How do you make your kids listen to you?

Teju,

Even I want to know the answer for this question. I am the Mom of 2 boys (6 yrs and 2 1/2 years). Life is really tough at times as both want the same toys, same books etc...So, whatever we bought we started buying two, but still they will pick up something or the other which is only one and the fight continues....
Thankfully, my kids dont hit each other much...happens only once or twice a day, that too with low intensity.
Even, I read few articles on the net on parenting and my elder son is finishing his Montessori course and going to I std. I discussed with his teachers too.
They asked me to lower my expectation, to be patient, to be firm and most importantly do not shout at them or hit them. This is easy to write or say, but in practice very difficult for we adults, as I end up shouting at them atleast once a day for something or the other and feel bad at bedtime. Even today, as I write this I am thinking that I should follow these from tomorrow. But God knows, if tomorrow will ever come or not.
I guess for the children to listen to us, we should try and follow the above things with great perseverance at least for a week continuously and check out the difference.
To put in a different way, when we start discussing/ arguing with our children, knowingly/ unknowingly we try to show that "I am big and I dont want to give it up". I think we should put sincere efforts.

 

Good question. Waiting for answers!! It IS difficult when you have to start acting as a negotiator between the kids when they start fighting. I too shout and sometimes feel that by shouting i am forcing DD to lie to me. This happens more to my husband than me.. He loses temper and then DD now has started lying(she does not know how to lie very well also since she is only 3) . Do timeouts work or punishment like no chocolates for 2 days for a big mistake? I tried this and i felt it works a bit because my daughter has not asked for chocolates for one full day because she knows we had agreed on a punishment yesterday..I too am confused as to how to enforce discipline in a loving way. Harsh punishments dont work i think because i feel then kids do stuff when we are not around to monitor which is even more dangerous.

 

Polymorphic i am sure you have missed the techniques in the first few pages of this thread...they are worth a try

 

thanks a lot for your wonderful suggestions.

 

If i say she is a good girl now my dear will eat this..or do this..then next moment she will start to do the things which i want her to do.Ex..clean up the toys.eating etc.,

 

hi good post,

i totally agree with you

 

same here...sweet simple bargains works... is it healthy??

 

Bribing is very common among India kids and parents. That’s because it works the best. Experts suggest you must never blackmail your child, as they will slowly they will develop the habit of doing something only when bribed. But this all depends, bribe them sometimes and other times distract them.

 

nice thread.. just another parent really curious on how to discipline a 5 year old..

 

blackmailing is not a good habit as the kids grow they develop the same rule. I use to take care of my nephew when he was small I use to tell him you finish this food I will give you candy or some snack or juice he use to finish all the food and I end up giving whatever I told him to, now he is 6 year old he do follow the same thing if me or his mom say to do something he quickly comes and ask will you give me this or something else if I finish the task..which I really feel bad about getting him used to this habit..at somepoint in a day we want kids to finish task so we keep on blackmailing them, it all looks cute,naughty when they are small as they grow up it becomes hard to handle it.. sometimes I would give him choice which is NOT AT ALL good.. as a parents we should not give choices to kids, at times we might agree to their choice but sometimes if it doesn't work out then its going to get only worst.

Now I have my kid myself I am trying to find a ways to work things out. hopefully I don't have to blackmail him to get things done..