How much did you spend on your InLaws when they visited you last time in US.

This part is good.You can tell him you should have let him sort out the problem with his parents .I shouldn't have joined you but couldn't control when they were accusing you of being selfish towards them.

You need not apologize to husband ,just give him a big hug .No need to apologize to inlaws but try to act normal. When you people call ,just join in asking about general things like weather ,temperature etc.

Op...the advice is to limit damage with husband because no matter what,we all feel bad after fighting with parents even if parents are absolutely wrong .His father even apologized which in itself is very rare.

You can preempt any accusations from him by yourself accepting that you should not have done that and you regret it but you could not control yourself because they were accusing him and you lost control.This way he will not take it further.
Besides a lot of men forget and don't hold grudges if people accept mistake .
Keep it short and to the point.
No need to drag it and keep the drama out .Don't bring up any thing else related to them. Just a short acceptance of error in judgement and then change the topic and distract .You could time it in such a way that there is not much time to drag it.

Cheer Up Op.You have a good understanding husband. Go give him that hug and make him forget the nasty fight.

 

@sslkgpaa,

YM is right on target in her suggestions. If you don't want to say sorry to your husband, you can phrase it differently. Please tell him how much you appreciate him asking his parents that they should have been more helpful in this trip. In addition, please add that you should have never joined the discussion he had with his parents and the words just came out of you because you love him so dearly instead of phrasing it that you couldn't control it. Please reach out to your ILs in a normal way so that your husband understands that what you said is to just support him. This will help your husband to think about standing up for you more and more in future, if your ILs hurt you in anyway. You have a wonderful husband who is very understanding. My best wishes to you and your family.

Viswa

 

@sslkgpaa,

What he did here is a tacit confirmation that you said too much. No husband would demand an apology when his parents are at fault but it makes sense to tell him that you shouldn't have participated in the discussion.

Why do you have to confirm what he did is right? He already knows it. Moreover, he has to overcome it himself and no words from you would make him feel better. In my view, you have to only address the part of the discussion you were involved. When he said, "but its ok leave it here" he means, "it is already done and there is nothing you can do to reverse it now".

If you do the step above, it would help your husband to feel good about what he did automatically and encourage him to stand up more and more for you, if your IL continue to treat you badly.

Viswa

 

@sslkgpaa
let me give it to u straight. Yes its about the money. YEs it bothered u to spend on them. U could have sent ur hubby sightseeing. What u wanted was unpaid help during childbirth postpartum and childcare.
What u did not factor in was that they are not employees but parents so they needed to treated as such.

U do not treat them this way ..not on the day they are leaving.U and ur husband have a lot to learn in life.
A few $$$ doesnt really matter in the long run..relationships do. Hope u learn before its too late.

 

@sslkgpaa, if ur dh parents will keep the grudge of this fight in their heart....chances are tht ur hubby will resent u for this fight n may blame u for spoiled relations....hence try to make everything normal wth ur in laws asap.....