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How Is Romance After Many Years Of Marriage? Realistically

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    General question...

    Usually a married couple will have lot of physical attraction and crazy about each other during initial months maybe initial years of marriage...but is it realistic to expect same kind of romance even after many years, and after maybe a kid or two??

    This is a general question I have...
    In the daily grind , with work responsibilities, in laws, child care etc..is it possible to keep romance alive? Or are most couples just happy to if they are able to get along with life with a reasonably comfortable lifestyle and with good work life balance, and without any major issues?

    Im being stupid but I'm also sometimes very amazed by the romantic pics uploaded by friends, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues etc on social networking platforms ...even those that include babies or kids..are most couples really able to maintain romance even after so many years or is it just for the sake of posting online ?

    Generally what is priority for ladies...to have to have a husband who is not romantic but is supportive ,I.e supports for household chores, stands up for wife if in laws make some wrong comments on wife, looks after kid during personal emergencies etc..

    Like my relative, ....i asked my close relative who is many years older than me...she told me her hubby doesn't make any romantic gestures, he is very serious and practical type person.. but when she is sick he doesn't let her do anything..cooks for her when she is unable to do so...and doesn't let her wash utensils when maid is on leave, instead does it himself and tells her to take it easy and not go overboard with chores...to some extent protects her from being troubled by his mother...but he is zero in romance like doesn't hug her and tells her that he loves her, or get her surprise gifts or take her for candle light dinners etc...with such an example she suggested maybe I read too many romance novels and not having much of practicality...

    Sometimes I ask my husband this question he gets irritated and tells me to be more mature and act my age and not ask such silly questions..

    Was just wondering hence I posted here...
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2020
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  2. Divyasaravanan

    Divyasaravanan Senior IL'ite

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    I am also in the same boat. 100% supportive husband but 0% romance! With time , I feel that the love and affection I have for him is nothing different than the love and affection I have for my parents!! :anguished: Literally I feel no difference.
    Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had ended up marrying a romantic person instead! All I can do is just sigh!!!
     
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  3. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Aren't these things your relative's husband does for her, romantic?

    I am married for 10 years now, he is the whole package, very close to perfect. Romance is different for different people. Like, We do not exchange any gifts for anniversaries or birthdays or special occasions. That is not romantic for us. We used to think that romance will die down after first few years of marriage, but these years have proved us that is not true. There are days we are angry or stressed because of work or family, but even those days the care we have for each other , snuggling on couch and the time we spent together going to bed and waking up is romantic. It's the small things in daily life that is romantic for us. We both put the effort and take initiatives in spending quality time with each other.
     
  4. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    My husband does not believe in giving gifts or celebrating birthdays. He is very simple and caring and loving. Our married life is becoming stronger day by day and coming closer to each other. He is 80 yrs and I am 76yrs. Pray to God to keep us healthy and our love for each other should continue till the end

    He has always been supportive and when I had hip bone fracture in 1991 he looked after me very nicely. I was in bed for two months and he did everything. Like I had written in a snippet we are different from each other but we complete each other

    Older generation does not believe in giving gifts. If they are caring and loving that is more than enough
     
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  5. Raffaello

    Raffaello Silver IL'ite

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    This was a burning question even for me, although I am no where near that boat. Still I feel that age makes you more wiser and prioritize things. As viji mam said, I have not seen my mom dad kiss or exchange gifts or I love you or anything at all. Definition of romance is directly proportional to the perception of the individual.

    Even after kids, years later candle lit dinners would bring a spark in woman's heart, so I think husband and wife should rekindle the love and may be spend some togetherness time. May be a day in a month, reliving the early days of marriage with lots of fun and zero worries about anything would make both serene and happy.
    Always a dose of romance every now and then will bring the a smile and cherishing memory.
     
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  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks all :)
    To be honest I'm a big fan of Mills and Boon and Silhoette romance novels...have been reading them since the age of 16!!! Hehe...
    So many years later the reality is so much different from what I imagined! Though I appear to be a calm simple straight forward kind of person, I'm a romantic at heart, and I feel quite little irritated when my husband who is more of a practical person doesn't share my sentiments.. sometimes ignores me when he is busy ...doesn't appreciate me when I crave for compliments...small things like this.. if I dress up nicely i like to be complimented by him, he may or may not notice.. i feel little silly thinking if I'm being unrealistic..

    I appreciate different points of view shared by all of you ladies...
    Pls keep the replies coming in...
     
  7. Raffaello

    Raffaello Silver IL'ite

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    I second your thoughts on compliments, of course we buy 100000 things, get dressed so well, universe offers boundless options to explore, aa small compliment would mean a world. Reading this post, I wish to be that romantic person 40years later. Men turns into a different person, more serious than we actually thought as they get older. Some genetic problem (just kidding) Feelings is something special to a couple and felt by both.
    We started with just 2 of us that very small thought means a world, be it husband or wife just take a break from all just relive your early marriage days when both were amateurs and yearned every moment to be together. Even a small talk in a candle lit space a kiss in an unexpected moment, buying Suprise gift.. Least just talking about how it all started.... Just two of us
     
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  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    You sound like me ! Someone that grew up on a M&B ! The long lasting romantic love stories only happen in books and serials. Real life is very different :)



     
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  9. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    it is not unrealistic, everyone crave for compliments.
     
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  10. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    thats true. Instead of sweet romantic moments everyday, life takes over and more drama awaits :blush:
     
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