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How Do You Deal With A Dramatic Too Sensitive Sil?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Rise, Jan 7, 2017.

  1. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    I would like to know how one deals with a too dramatic and sensitive SIL? I lov my brother ..And we are a very close family.but as usual brother gets married and the drama begins. I was pretty excited to have a sister but soon realized why the relationship is called sister in law. She is so dramatic and the world revolves around her. She belittle my brother,but it's interesting that my brother does the get it. I was a very open and happy person around them cracking jokes and too friendly I suppose. Soon I realized SIL wasn't liking any of it. She began complaint about me to my brother and my foolish brother came with the complaint to my mother. My mother being a wise woman as she is said she doesn't want to hear complain s and fights as long as she is alive. I got to know this and now maintain a huge distance with them. I do call them but now am not that bubbly girl who I was with them before. I talk any the weather and general things.

    But am emotionallly sad about how my relationship with my brother has become. My brother stands by his wife's side even when she is wrong .. and am proud of it that he does that.... But am also sad that I have lost tht loving brother I had once.

    I feel like I have to walk on egg shells when madam is around. Do you guys have any tips on how I can have a good relationship with brother and wife even though I don't like them now???
     
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  2. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Forgive him and forget them. Your brother is not your brother but her husband. As long as it does not affect your family life, why bother? How is your brother's relationship with your husband? I am facing the same issue from a few months. At first it was fighting between them both, now it is like all the ire and frustration that my brother has on her is shown towards me. I am so done with relationships and people frankly, I suddenly feel like everyone is out to get me. I am so tired that I don't even feel like talking to people anymore. I have had enough drama. I have stopped talking to my brother and I don't have any inclination to talk to him anymore. And this was a person with whom I would talk as though he was my sister, not a brother. Slowly, I have begun to realize that a brother should be treated like a brother.
     
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  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rise- Why did you have to change your behavior? Even if your SIL found it annoying- being bubbly is your personality. Why are you changing your personality? If you haven't done, said or meant any mean or wrong things to SIL. I think you should be good.
    Your brother has to accommodate you too in his family. He can explain to his wife that you have a bubbly personality and SIL can't change the whole world just because she finds it annoying.

    Any relationship works only when it's received and accepted. It's a 2-way street.

    If I were in your shoes- I will point it out to my mother or my brother and say that, ""my personality is bubbly" I like being like this, I am not being disrespectful, interfering in my SIL's life. If SIL finds it hard to accept my personality, she should grow up and not make a big deal of these small things".

    Yes, brothers change after marriage- don't expect or change too much for them.

    Sorry to say this, in my experience (after losing one parent)- I value my sibling more than I ever did. After all, when our parents aren't there with us anymore- it's our siblings who we have left. Maintaining sibling's relationship will give us some sort of comfort, love & feeling of family.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
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  4. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    I do understand that my brother is a husband first and only then a brother.... I respect that and want him to be the husband first but my question is why can't you be a brother and husband?? I don't wish to compete with anyone for my brother?? How awkward... I keep a lot of distance now and speak only formally.. even that has become a problem.. SIL has accused and complained that I don't speak to her at all now... Excuse me madam was the same person who didn't like me speaking to her and her husband so freely... Hello... It's a fault if u speak it's a fault you don't speak... I just stick to the weather now ....Since it's winter there is so much to talk... It's snowing here it's snowing there... And actual family news I get to know only if my mother bothers to tell me...
    I hope you too find peace with your brother. I just feel so let down and betrayed by my brother so much. 25years of growing up together and yet no bond.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
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  5. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    This just adds to my cynical view about sibling relationships. All the bonding exists only until we grow up and become adults. After that, you are worse than strangers. I have given up thinking about it. In my personal experience and in my friends' stories too, this is what I learnt. No siblings remained close. It is a great thing if they don't fight and stop all sorts of contacts. If there are siblings grown up and married and still remained close as they were before, I would like to hear those heart warming stories.

    I think OP, you should just be as you are..it is definitely hurting that your brother is carrying complaints to your mom as if he is a school kid. Can't he handle and explain? Mostly I blame your brother, for not being able to handle the situation.
     
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  6. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh no I would not say anything disrespectful to her...l loved my SIL when my brother got married(before I knew her behavior)and I have this feeling she doesn't like that my brother loves us and is too close to us... That's when she started acting out..... My brother has changed for sure .... He puts up with her... He would point fingers at me .... He is too lovey covey of his wife... I am happy for them and have kept my distance as I feel am the outsider and have nothing to do with them..... It's sad that I love to have a good relationship with them...But you don't always get what you wish for...
     
  7. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Aww so sorry to hear that. Maybe your SIL feels a bit left out when your brother is with his family? I am trying to guess-- If your SIL is a reasonable person. I think she should understand that siblings shouldn't feel restricted to communicate or share things.

    Why don't you plan out a weekend for them. Let them enjoy a vacation or a movie or a dinner. This might show your SIL that your mean good things for your brother and SIL. This may help your SIL to ease up to you too.
     
  8. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    You are so right... Sibling relationship do change a lot after marriage..... I fell every one just becomes selfish about their wife/ husband...... It's sad when you don't know how to differentiate the love for a wife and love for family differently..... Oh I understood pretty early that my brother is childish to go and tell my mom his wife's complaint about his sister... When my mom told me I laughed hystericaly but at the same time my heart broke.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
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  9. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    I can understand how you felt. I am so sorry. All we can do is learn a lesson and move on. I guess some relations are meant to end some way or the other.
     
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  10. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    She is a reasonable person but I do see a different behavior of being two faced. She behaves differently with me and family when brother is around and she is a different person when my brother is not around.... She is so sweet and kind when my brother is around...So my brother sees that hiscwife is a sweet person to my family..... But when he is not around she ignores us ...We speak normally to her she just doesn't respond and goes away. I am thankful to her cause I learned a lot of human behavior and how people can be fake and indifferent.......
    She is not left out in our family... My mom calls her a pet name... And I was like wow mom ur mom in law number 1 ... I feel she is over spoilt with love from my home... But unfortunately she ain't getting my love now..
     
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