How do/did you choose schools for your children?

Sumathy · Oct 24, 2007

Hi,

A 'Hot' thread, to say the least ! This is how I chose the school for my daughter:

a) Rote- based learning should be limited to essential stuff and should be more of explorative learning
b) Child should look forward to learning - create interest in subjects instead of making them mug up; basically enjoy school life.
c) Less home work
d) Open assignments and surprise reviews instead of periodical tests/exams
e) Prepare the kid to study here or go abroad, on equal footing
f) No snob attitude - typical middle class values should be there
g) Fair amount of co-curricular, extra-curricular and sports (Only fair and not over emphasis)
h) No entrance test or formal interview for entrance to nursery or kindergarden
i) Should impart wisdom with knowledge - for eg, that marks are not the end and that you can still survive and be a 'successful' human being if you can tap what you are good at; help the kid develop a vision for life; I believe that this would be automatically taken care of, if the above aspects are there.

As you would see, the distance did not figure at all in this. The reason is this ; What is the point in putting in a school which is 5 min away but which gives homework running to pages everyday and takes away precious play time for the kid? I would rather my daughter commute 1/2 an hour if she enjoys the school and if it meets other requirements listed above!

I think it is very important that we look beyond 'marks' - which is why I kept the option of sending my kid abroad open!! Financial aspect apart - atleast the option should be open for the kid to take some exam, try for scholarship, etc. We need to think globally.

All said and done, choosing the school is a tough job for the parents and mentally challenging too! Networks like this help a lot!!

Cheers,

Sumathy

padmavathi m · Oct 25, 2007

Hi Varloo, Abha, Shanti, Latamurali,

When I read this thread I didnt give a 2nd thought to post, immediately i am posting into this thread because I am so frustrated with the teachers, schools, people around me . Let me tell you all in detail.
Especially from 0 to 6 years in a child's development is a very crucial period for every MOTHER and FATHER. This is the period that a child shows signs of all kinds of disabilities if any disabilities in a child I feel it.
I am padmavathi_m, Shanti had mentioned abt me and my dyslexic daughter in this thread. I am basically from Blore and as all of you said we too wanted our daughter to study in a very prestigious school. So 1st daughter studied in St.Francis Xavier's Convent, Coxtown, Blore. In her Prep 1 class she always used to confuse with 'b' & 'd', 'y' and 'u' she used to write 'bog' for 'dog'. she was excellent orally in all the subjects. Everyday there was a complaint abt my daughter from a SISTER saying that she was hopeless and fit for nothing. Then in her annual exams she has given a blank paper in almost all the subjects. That was again a emotional trauma for the child bcos her father got a good job in chennai during feb. she is a very very sensitive child. she was missing him a lot may be that has made her to do that in her exams. Then we all shifted to chennai. Without even a TC from that school she was admitted direct into 1st std in a school in North Chennai. There again she had the same problem not writing quickly. That school didnt have hygienic toilets, no playgound, etc, but the teachers were really good to her since she could converse well English and not only that she was good in all the subjects orally. So much of writing in that school made her reluctant to go that school she just went for 2 months. We again changed her to CSI Bains School in Kilpauk. What I am coming to say is that I was not aware of the problems with my daughter but later we found that she is dyslexic. What a turmoil for me God... Fortunately God has given me the real courage, tolerance to face all these things in my life. In Bains she was labelled as dull slow learner etc., except for one teacher her Hindi teacher Mrs Esther. I had not even known that teacher, during the results she has told the principal that Krithikaa is a very brilliant child she needs to be promoted in 1st std., then she was promoted with a warning promotion.
Again the 2nd std was a nightmare for me, but luckily the class teacher would tell me she is very intelligent but lazy to write she ll become alright as she goes to higher classes. Warning promotion. 3rd std horrible teacher she was totally neglected by all the teachers by this time except her Esther miss.Warning promotion. 4th std the worst teacher, she was detained when I went to collect her report card do you all know what the teacher told me 'Your child is a dullard go put her in a special school'. I had a quarrel with the teacher also.
Later we found another new just 4 years old school in Kilpauk there the princi said she can put krithikaa in 5th std with a letter from a M Ed teacher without showing her Bains school TC which was supposed to be a TC with the result showing Detained.
It was only at this point I thought there is some problem with the child I just took her to the paediatrician. She told me something called Dyslexia. I came home and told my husband, he said "come on dont label the child with some nonsense, its you who has to be blamed for all these. You are lazy to teach the child". Yes to tell you all the truth I was really lazy to teach the child since I had already given up hopes to teach her everytime I make her revise the chapters, she would do a great job. She will end up giving all blank papers in her exams. Till now she has never attempted detailed answers even though she used to revise it thoroughly its only fill up, match, choose the right word, poems with all these she used to get some 30 marks and used to be promoted. Then I had to fix up appointments for her assessments with all the LD schools running from pillar to post alone no moral support from any of my family members not even my husband but later I found there are lots of people like you all who come forward to give emotional support. Even in this present school almost everyday the teacher makes her kneel down, asks her write impositions, etc., My daughter tells me "mama only you tell me that I am intelligent nobody on earth says that" and that she has got used to all punishments she says. As a mother I feel so bad, but I tell her ""God has a very very nice plan for you You will become great one day or the other"" this is how I keep consoling her day by day. By this time the child's self esteem has gone down so low now at present I am just working on her self esteem and her confidence level. I regularly visit these sites SchwabLearning.org - A Parent's Guide to Helping Kids With Learning Difficulties, LD OnLine which gives you enornous amount of information in a child's growth. I also did a course on Special Education in Madras Dyslexia Association but i was not given a certificate since I didnt go for the 2 months internship.
Now I am able to tell all my friends abt this atleast they become aware of this and this is not at all an issue for a child or the mother there are so many options available for children these days
After all these struggles I thought God definitely has a plan for Krithikaa I started working on her strengths, i e music, chess, she is extra ordinarily good in these fields

