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How To Be Assertive In Life

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by Vedhavalli, May 2, 2018.

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May 2, 2018 #1
Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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Friends,
From Indian brought up, most of us till college are either passive- aggressive type.
Once we step up into work, marriage ie into a broader social life , we have to be assertive. Being assertive helps to balance oneself and others.

How you build your assertiveness?

Pls quote your assertive statements which you use.
Pour your ideas to be assertive.
I'm in the path of learning to be assertive

Vedhavalli, May 2, 2018

Vedhavalli, May 2, 2018

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May 3, 2018 #2

Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Good subject for a thread @Vedhavalli. Will benefit many members. There are numerous assertiveness training resources online but reading pdfs is neither fun nor as illuminating as talking to like-minded people. I think a dialogue about assertiveness would make a great format for this thread. Would you like to start with what assertiveness means to you? How do you picture an assertive version of yourself? I will come back with more in another post.

Gauri03, May 3, 2018

Gauri03, May 3, 2018

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May 4, 2018 #3

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Would you like to start with what assertiveness means to you?---
Assertiveness being polite at the same speaking the mind,
1)not hurting self for others
2)not bending too much for others, not to be granted for others.
3)Not saying yes when you have to say no
4) taking no guilt when you say no
5) not to giveaway too information to nosy & manipulative people.
Most of all, be happy be yourself

How do you picture an assertive version of yourself?
As a confident person who speaks polite but firm. Not disclosing too much information, not arguing for long hours. Not rude to others same time not over friendly.

Vedhavalli, May 4, 2018

Vedhavalli, May 4, 2018

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May 4, 2018 #4

vidhyalakshmid IL Hall of Fame

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Recently before a speech contest I assured myself to be confident.
I thought myself as CEO (Chief Enthusiasm Operator) and repeated the phrase and it worked well.

vidhyalakshmid, May 4, 2018

vidhyalakshmid, May 4, 2018

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May 8, 2018 #5

Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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Assertive communication warrants competent and in control communication, stand up for the rights and never allow others to abuse or manipulate. Those with assertive communication maintains direct eye contact and have relaxed body posture. They never get intimidated by any negative communication and listen intensely to others. They generally talk clearly, concisely with a calm voice. Their communications are respectful but assertive.

They have feelings such as a) I am responsible for my own happiness, b) others are entitled to their own opinion, c) I am confident, d) I stick to my own choices in life, e) I have a right to be respected by others, f) I express my views fearlessly about repercussions.

Viswa

Viswamitra, May 8, 2018

Viswamitra, May 8, 2018

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May 8, 2018 #6

madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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This is a fantastic thread ! Excellent initiative. Will share my own feedback soon.

madras2018, May 8, 2018

madras2018, May 8, 2018

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May 8, 2018 #7

sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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Assertiveness is an overloaded term. It can mean different things in different sociocultural situations. Where a man is 'assertive', a woman is a 'bitch'. Assertiveness in an Indian social/familial context is distinct from that in an American context; different expressions and techniques are required. Just adding more homework for you OP!

sokanasanah, May 8, 2018

sokanasanah, May 8, 2018

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May 10, 2018 #8
madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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sokanasanah said: ↑

Assertiveness is an overloaded term. It can mean different things in different sociocultural situations. Where a man is 'assertive', a woman is a 'bitch'. Assertiveness in an Indian social/familial context is distinct from that in an American context; different expressions and techniques are required. Just adding more homework for you OP!
Click to expand...

I disagree - the essence and meaning of being assertive is the same. The way you would actually execute it may be different. Also just a thought....heavy interpretation oriented statements can intimidate readers of this thread & will only limit discussion and make people doubt themselves before expressing themselves. Lets not put constraints or disclaimers that are subject to culture etc. Those can come later. It just breaks the flow. Lets just have a general, open discussion - pertinent to indian women wherever they may be and however their social conditioning.

My feedback on this topic :
There are several books that resonated with me deeply

When I say no, I feel guilty. This is an excellent starting point on assertiveness training especially for women. It calls out every person's assertive rights, which is illuminating.

Dont say Yes when you mean No.

NonViolent communication

Has anyone else read these books ? Your thoughts ?

OP & others - please continue to share your ideas. Eager to hear more.
Last edited: May 10, 2018

madras2018, May 10, 2018

madras2018, May 10, 2018

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Jun 21, 2018 #9

Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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Books don't help as such until we put into real life practic IMHO.
We can have real life examples from work life and social life.
Cultural factors plays a role too I guess.. like
Today some one asked me accompany them for shopping I said a direct no, that person was a non-indian.
A fellow Indian lady called to accompany for fill gas, I said no I'm busy, she asked what busy what are you doing. It's just 10 min. Some need explained others don't.
Finally said can't come, got lots of home chores

Vedhavalli, Jun 21, 2018

Vedhavalli, Jun 21, 2018

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Jul 18, 2018 #10

Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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It's quite hard to be assertive but I see some people who are damn aggressive. Don't care about others, they feel they are the centre of the world. How to handle such people, bossy aggressive , know-it-all type?

Vedhavalli, Jul 18, 2018

Vedhavalli, Jul 18, 2018

#10

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