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How do in-laws interfere in our personal life?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anjalika400, Jan 20, 2010.

  1. anjalika400

    anjalika400 Junior IL'ite

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    I see lots of posts where in-laws are poisoning their sons against their DHs or complaining about their DHs over the phone even if their son and DH live abroad. I feel so bad about my fellow friends thinking about their stress and pain.I was wondering how these in-laws do find the loopholes or situations to complain about their DHs? Is it mostly based on their telephonic conversation with DH because they can't see their daily activities from there?I am a little confused.I don't talk to my in-laws as much as possible unless I have to say hi once in a while, that too if DH forces me to or if they ask about me.Do you all talk so frequently and openly to your in-laws?
    I can understand ,being in India and that too under the same roof or in the neighborhood, it is impossible to avoid them .But how do they micromanage DH's life who are not living close by?

    Any input?
     
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  2. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes daily updates to the micro details of their hosue is the real culprit.
    Some mothers are v smart & get out the details from their son and they never realise it only until the damage becomes apparent.

    Well if they stop keeping them informed DHs get tagges as henpecked... hence the guys are either with devil or the deep sea.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2010
    3 people like this.
  3. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes.

    Telephonic conversations atleast 3-4 times a day -and they are usually timed in such a way that the son is outside home-/they know the time he is at office/going to work/gymming etc-so that the DIL does not hear snippets of the conversations...they fish out all details like what is cooked everyday- what help he did-what was the cost of eating out-what did he buy on her B'day-what they fought for etc.

    They get a fair idea of their life ,then politicking is childsplay.

    If the guy cuts giving too many descriptive details abt what is going on at home then interference will lessen a bit.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Best part of the whole discussion....is..When the parents are all praises and lovey dovey in their talks infront of the DIL and Son, but they know when is the right time to say all the wrong things or instigate or rake up the fights b/w the son and DIL..

    I still see some inlaws, inspite of their son being married for X no. of years, these inlaws keep talking about how the sons wedding was performed i.e the arrangements made at the sons wedding..and how the DILs parents treated him or the sons parents..

    Another worst part is...if these inlaws have a daughter, they keep on comparing how good they are to their son in law and how they treat him royally and how their son is not getting that royal treatment from his inlaws..


    I guess, we have to stop wondering what the inlaws talk to the son, rather its the fault of the son to get all workedup or get carried away by those snippets or pointers his parents give and make him all angry. All parents mostly 99.9% of them do this back biting or bad mouthing or fault finding or complaining or ranting...its just that when the old age sets in they become more n more intolerable to few things or most of the things..So its the duty of the son to hear those rantings and just kool it rather than take all those to his head and fight with his wife and make their life hell.

    Everyone may not like everything about a person, but if someone complains or points out something bad, why cant the sensible person show the good side of that person and divert the topic rather than saying yes like a cow and picking up fights with the spouse??
     
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  5. anjalika400

    anjalika400 Junior IL'ite

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    sorry guys. i kept writing DH in place of DIL repeatedly. That has probably given my whole post a different dimension. But still I got a clear hintof answer to my question .So it is actually the son who is so eager to spill out all the details to their parents.I was thinking how in-laws manage to get info out of their DILs over the phone unless they ask all those specific questions to her or make her talk to them so frequently.

    wow reading all your posts, they are so creepy :bonk
     
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not the case only when the PIL's stays more than 1000 miles apart, but this happens in most Indian homes where we stay under one roof.

    In my case I am married for over 14 years now but even today if I discuss anything with my hubby regarding going to my cousins marriage or a vacation to my parents house my MIL will immediately interfere and say" Is it sheer neccessary now or she can go next week, 15 days is 2much in her parents house" many many things like that.
    They keep interfearing 24/7 in our lives.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2010
  7. SriUS

    SriUS New IL'ite

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    SriVidya 75 , u just told what's in my mind and I am also going through the samething. My IL's do lot of back biting. In front of me, they say that u r also like our daughter etc. My IL's also talk about what went wrong in our marriage nd insult my parents even its been 8 yrs our marriage took place. Also, In my ILS view they treat there SIL's like maharaja's and my parents don't. DH also thinks in there view:bonk

    In my case, I will talk to IL's everytime DH calls, even they won't ask for me also, I have to. I don't feel like talking to them but I have to otherwise DH won't be happy. On the phone, our conversation will be only 3,4 sentences.

    My IL's are very clever they won't complain or discuss about anything when I am also with him talking on the phone. But when there son talks on cellphone etc they complaints will pour and DH takes them as they come. He won't even think whether they r right or wrong. when we visit India, whenever IL's find my husband without me they will poison him. In my case, my SIL's also tell this that on me and on my parents. SIL complain about the way I cook, I dress, I raise my daughters etc. :rant At my IL's place, I am sick of SIL's domination. When we visit India also, DH discusses which places to go, when to go etc details with his father and sister and decides and then tells to me. when we did function for our daughter also SIL and her husband has to decide the menu and whom to invite and all. I was like a doll to sit in the function to just bowdown to everybody.

    Anyway, in my view , DH shouldn't tell each and everything to IL's and when IL's complain or say about anything just think with ur own brain twice rather than just blindly following in IL's path.:bonk this also applies to SIL's(atleast in my case). don't SIL's have their own families and issues to take care of ? don't try to be the bossy.
     
  8. aswini

    aswini Senior IL'ite

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    Well said!! :thumbsup
     
  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sri

    Welcome to IL! I see that this is your first post here.

    As I mentioned, dont blame your inlaws or SIL or anyone else. We all are grownups here isnt it?? If husband/wife understand that they are merely getting influenced by the discussions they are having with their parents, most of these issues would be solved, but we never know how information is being extracted and how its used later isnt it:bonk
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you sweety...yep we have to think about how we react rather than what is the situation presented to us...

    As they say...its not about what we go through...its about how we react!!:coffee

    By the way my husband is an ardent reader of these forums, he too had the same question as our OP, hope he gets to read this thread and understand the answer for his question :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2010

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