How important is it to have common interests in Married Life?

Common interests might give some extra "together time" !

DH and I are poles apart -
he loves traditional food, I enjoy all kinds of food,
he sleeps late and wakes up late, I sleep early and wake up early,
he likes action English movies, I like bollywood romance movies!
He enjoys news and cricket, I enjoy music and books !

He enjoys hanging around at home, I enjoy going out!
He enjoys dinners at friend's homes, I enjoy fancy dinners at restaurants!
I want the fan and AC, he wants blankets and warmth!
I want birthday celebrations, he actively dislikes them and tries to be alone on his birthday!

I'm quite naive about people, he is quite naive about kid's school and friends !
I like to teach maths, he likes to teach drawing
I like to talk talk talk and resolve conflicts, he likes to keep quiet and wish a conflict away.

I praise easily, trust easily, get emotional easily and forgive very easily and apologize also very easily!

He doesn't praise easily, doesn't trust people easily, rarely gets emotional and never forgives and apologizes very rarely!

And we both continue to live in our way and yet quite peacefully and with love !

Because we understand and appreciate the differences and accept the difference between us!

That's because we have mutual love and respect and we have the commitment towards our marriage and we have common VALUES and common GOALS and WANT to spend the rest of our lives with each other !

So, rather than having common interests, I would say common VALUES and GOALS are important in married life

 

Amazing thread.

I and my husband both have different interest. But slowly it happened that we started liking each others so many activities.

I never thought buying grocery and vegetables can be so much fun. Every Sunday we visit market and buy stuffs after buying we eat some chaat. And we rally enjoyed it. Neither of us go alone.

In the same way morning tea we spend at least 15 minutes with each other.
At night also before sleeping we talk on so many interesting subjects those are funny witty and awesome.

In weekends we go on bike ride simply anywhere just riding nothing else.It's so much fun.

 

Very well said Hrastro!

You have voiced the exact sentiments I have on being life partners. I always believed how terms like likes, interests are taken as the scale to assess the compatibility between two human beings.

By likes, interests I mean aspects like what books, movies, songs, cuisine one likes and enjoys, and/or how one likes to spend their time.

The above are definitely important but not as much as, as you have rightly said the Value system, Outlook on life, How you balance your needs and wants, and your goals.

Between the wife and husband if the above match and on top of that the likes and tastes also match, THEN all the more power to those couples, that I would call 'icing on the cake'.

Between myself and my wife the tastes and likings are slightly different, I like old movies/songs and she likes the newer ones. I am emotional and she is more practical in thinking. But I feel we compliment each other very well and good as a team. No doubt in my mind that she is the one I want to grow old with!

 

New to this discussion but my two cents anyway...

I do think sharing common interests is necessary, at least in a minimum level. Like the others we do walking, cooking, shopping, weekly errands etc together & have lite discussions over morning coffee... But I always seem to zone out whenever he talks politics or current affairs, vice versa when I happen to talk about art. Its not common to have like minded friends to share with always... I feel this has created an invisible gap, which both of us are aware of yet I can never seem to like Indian politics or world affair foir that matter, he in turn my art. The case of 'big elephant in the room'? I suppose.... Just my thoughts....

 

More than common interests, the way your adapt to see their world is more important. Though my DH and I belong to the same field, we are opposite poles. He loves to be with people, travel and explore. I prefer being left alone with a book in hand. But we discuss common issues, joke around, have fun.

Taking a little time to listen and share makes the difference.

 

To share the common interests and to share a happy life, I feel that we should keep our egos aside and develop respect & understanding in that place.

 

Oh wow!! Thanks a lot Kamla ji I am so happy! How come I missed this post thinkingsmiley I was just randomly checking this thread and found your reply and I am so glad to have your positive opinion on my writing

Keep going, ladies!

- Sree

 

Such a wonderful post ...and i like views of all you happily married ppl about importance of common interest in marriage.

I would start with, I'm not very happily married but trying to make it work. So i'm not the best person to advice others. But want to share my side of the feeling.

Ours is also arranged marriage, hence may be less common interests.but there are some like:
1>We both enjoy holidays and vacations , been to various places before having baby.
2>We like to eat out , we have common likings on food most of the time.
3>our baby is our topmost priority. we both love him so so much.

But most of things we like and think are opposite:
1> I need everything clean and tidy. He doesn't care about it much or at all.that used to be reason of conflict between us sometimes.but he is so much better than before , when we first got married.
2> im perfectionist, needs to get things done on time or may be ahead of time , he likes to wait for last minute like after getting warnings and all that.
3> i love gardening , he doesn't. he thinks its waste of time.
4> he is into sports , mainly football ..i just watch something else ..i know this is man/woman thing.
5> he doesn't care about money or saving. he likes to spend alot. Im like spending on necessary but not wasting money , i like to save for future.this is main reason of our conflict.
6> he is very practical about everything. I'm sensitive type.
7> i love shopping , he doesnt . i feel so rushed when i go out to shopping together.so i tend to avoid going shopping with him.
8> i like to watch what we eat, keep fit and like him to do same.but he doesn't care about anything , he likes to eat junk. never bother about calorie or weight gain.

we like to talk , share feelings ..but at certain point in our conversation , he would not like something i say and start fight there and then . and sometimes he says something sensitive i feel bad about ..so we cant have nice long conversation without getting hurt or fight. May be this is why my marriage hasn't been great.

Apart from all this , we do try to do things together even if we are not keen into it. I sit with him and watch footy sometimes when he joins me to watch my favorite serial. We like to stay in bed till late on weekend , having tea and watching tv until midday, when we are in good terms.

i used to get very annoyed about us not having common interest , him wanting to watch TV in separate rooms as we used to like different programmes, sharing everything to his friends but not to me , not showing interest on what i wear,how i look (later on realized its his nature), not buying gifts for me like other husbands do to their wives. But i now learnt he is different and i cant change him .

Thoughts and posts in this forum inspire me , make me feel what im doing wrong in my married life.

 

It's important but you don't need to have always the same. You need to have something to share but it's good if you keep your own things as well. Everybody needs to keep a secret garden to be able to breathe when they want to be alone and need their own time.

 

[FONT=Source Sans Pro, sans-serif]I've heard that women feel loved through words by talking - sharingpersonal thoughts and hearing words of love (I love you, you arebeautiful..), and men feel loved by doing activities together –playing games, watching movies, going out. This means It doesn'tmatter if you have common interests with your partner or not, whatmatters is your willingness to spend time together the way he likesand his willingness to spend time with you the way you like it. [/FONT]