Why do we educate our children???? Send them to good schools ????
To build up confidence level, social relationships, emotional quotient or to loose every basic qualities ?
Its only we parents shd come forward to correct our education system. Every mother or father is happy if their wards fare well exams
As I am affected so much by the schools and teachers I feel like giving my opinions. Thats all I am not here to hurt anyone's feelings. I was even ready file a case against the school, but changed my mind for another daughter of mine studying in the same school. After knowing dyslexia I have come across very few good persons like Rajeshwari Ganesh, Special Educator, our IL member Shanti (Shanvy), etc.,

As our education system values a child only if a child can write everything that has been learnt or mugged up. We are not bothered whether the child has gained knowledge or not. The child has to reproduce everything that is taught in the classroom.
No ethics or basic values are taught to the child in the school. Every school is only bothered abt the results. There is no time for the school or the teachers to teach all these since they are busy finishing their portions only.

I feel if anybody come across any disability firstly the mother and father shd accept it. Acceptance will pave way for the best for their children. Pls dont compare any child with your child or vice-versa. Every child is born with some talents lets explore that and as a parent make them good citizens of this universe.

Bye for now
Love to all IL members.
Padma

Sumathy · Oct 26, 2007

Hi Padma,

Hats off to you! I was touched by your candid writing. As you say, the present education system gives more importance to 'education as an end, and not as a means to the future'. So, people who feel the other way should boldly express and choose schools which are not like that (agreed, there are only a few, but believe me, they are there and there are understanding teachers like you have mentioned).

With you as the mother, I am sure your daughter will shine in whatever she chooses to do. I pray that you continue to have the courage to defy the current system and help your daughter to succeed in life.

Cheers,

Sumathy

Shanvy · Oct 26, 2007

hi padma,

REad your long post...Will not talk about it...because i know almost all of it except the school names....

I would like to share my experiences......

1. with my daughter...when we were transferred from chennai to delhi, daughter was 3.5. we had already talked to a very reputed school there..in her entrance test...she did not talk much...because they asked her in english/hindi...and she did not know to talk in english then...even though she could write the alphabets...and numbers..as required and tell her name. We were called by the school and told that we cannot have her in our school because communication will be a problem...we said don't worry we can make it easy by helping her at home... the principal agreed to take her in school only after both me and veda wrote an letter stating "that we will not hold the school responsible if our daughter did not do well in her academics..." that she turned out to be the outstanding student from the class is another story...but for a lkg...we had to give an disclaimer...:shock:. she is now in 7th...i dont have any problems...touch wood...

2. With my son...my son is a lefty by birth...being from an orthodox family, he was taunted and tortured until he tried and learnt to do things with right (ofcourse he is still confused at times...). so when we put him in kg. thought he could talk in english, hindi, tamil (by then we made it a habit of mingling languages so that the children could be good in all), he refused to write...becaue using his right hand made it difficult and slow..he was comparitive slow in writing...and his left didnot make any sense....however we cajoled....we could not make him right...then we met the school counsellor..she told us..(bless her) that if you want your child to enjoy his childhood and then learn forget this year...put him in kg next year...so we accepted what she said...today he is doing fine...but with still a problem since his brain works faster than his hand... (in the last ptm...the class teacher told me your son is orally good...but he makes too many mistakes while writing...he is too careless...i said..look my son has a problem...his brain works faster than his hand reflexes...he is trying to improve...so please understand and help him..dont use those strong words...she just listened...and even today she will send remarks ...be careful in spellings...i write back...he is trying....)

