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How To Be Safe When H Breaking The Lockdown Rules.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by AmulB, Apr 5, 2020.

  1. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Gold IL'ite

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    I remember there were old threads in this forum with much info about calling helpline numbers and the consequences. I suppose you can ask for their suggestions in general and in your particular situation too and unless there is any harm to the kids they should not take them away . I am not sure but please search for the old threads for resources while you wait for more helpful replies to come along.
     
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  2. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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  3. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    He is being stubborn and very stupid. It is not him but the alcohol. @AmulB, you cannot do much in this situation. Except move away for a few days. If you cannot do that, just take it easy. Of course, he is risking it all for his desire of drinking, you cannot cure stupidity, you can cure the virus maybe. Just do your daily prayers and pray that none of you catch the virus. And don't call his family, they will never help you. Don't be scared about the 911 episode, he knows very well you will do no such thing, so he is trying to control you. Don't be afraid. Just ignore him if you can't make him realize the gravity of the situation.
     
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  4. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Yes you’re right. We cannot cure stupidity. This is madness, madness for addiction. Yeah such waste calling his folks. As they’re only encouraging his behavior always. Yeah have been praying god to protect us. I’m super annoyed and scared for our health. And we cannot move out to anywhere. We know no one here in this place. And who will allow at this situation, if ur own family member doesn’t care. Where can I go taking small kids and they’re not in a situation to understand a bit. Both kids are under 3.5yrs.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2020
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  5. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Heights of stupidity. These cravings can wait..one can have the best drink, meal and can enjoy when being alive. No one has a right to take others life for a ride.
    my H also complains of how the home made food is boring him all days. Inspite of me being in kitchen with small kids cooking three meals per day and feeding them each meal which takes at least an hour to feed them. he cribs about taste and yearns to go out have his favorite burritos and complaining that I am the reason for him not getting to eat out. And I am restricting him in every way to
    His enjoyment. How ridiculous!
    When his mom was here she didn’t even cook single meal for him while I’m doing things for him he only takes me for granted. And he gaslights to all on FaceTime that he does all the work. Blatant lie.. when he helps me that day it means he will drink until 3am and he need not get disturbed. That is his strategy of help exchanged for peace in drinking.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2020
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  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    This article has some helpline numbers at the bottom. Hope it helps.

    Several cities seeing jumps in domestic violence reports amid pandemic - CNN

    Please stay safe in any way possible. Physical abuse can escalate when one is drunk and also when your spouse knows you are helpless and cannot move out. So I would suggest not indulging with the husband at all until this pandemic is done. Utilize this downtime to plan your life, marriage and career and see what needs to be done to implement those plans. That is the best thing you can do.
    Hugs and wishes! Take care.
     
  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    I only made a suggestion, if possible, go to a relative's place. If not leave it. I liked the previous response a lot. Take care, @AmulB, don't lose sleep on this, stay strong, the kids need you.
     
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  8. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    He is irresponsible. It will be a smart step if you accept that you cannot influence an alchoholic. Your arguments will fall on his deaf ears and will boost his ego. Try your level best not to engage him in any way. Ignore him. Its very foolish to seek help from toxic in laws. Also an alchoholic is not going to listen to your advice. Behave as if you gave up on him. Go on selected silent mode with him. You may want to fight or argue,but it's a war you will loose. So avoid it. So use brain than your heart.

    Understand very well that for you and kids, there is only one person to help- Its you. It's better to be away. But if you can't, try your best to be safe. Wash hands, use masks etc...
    Its tough to do all these alone. But use this time wisely to improve your life,think about future. Also, pl understand that an alcoholic may not get custody of kids. So try to learn your rights. In your situation, seek help if needed like mentioned in other posts. Calling 911, is not a wise thing to do if its not emergency. Please read about it. Believe that you are alone there and almighty will help you. Do as much as you can. Rest is not in our hands. Face it with courage. Being anxious or going after him won't help you in this situation. Hugs to you.

    National Domestic Violence Hotline | Get Help Today | 1-800-799-7233 check this
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2020
  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, am sorry for your situation.
    There are kids involved in your situation. The deserve to be safe.
    Just the way your H is being irresponsible by stepping out, dont you think you are also being irresponsible by not asking help from child helpline. The entire world knows this virus is not a joke! People are dying, regardless of age.
    He is already risking your lives by going out, he abuses you and does not look after the kids. What more will he do if you talk to helpline?
    He'll be angry?
    What is your worst fear, OP?
    Is it that he'd leave you or is it that you/your kids will be infected?
    A wife may have 100 reasons to bear the nastiness of her husband but a mother should have no reason to allow harmful behaviour towards her kids. All that they (your kids) have is you. They blindly trust you to keep them safe and healthy.
    As long as you feed his ego and temperament he is not going to change.
     
  10. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Hi op. I’m not scared about myself but for my kids only. Not sure about repercussions about calling helpline. If they offer me shelter along w kids out side. What better justice will I be doing for my kids again exposing them out at this situation. If they just warn him after a complaint then yea I can surely contact. I don’t know what they would do. And knowing H he lies and accuses and not sure what all he would put against me to win the situation in his favor. Help in giving info on what helpline will do for me. What are the steps I need to take or be prepared with in regards to kids.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2020

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