment vitamines, especially Vit D and have healthy life style, else end up with health issues like auto immune issues for example.
The healing should starts from you. I feel when you are ready, the decision to what to do next comes to you. I hope you seek help, Complaining about your dh or going after him will add only negativity and wont solve your problems. You need to detach and assess it yourself. Hugs to you.

Please ignore my reply if its not useful. My intention is not to hurt or make you feel guilty. I would have told the same even if its my sister or close friend.

 

Folks posting here:
It could be that her inability to take action inspite of asking for solutions so many times is a symptom of her OCD? This thought has recently crossed my mind. I don’t know the solution for it so kept quiet but seeing posters argue here made me speak up.

I feel OP’s situation is very complex and that her OCD complicates it as she’s unable to take the required actions. In many posts we are only told the final action, usually something outrageous the husband said or did, but in spite of asking we are never given the full picture of what exactly transpired, what was the original argument about, etc. Instead the poster immediately reverts to reliving the post-childbirth trauma when he refused to buy her anything as a new mom. This has happened several times. I am reluctant to judge or tag the husband as narcissistic or this or that. We are not doctors. I am NOT blaming the OP either, I’m just saying I think the situation is much more complex and layered than is being revealed here.

My understanding of OCD is that it often involves repetitive thoughts and actions and getting stuck in a circle without being able to proceed to a logical resolution and that’s actually what we are seeing here with this posters posts. What is the solution? I don’t know.

 

Agree with you. I also felt we are not getting the real picture. Thats why I asked her about the events that led h to throwing of her phone to trash. It was not intended to hurt her in any way. She mentioned the past events she has posted earlier.

We are not phycologists to judge whats going on or who has what issue , but we have already suggested OP to seek professional help, but she is not getting it, I guess. See the link below. I wish we could help more,

International OCD Foundation | How is OCD Treated?