What i want to convey is, the school plays a major role..but we at home can counteract and make/break your child...don't go by what the teachers remarks are...understand and observe your child...ask them slowly what is wrong..what is troubling them......Gone are the days like when my dad used to just sign my report cards...and pay the fees....and yet I could come out as good product...(thanks to the dedication of my teachers then)

Today education and schools have become a business... :spin

what i would like to put forth is that teachers are also human, they are also under the same stress of finances and emotions...they take it out in the classess... which i am against...the school should have some stress relieving sessions for the teachers...
Regarding the finances, the salaries of some of the teachers are pathetic...if increased....they will perform more religiously... --this is my opinion....

padmavathi m · Oct 27, 2007

hi sumathy,

It was a mothers feelings just poured our sumathy. It is not a complaint abt any teachers. so any teachers in this forum pl dont feel bad. If I hurt anybody's feelings I am really very sorry

Padma

padmavathi m · Oct 27, 2007

Hi Shanti,

it was indeed........ big passage what to do a mother's feelings can be understood by another mother only. So much I am hurt by all the situations. Everytime I will have to face something bad I tell to myself """"Kadavul Nammale Pattai theetrar Its ok let me face so that I can shine more in this society help everybody who comes with a problem""""""""""". Yes I too understand the situations abt teachers their salaries, constraints........

One more thing I totally forgot to tell u all, Krithi was a left hander when she was toooo small as all elders in our family said ""ithu ennathu indha kai palakkkam change it ""so we changed it yes that was another struggle. The assessors told that may be a major cause for her to be dyslexic. Now its too late........................... sometimes even now she feels comforatble to do some work in left hand we dont stop her doing with left hand.

As humans we all learn thru experiences only
Bye
Love
Padma

Shanvy · Oct 27, 2007

hi padma,

So, krithika was also left..interesting. my son had other problems with his brain working too fast even now it is working too fast..he had brain scans when he was 45days baby and then 6 months and 12 months....nightmares...

But i have always kept track of him. how he has progressed and all. he still gets outstanding in his class. in fact the teacher feels he could be in fifth/sixth if he could overcome his writing...(since our education system relies on the marks scored in the public...how i abhor and want the system to change)

Yes. i have learnt a valuable lesson, be natural, let the child do things as he is comfortable. even now when he tries to eat with left...he gets taunted...but we have learnt to support him...what you do with left, he will do with right...thats all....he bats with his left....logical thinking and memory retention is good...(i am telling this just to give you a clue..maybe there is something more to krithi..than writing exams...)

you know padma i am extra hard on my son...than my daughter..the reason..in spite of so many problems he has survived..and is doing so well..so there is a greater purpose for him in life..i as his mother has a responsibility to make him ready for that purpose....my opinion....

maybe the key to krithi also lies in learning how her mind works...

And to end...God knows how broad your shoulders are when he places a burden...so let us pray to him to give us more strength.....

