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How Many Of You Are In Joint Family With Grand-in-laws?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by generic, Nov 16, 2020.

  1. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Previous generations, ladies married early and had babies at a very young age...
    So possibility that many ladies have in laws in the age group of 50s and many of the in-laws parents are still there...
    1. How many of you are living in same household with in-laws and either or both parents of any of the FIL or MIL?
    2. What arrangement is being done to look after very aged grandparents. With respect to living and space arrangement at home, and the increased household and cooking works for that many people.?
    3. Any extra compromises you as a DIL had to make in terms of increased workload, lack of privacy and freedom and increased household expense?
    4. The FIL and MIL need to be responsible primarily for the care of their parents, isn’t it..
    What is they role or how much responsibility should the son and DIL..I.e Post marriage who have kids and careers take or obligated to take of parents of in laws...is it their responsibility too, in case the Grand in laws have other children too?i.e the MIL or FIL has siblings too...?
    Need inputs about this for a very close person...
     
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  2. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    I had lived with grand parents inlaw. Inlaws were working and stayed else where. It was our responsibility. She stayed with Dh before our marriage and it continued as no other children were ready to take care. It was our responsibility to take care of them. They were in good health and helpful even for us. When they fell sick, we would look after them.Even for general health checkup, we would take them. Morning i would make the breakfast and for the lunch boxes. By the time we were back home, she would make the dinner or would help me. Weekends we would have long talks. Later on they went and stayed with their children as i was going for the delivery.
     
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  3. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    I don't have grand in-laws but one of my friends got married into a family where her DH's dadi lives with them.
    Dadi is mostly the responsibility of her parents-in-law. Her PIL are very very nice. Her MIL is more like a friend, and they used to chat more than the husband-wife. My friend is working full time, so she helped all she could - cooking , cleaning and all but not more than that. Health-wise and most other primary responsibilities of dadi were taken care by her parents-in-law. My friend is a very family-oriented , Sooraj Barjatya types bahu, so it was all good for them.
    Her Dadi used to say nasty things about my friend, about why she is working, and how she does only so little house work, why she is taking so long to have kids (it was just 2-3 years) etc etc. In such times, MIL used to defend my friend to no limits and even shout at Dadi not to say anything about her bahu. Dadi was quite moody though, at times very nice and at times very nasty. When my friend had chums or was unwell, Dadi used to cook and care for her.
    So i guess it was more or less fine for her - but really depends on the family.
     
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  4. Giri12

    Giri12 Gold IL'ite

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    I am living with 2 sets of in laws. Mine is love marriage. My fil takes good care of his father and mother. Now my grand fil is dead. My fil is only son in family he has 2 sisters. But in last 11 yrs my grand inlaws visited to their daughter only once. For cooking and all other stuff all r ok. Due to aged persons we always provide them fresh meal twice a day. My grand mil is very moody and has very old orthodox thoughts. I think all 3 generations living under one roof is really very very stressful but cant help it. My fil is very strict person. He monitors every move happening around his parents. My grand mil is quite ok with me but is not in so good terms with my mil. My mil respects her but both act like outsiders to each other. No sharing not much love not great caring. I get very stressed around all 4 of them. I sometimes cannot even eat properly. Can not cook some of my fav dishes because grand inlaws can not eat specific food and i dnt have enough energy to cook seperate meals. There is big compromise on daily basis on all levels. In corona we had to take extra special care. Still we dnt hav maid for moping n i end up doing it everyday for all 6 big rooms.
    Also cant leave her alone at home so we all never went out together overnight. I hav missed many programs due to this. I am generally very tired very unsatisfactory about this.
    If you hav choice then its ok but if u dnt then be prepared for sacrifices
     
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  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for replies so far..
    Situation mayb managed if the elders re able bodied and in good health...but..
    Was wondering if any of you DILs had to stay jointly with in laws and grand in laws who are much older? Like, in laws are 60 plus in age and grand in laws are 80 or 85 plus in age?
    In such case, in laws themselves may not be doing well in terms of energy levels, fitness and health..some can arrange caretakers, helpers, cooks etc..but middle class families may have fixed budget for maid helper and may not be able to spend more than a part time maid for basic cleaning of home and utensils...and in such case, there maybe more of work load for the son and DIL..
    Isnt it tough though to make so many sacrifices and in what way can such situations be managed without any of the family members feeling irritation or resentment?
    If known before margarine itself , the prospective DIL can make up her mid and mentally prepare herself, but if such situation happens after marriage that in laws and grand in laws shift with the couple and stay jointly how can situation be managed? Can some boundaries be set as to what can or cannot be done and what responsibilities can or cannot be shared?
     
  6. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    Best to have a full time help to manage grand in-laws. What ever the cost. The help can assist in cooking, cleaning, caring for grand in-laws. It will keep the DIL better in her mental and physical wellbeing.
     
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  7. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I agree...
    But in certain traditional family setups, they do not allow domestic helps such as cooks or maids in kitchen or elder doesn’t co operate with helpers..in such case it’s very tough and would surely cause problems with DIL being overworked...
    My friend is in orthodox family...
    During periods she can’t go inside kitchen..
    As pooja shelf also inside kitchen..
    Maid not allowed inside kitchen...
    Can’t keep cook...
    She has to cook for everyone, clean kitchen and utensils herself..she has elder in ,was with her....when she is unwell, she will put all soiled utensils in a tub and keep in hall room..the maid will wash the utensils in service area or wash room and keep washed utensils in tub..she has to take the washed utensils from tub, rinse again with water and dry them and arrange in kitchen...would definitely not be possible for her to host grand in-laws in such a setup...she recently said no and was heavily criticised..
     
  8. RiaME

    RiaME New IL'ite

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    [/QUOTE]the maid will wash the utensils in service area or wash room and keep washed utensils in tub..she has to take the washed utensils from tub, rinse again with water and dry them and arrange in kitchen...[/QUOTE]

    Same in my house too...initially when I was naive and newly married, I would do all that utensils washing again. Now after decade and half after marriage. I control the kitchen, the maid doesn't enter the kitchen, I don't wash the utensils or wipe it again. She washes it in the morning, keeps it in the tub and by evening the utensils are dry, so I just arrange it in the cupboards.
    I told my husband, " look this is how I do, if u want the utensils washed again, u can do it urself". He just kept quiet. Inlaws although being a bit orthodox but civil, couldn't say anything cause then they have to do it themselves.
     

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