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How To Choose The Right Partner?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lightsource, May 29, 2020.

  1. Tryinghard2013

    Tryinghard2013 Silver IL'ite

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    I would commend the OP for noticing future issues even before committing into this second marriage. A lot of divorced women feel so emotional insecure that they jump to marry the next person and ignore all the red flags.
    A lot of ladies her have rightly pointed out that the first wife doesn’t seem to be a priority when he was married. Mommas boys will never be able to make u a priority no matter what. In my personal experience, they never change. That is another reason why he is so laid back at texting. The future partner should be his interest and passion and priority and the OP is clearly not this guys priority. He might be talking to a lot of other girls or he might not be interested to woo the OP. Bad future husband in my opinion. The OP should think about taking chances with her second marriage. Atleast the guy should show keen interest in communicating to her whenever wherever clearly missing in this case.. just my 2 cents.
    Kudos to the OP for bringing up the red flags!
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  2. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    very valid points. consider a scenario, you marry him. after some years you have kid, and kid goes to school. donation is 1 lak. so he will wait 5 months or beg to mum for money.

    he is at a age, where mum can assist him to learn to live independent on money and everything, not a primary controller .


    i am not saying he should be rich, i would rather live low expectations and send my kid to a cheaper school with a man, who is little independent . i am not saying super distant, but some Independence as a adult makes sense.
     
  3. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, This is what I sense reading first post, there is a connection between his first divorce and financial dependency on his mom. Any wife would question if husband continues to give his whole salary to mom and allow her to decide anything financially at home. Waiting for next month salary to buy a piece of furniture looks like a red flag for his future wife. As Ddream suggested makeup a story like how your friend's husband used to depend on his parent to buy something for home and how that got their marriage affected, now friend is asking for your opinion...something like that, see how he reacts and respond.

    I would advise his second to be wife, if working, to buy a property in her name and allocate most part of her salary to property emi before the marriage becoz there are more chances that even the second wife's salary of this man may go to his mom hand for trading. He may say for investment purpose, huge return etc. I would also say never add his name as nominee till she gains trust in him.
     
  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    It seems his mother is purpose of his life, to make her happy at all cost. Whatever he told about his first marriage seems to be that there is no place for wife in his life. It seems he did financial abuse to his wife.

    No its not normal. his mother has infantilized him and most likely will do the same to OP. It doesnt matter how rich he is or that he has a few houses and everything will be his in the end.An adult man should be able to manage his own finances.Its better to marry someone poor but independent and mature , than to marry a rich mama's boy.
    A person treated like a child at home and ok with it, will never be able to take decisions at work or be responsible in any way, neither in workplace nor in marriage. Dont spoil your life.
     
    SunPa and lavani like this.
  5. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I didn’t say its normal, lots of people have different expectations, its a matter of which one the OP is willing to compromise on. If people are not managing their finance themselves doesn’t mean that they will not be good in decision making in other things. It’s a matter of what he prefers to do. He maybe the kind of person who would be happy if his wife takes over finances and manages them well for him after marriage. It’s good to give people the benefit of doubt. This needs more discussion to understand the other person’s view.

     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2020
  6. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    Is it possible that his text messages are not private enough (maybe an invasive mom).

    Anyway, this is not going to be easy. You seem wise!
     
  7. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Bronze IL'ite

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    good luck with the search. But waiting for his mum to give him money is not ok. Waiting for his next salary to get some basics is not ok either. These guys are such nuisance. I hope there is a finishing school for guys to just get them ready for marriage.
     
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  8. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    @Lightsource , your worries are valid. Tread carefully.
    I find it strange he thinks his ex-wife was money minded, but he doesnt think his mother is money minded even though he hands over all his money ( after basic expenses) to her , no questions asked.
    I wouldnt underestimate the influence and dominance of his mother
     
    joylokhi and nakshatra1 like this.

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