Varloo · Oct 27, 2007

Dearest Padmavathi,
Do take heart, there are so many like US, I am also in the same situation. I searched IL for the post about my son, but it was long back, so it was not there. I am giving you my experience again in short.
My son was born in the 7th month itself, just 1.5 kg weight. I struggled for 3 months to bring his weight to 2 kg.There were lots of problems, I am not elobarating here. He picked up after that, was normal in all respects except that he walked late. He talked very early.
But by the time he was 3 and a half, he started to get epilapsy. I ran from pillar to post, to get a good doctor. In this tension, fil used to taunt me saying that I am feeding my son things that cause fits-this from a civil engineer.Hubby was a parents boy and will abuse verbally. My family was always brought into this.
Then he became aggressive and could not be controlled. When I expressed my anxiety to the Paed. she just brushed aside my concern saying that I am over reacting. But I insisted and my son was sent for assessment. (Sometimes even te best doctors are so careless and insensitive). He gave the verdict that son was having Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). He also lacked the fine motor movement sof fingers so he could not even hold a pencil right. He was advised to be with children of his age and that we have to have patience of Bhooma Devi.
He used to create such a problem in the school, my God. But the school was very co operative and helped in all possible ways, however I asked them. The teachers were such angels, I prostrate before them.We learned all his lessons, taught him orally and then made him write 3 times- just imagine- and he used to be average.
The dr. advised that he should be in a regular school and he should be encouraged well. I took it upon myself the sole responsitbility of being everything to him and gulping down down my disappointment and sorrow set forth to making him normal.
In the meanwhile, I got a good dr. in Dr.Prithika Chary at Apollo, she helped stop his fits.He used to get fits on every Saturday as he will be home and his brain will be idle. I cannot write here how hard it was or everything son did, it will run to pages.
Now he has passed 10th in the Matriculation stream with 78% and is in the Plus 1 at Velammal School. He is now managing things by himself, but he has miles to go.
About understanding- even my hubby is much disappointed that his son is not super intelligent like his colleagues' children, even now. He loves his son but the disappointment rushes out of his mind in harsh words when the child does not perform very well.
Even my siblings used to treat him differently, especially my akka, he is not upto her standard ( not like her in laws' children who talk only in English, who are abroad, who are very fair and very good looking - her opinion. My son will be like me and my hubby, won't he?) The way some teachers and relatives treat him, I wish to God that they also undergo this sometime in their life.
My hubby's 2nd brother just used to hate my son,( he has 2 daughters only and he wanted to have a son). Now that we are just keeping to ourselves that I am not having these problems. But many outsiders and doctors just praise me to the sky for the hardwork and never say die attitude and the positive approach I have.
Also, my son had eye problem and was wearing thick glasses for sometime. He is heavy due to lack of exercise and harmone problem. He might seem a little lazy but is not. He works double hard than normal children but get less results. I feel God had been very partial to him.
I was very religious once and after all this, I believe that whatever one has to endure will happen, doing even penace will not change it. So I have become stronger in my mind and do not pray to God at all. I believe in God but I think He is not doing anything good to me. There is the Prime Minister, Chief Minister in our country, but personally they are not doing anything to me- I have God in such a place. I have become so dejected with all the rituals,festivals etc. that I don't celebrate anything with enthu, have to do so doing. I even avoid any such celebration if I could. I am only banging on the strength of my mind and hard work. I do not even expect anything in life, whatever comes I accept. I go to temples sometimes, but never pray for myself or my son. I have made up my mind to face anything and everything that comes my way, however bitter it is and not to have self pity.
Some things we will have to bear, there is no way out of that.
Please make yourself stronger so that you are there for your daughter. I shall pray for her. Please remember the words of Thiruvalluvar-
Deivathan aagathu eninum muyarchi
than meivarutha koolitharum. Meaning is even if God is not capable of giving, the hardwork one puts will be rewarded.
Do share with me anything you want, I am there.

Varloo · Oct 27, 2007

Oh, another thing. One special educator said my son won't study after 8th and he should be put in for vocational training. She said he will not pass the 10th.She wanted to have children for her special school, it seems.
And one more thing, I left my job as a Senior Clerk in Souther Railways to take care this fellow.

latamurali · Oct 27, 2007

Hello Varloo madam and Padma

Read ur post

I have no words to say for u people, but i can understand ur feelings very well

Even, i know personally many children with this problems,and the parents struggle and one of my close friend is SPECIAL EDUCATOR , if u people want her details , i am ready to give u

And ,Varloo madam, if u have time, pls read the forum SPECIAL OCCASSION , post by me for Valaikappu Seemantham thread , even i gopt my baby by 7th month - HIS BIRTH WEIGHT IS 1.2KGS and i also faced hell a lot of problems ., my own father said 'EDHU PEZAIKADHU", but my mom,hubby and sisters were beside me
- PRETERM PREMATURE babies may turn out with good or bad healthwise and mentally - THIS IS MY DOCTOR WORDS and we were very much worried in the beginning, TOUCH WOOD and now my son is CLASS TOPPER and SUPER BRILLIANT CHILD and he excels in all fields, except that he is very naughty tough and violent child GOD'S GIFT and GOD IS ALWAYS GREAT

PLS FRIENDS, PLS DONT LOOSE HEART FOR ANYTHING and jus ignore others comments, ur jus enough for ur child,therei s brightful future awaiting for ur kids..I SWEAR - GOD IS ALWAYS GREAT AND HE WILL NEVER LET U DOWN - jus bcos of God 's blessings and ofcourse ur efforts , u find remarkanble changes with him/her
and he has come to this stage............WE ARE HERE TO PRAY FOR U, BE CHEERFUL.....

This is my opinion about GOD (i can undertand ur feelings)..........IAM REALLY SORRY IF IAM WRONG ANYWHERE OR HURT U by anyway......

I write reply for this, since i really want to help u people in any way, pls feel free to share or ask me anything.........iam here

HATS OFF to both of u

latamurali